I love the Philippines!

I love the Philippines!

I've been spending lots of time with my immediate and extended family and it's been really fun. All of my dad's 6 siblings and their families are here, so our Christmas gathering consisted of at least 50 people. I'm learning alot about my father's background and upbringing and I'm learning to appreciate more and more how hard he worked to rise up from poverty to be where he's at now and provide for my family. My dad's doing well and we're living in the basement of my dad's dream house that's under construction. It's three stories and huge. I feel like it's a bit out of place, but there are other homes that are being built that are pretty big nearby.

I understand now why my Dad likes it here. All his family's here and he's appreciated because he's helped them out so much. They're super thankful and have this thing called "utang na loob" that Pilipinos often have which translated means "inner debt". Since my dad's supported them in alot of hard times, they feel like they're indebted to him.

It feels like my second home here. I could see myself living here for awhile. It was also sweet because God gave me an opportunity to attend a church youth leaders' camp and I got to meet some really cool young people passionate for God. It's amazing worshipping God on the other side of the world.

It's strange seeing the economic disparity here - how there are these huge homes right next to shacks. And I feel a bit guilty because I feel like we're adding to the economic disparity by building this grand house. But at the same time, it's giving alot of the workers jobs which they didn't have before. There's such a great need here for job opportunities since there are so many unemployed. Alot of people have applied just to work on the house. But despite the hardship, people here are happy because there's such a strong sense of community that is unseen in the U.S.

But all in all, I love the Philippines! It's a beautiful place filled with amazing countrysides and beaches and people!

A Charlie Brown Christmas.

i love A Charlie Brown Christmas!

if you've never seen it watch it here
http://www.veoh.com/videos/e183582FeajDAdS

i can relate with Charlie Brown so well. i feel like many times i struggle to find the true meaning of Christmas amidst all of the commercialism, and good ol' Linus, he always reminds me of Luke 2, the story of Jesus' birth.
oh so much truth put in such a simplistic way!
what a guy, that Charlie Brown.

and the soundtrack is amazing. Vince Guaraldi Trio. great music. instead of studying for finals, i learned to play "Christmas Time Is Here."

i listened to this podcast about A Charlie Brown Christmas and it makes me love it even more...
http://www.nuclearity.org/Episodes/December2007/MerryChristmasCharlieBrown/tabid/115/Default.aspx

objective correlative

sometimes i feel like my life lacks an objective correlative.

*Objective Correlative - "The only way of expressing emotion in the form of art is by finding an "objective correlative"; in other words, a set of objects, a situation, a chain of events which shall be the formula of that particular emotion; such that when the external facts, which must terminate in sensory experience, are given, the emotion is immediately evoked."
~T.S. Eliot.

wow, i'm such an english nerd. this is what happens to me during finals week.

childhood whims.

airplane in the attic.
singing on my canopy bed.
playing city in my cousin's house
stuffed animal wars.
playing twinkle, twinkle little star on the piano.
minnie mouse glasses.
collecting beanie babies.
no responsibility.

i want my childhood back.

blue and gold

After giving in to peer pressure from Aggie to go to the Beat 'SC rally and bonfire, I went and experienced the masses of blue and gold enthusiasts. Hundreds of UCLA students standing around a large pile anticipating the lighting of the bonfire. And then it's lit: this fire. and we cheer. It goes higher and higher, and sparks start to fly. We cheer and do some more 8 claps as the band plays. My face is burning from the heat and the sparks land on my jacket. I'm not really sure why this is fun, but for some reason to thousands of students it is.

And as I stood there, I thought about the intrinsic human longing for community and how having a similar passion for the victory of UCLA and the defeat of USC brings out a community of students. I guess this is where community lies: having a common passion for something. I don't know most of the students here, but for this one moment of time, every face holds some familiarity.

And as I thought about this fire burning and the excitement for the fire to burn, I initially thought about the many pagan rituals which include fire.

And then I thought about when Elijah asked God to light his altar from heaven and how fire from heaven came down on the altar and consumed the water and the altar. And I thought about that verse in Hebrews 12 about how "God is a consuming fire." So then I thought about how cool it would be for this many students to come together to worship God, the true consuming fire. To have this same passion, this same excitement to worship a mighty and powerful God. And this is where true community lies - in worship of a holy and magnificent God.

(By the way, I do in fact love UCLA, even if I'm not quite as enthusiastic about sporting events or campus traditions)

biographies and some other random thoughts

i would like to meet Helen Roseveare, or at least hear her speak in person. she was a medical missionary in the Congo for 20 years, amidst the political turmoil and civil wars.

just listened to her when she spoke at the Desiring God Conference 2007 here:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/37/2415_A_Call_for_the_Perseverance_of_the_Saints/

and i just finished reading Noel's Piper biography on her in "Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God."

i love biographies.

i'm sad that the Resolved Conference falls on the same weekend of graduation. But at least it's 4 days this year - so even if I miss the first two days, I can still catch the last two days.
www.resolved.org.

i bought a chia herb garden and i'm quite excited to watch it grow in my own home.

i really like the warm, soft, fuzzy insides of new sweatshirts.

joy.

i am joyous once again and i'm back to my excited self. yay! praise God! i love being joyful and excited.

thinks I'm thankful for and i'm excited about:

-God's discipline and His Fatherly love for us
-the book of Hebrews
-the gift of joy
-baking
-the smell of fresh-baked cookies
-cooling racks
-going to the Philippines in less than a month
-Thanksgiving food
-a clean house
-ruckus.com
-my mommy
-family
-friends
-answered prayers
-passionate freshman
-biographies
-improving creative writing skills

Melancholy.

I am a melancholic. I must have a preponderance of black bile as thought by medieval psychologists.

So i read a very encouraging chapter in Future Grace by John Piper about fighting Despondency. Here is an excerpt:

How Jesus Fought in the Dark Hour
There were several tactics in strategic battle against despondency. First, he chose some close friends to be with him. "He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee" (Matthew 26:37). Second, he opened his soul to them. He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death" (v.38). Third, he asked for their intercession and partnership in the battle. "Remain here and keep watch with Me" (v.39) Fourth, he poured out his heart to his Father in prayer. "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me." (v.39). Fifth, he rested his soul in the sovereign wisdom of God. "Yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt" (v.39). Sixth, he fixed his eye on the glorious future grace that awaited him on the other side of the cross. "For the joy set before Him [He] endured the cross, despising the shame, and had sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2)

When something drops into your life that seems to threaten your future, remember this, the first shockwaves of the bomb are not sin. The real danger is yielding to them. Giving in. Putting up no spiritual fight. And the root of that surrender is unbelief - a failure to fight for faith in future grace. A failure to cherish all that God promiises to be for us in Jesus.

Jesus shows us another way. Not painless, and not passive. Follow him. Find your trusted spiritual friends. Open your soul to them. Ask them to watch with you and pray. Pour out your soul to the Father. Rest in the sovereign wisdom of God. And fix your eyes on the joy set before you in the precious and magnificent promises of God.


mmm...and the insight of John Piper again points me to treasuring my Savior.

Please pray for me as I fight despondency. Thanks.

I also read Psalm 62:1-2; 5-7 which was very encouarging...o how the law of the Lord revives the soul!

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.

My soul, wait expectantly for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God."

Next to Chaucer, if I could meet a literary figure from the past, I think I would like to meet Milton. He's epic. Gotta love that Paradise Lost.

The Amish, personality tests, procrastination, and hair-pulling.

So yesterday I decided that one of my lifelong goals is to live among the Amish for a period of time. My brother told me I should start an Amish exchange program, like for those Amish who want to go out into the world for a year, that I should switch places with them for a year.

Instead of studying for my Shakespeare midterm, I decided to research about the Amish community.

So this was the ADD filled conversation I had with my roommate Nancy. I guess this is what happens when we're procrastinating for midterms:

Me: I want to live with the Amish for a year.

Nancy: The Amish make me think of the guy on the Quaker oats box.

Me: The Quakers and the Amish aren't the same.

Nancy: I know, but it just makes me think of it.

Silence.

Nancy: I'm looking for the Myers-Briggs personality test online.

Me: I'm an INTJ.

Nancy: Oh, we're like opposites. I'm an ISFJ.

Silence.

Me: They don't evangelize.

Nancy: Who?

Me: The Amish.

Nancy: Oh.

Silence.

Nancy: Now I'm an INFJ. You know, someone pulled my friend's hair.

Me: What?

Nancy: Yeah, someone pulled my friends hair. Some girl who was jealous of her pulled her hair.

Me: That's weird.

Silence.

Me: They say it's hard to become Amish, but it can be done.

Nancy: Oh. You're really serious about this aren't you?

Me: Yeah, I'm looking at apartments nearby.

So I felt that conversation had no continuity. It's like little kids thinking out loud, not really talking to each other.

No More Night.

Real Life was amazing tonight! God is so Awesome and Good! I could try to explain how excited/overjoyed/overwhelmed/broken/amazed I am by God's grace and His transforming power and how He opens sinners hearts to Him in amazing ways - through His Word, dreams, and people proclaiming His Gospel and demonstrating His love; how He takes the blinders away, even of the hardest of hearts, even of hearts who hated Him and who hated His people, but alas, I'll just give you the lyrics of the song the Holy Spirit put on Darrell's heart to sing today:

No More Night
A timeless theme, earth and heaven will pass away,It’s not a dream,
God will make all things new that day.
Gone is the curse, from which I stumbled and fell,
Evil is banished to eternal hell.
Chorus:
No more night, no more pain,
No more tears, never crying again;
Praises to the great "I Am"
We will walk in the light of the risen Lamb.

See all around, now the nations bow down to sing;
The only sounds are the praises to Christ, our King;
Slowly, the names from the book are read;I know the King,
there is no need to dread.

Bridge:Look! Over there, it’s a mansion prepared for me,
Where I can live with my Savior, eternally!

We will walk in the light of the risen Lamb.

"And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever...And the Spirit and the bridge say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely...He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming quickly." Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"
Revelation 22: 3-5,17,20

Praise God for another brother added to the family! Let's have a party. Like the angels.
i love feeling excitement and joy again, especially after feeling dry for awhile. Praise God for His grace!

May we constantly live in faith of future grace.
Let's continue to pray for those affected by the fires.

Writing Creatively for the Glory of God.

So I'm realizing that I need to bathe my creative writing in prayer. I have a tendency to write in a melancholic humour when I write creatively, and it's so easy to fall into self-pity and depression when I allow my thoughts to wander into myself which are highly prideful, instead of preaching the Word of God to myself. So I ask for prayer from whoever reads this as I write for my creative writing class - that it would be glorifying to God, and not self-focused.

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. "
~Colossians 3:17

Encouragement

I read this today from Desiring God ministries and was greatly encouraged:

How do you keep from getting discouraged by Christians who aren't passionate for God and his word?

By John Piper September 19, 2007

The following is an edited transcription of the audio.
How do you keep from getting discouraged when it is apparent that so many people, even in your own church, just aren't passionate for God and his word?I keep from getting discouraged mainly by not focusing on my people but by focusing on the Lord. Then he gives me the heart for the people. If I were to focus on the world and its condition, or the church and its condition--or even my own soul and its condition--I think I would be overcome by discouragement. But that's not where encouragement comes from. We are to draw encouragement mainly from Christ, and from his work on the cross, and from his resurrection power, and from his intercession for at the Father's right hand, and from his promises to work all things together for good, to one day come and wrap up this history and make this creation his own fully, to cast out all ungodliness, and to establish righteousness and peace.So it is contemplaing Christ, the history of redemption, the work of the cross, and the promises of God that establish the heart. That is the most fundamental way I fight discouragement.And the second thing is that there are evidences of grace in the church, even in the weakest saint. And we should give thanks for the smallest evidences that the Holy Spirit has begun a work in our lives. And really, for all of us, that's all he has done: "He who began a good work in you will complete it unto the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:6). He has just begun.So I would say to look first to Christ--that's my hope. And then look for the evidences of his grace, even in the weakest saint. And you can find them. And you can celebrate them, and then bring those people along further.


And some verses that I've been meditating on lately and just wrote a song about yesterday,

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Psalm 73:23-26,28

Re-embracing Hymns

I am currently loving hymns - the high view of God, depth of doctrine, and centrality of the Gospel - found in the classics...

One we sang last Sunday that I really enjoy:

"Love Divine, All Loves Excelling" by Charles Wesley

Love divine, all loves excelling, Joy of heav'n, to earth come down!
Fix in us Thy humble dwelling; All Thy faithful mercies crown.
Jesus, Thou art all compassion; Pure, unbounded love Thou art.
Visit us with Thy salvation; Enter every trembling heart.

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit; Let us find the promised rest.
Take away our bent to sinning; Alpha and Omega be.
End of faith, as its beginning, set our hearts at liberty.

Come, Almighty, to deliver; Let us all Thy life receive.
Suddenly return, and never, Nevermore Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing, Serve Thee as Thy hosts above,
Pray and praise Thee without ceasing, Glory in Thy perfect love.

Finish then Thy new creation; Pure and spotless let us be.
Let us see Thy great salvation Perfectly restored in Thee.
Changed from glory into glory, TIll in heav'n we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before Thee, Lost in wonder, love and praise.

Amazing times in East Asia

Thank you for your prayers. I can't even begin to describe how much God is moving in East Asia and how much He taught me this summer. God's doing amazing things there. Our team got to see 44 people come to know Christ! Praise God! We also got to meet some national staff which was really exciting, since they came to know Christ in college, and now are STINTing in Central Asia, taking the Gospel to places where it would be difficult for Americans to go- the whole Back to Jerusalem movement. It's sweet to see how that nation is becoming a great sending nation.

God humbled me in many ways this summer. I realized that I came into the project with rose-colored glasses, as I thought that full-time ministry would be all good and happy since I had heard how ripe East Asia is for harvesting. But God is faithful, He shatters my expectations and with every broken piece surrendered to Him, He makes my vision clearer to gaze on Him. Despite sickness, loneliness, and discouragement, God gave me more of His joy and showed me how His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in my weakness as it says in 2 Corinthians 12:9. It was actually really cool because the second week we were there, there were around 4 of us who were really sick, and that was the week the harvest was most plentiful as our team got to see around 25 people come to know Christ. Praise God! I couldn't go out very much that week, so I stayed in my apartment and prayed for my team, but it was so encouraging seeing God use the body to accomplish His work. I actually never got to see someone come to know Christ personally, which was hard for me at first, as I struggled with comparision and feeling like a failure, but God is so faithful of reminding me to rejoice first and foremostly in my salvation, not the results, because it is God who takes care of the results as it says in Habbakuk 3:17-19, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail, and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength, he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."

I was also very encouraged by my team, and saw the great value of community especially when doing ministry. I actually miss them alot. God has grown my heart for East Asia, and I am praying to see if God is leading me to STINT next year or go back in some other way at some other time. Please pray for me as I seek God's direction this next year. I'm graduating, which is a scary thought, but I believe that this trip affirmed that God is calling me to full-time ministry, but I'm not sure what that looks like right now. I'll be applying to Biola to get an M.A. in Intercultural studies. Please be in prayer for that as well.

This is kind of a strange illustration of how much I was at peace being there: My parents told me my acne was much clearer than when I left, even though they expected that it would've gotten worse. I told them that I guess it's because it was most joyous and less stressful being fully focused on ministry. Maybe it's also because it's a simple and slower pace of life there. Please also pray for my parents, as they trust God with my plans as well. I praise God that He grew them alot during this trip, in letting me go, and trusting Him with me. I ask that He continue to grow them and grow their trust in Him since He might lead me to some crazy places in the future.

Oh yeah, and CM 2007 was amazing! It was like a glimpse of heaven.

Now, I'm at home and having a refreshing time resting in God's presence - reading, writing, listening to sermons, playing piano and guitar. It's been very refreshing, especially after experiencing exhaustion in East Asia.

East Asia Prayer Requests.

Hi,Thank you so much for all your prayers and support in helping me go to East Asia on June 27-August 9. I am super excited as the date to depart approaches! God has been extremely faithful to me through this time of preparation and I know He's going to work mightily and blow all my expectations away on this trip. As I leave in less than a weekfor East Asia, I ask for prayer for these specific things:
- Pray for the unity of my team and that we would use the gifts Godhas given each of us. (Ephesians 4: 2-7)
- Pray that the Holy Spirit would lead us and give us boldness tospeak the Gospel. (Acts 4:29-31, Luke 12:12)
- Pray for God's love to flow through us so that others would seethatwe are His disciples and glorify Him. (John 13:34-35)
- Pray that we would trust in God and not on our own ways or our ownstrength. (Prov. 3:5-6)
- Pray that God would open up the hearts of those we speak to sothatthey may know Him. (Romans 10:10)
- Pray for clarity as we communicate the Gospel to them. (Acts 2:6)- Pray for the safety of the nationals.
- Pray for the safety of our team.
- Pray for our health.
- Pray for the conference we are going to in Korea, Campus Mission2007.
- Pray that we would be open to God's Word and His teaching.- Pray for my team leaders, Kevin and Jenn Lamb.
- Pray for those on my team who still need to raise support.
- Pray for me, that God would keep me humble and grow me inhumility.(Philippians 2)- Pray that God would remove the fear of man in me.
- Pray that we would seek His Kingdom first. (Matthew 5:33)
- Pray that entrance and exit to the country would be smooth andthatwe would not encounter any problems.
- Pray that God would grow our dependence, love, joy, and desire forHim.

Thanks again so much! I <3 you all! If there is anything I can bepraying for you about, just email me. I probably won't be able to sendor receive emails during the trip, but I will be sure to check themright when I get back! May God bless you and enrich you in His love and grace."You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on ourbehalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many."2 Corinthians 1:11

finale.

alas, another year has gone by. praise God for faithfulness this year! He's been so good to me, too good for me, really.
as my second year of college comes to an end, i'm quite excited for what is in store for the next...
woot woot! east asia here i come!

hello goodbyes.

it's tenth week. i should be writing a paper but instead i'm practicing my writing skills here.
anyway, as the school year nears the end, i've realized how wonderful this year has been and how many amazing things God has done this year. and it's been such fun times and it's been sad that this week are the lasts of many things such as:
monday - last prayer team meeting: our team dynamic year was so great! God was so faithful in giving us unity of mind. We definitely were like a family.
also last epic meeting full of k-town fun with bbq and karaoke. aww, good times.
tuesday - last W-band practice. we were like a family too, especially after spending the whole day recording last sunday. i'll miss them and playing the rhodes. but thankfully, i'll see them again during our next recording sesh.
last Bible study meeting @ Cafe 50s. such a cute place with a cute group.

and then some coming up...
wednesday - last d-time with brittany. last real life.
thursday - last day of class.

so i say hello goodbyes. i can't believe all the seniors are graduating. i will miss all of them dearly. they were an amazing class.

but i also say hello to the summer. i'm so excited for east asia! but i must now, keep focused on the here and now and be diligent where God has placed me now...so i will go and write my paper.

Dancing in Delight.

"The Lord your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior.
He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
~Zephaniah 3:17

Yay! Praise God! He has renewed the joy in me once again! Thank you for your prayers. I've gotten some much needed rest and sleep. It's been good. God is good.

So this verse has come up alot recently, and it really amazes me how God delights in us as His children. He is our Abba, Father, and He loves us so much. He is in our midst. His presence never leaves us. His Holy Spirit indwells in us. He is a victorious warrior. Jesus Christ has conquered death and hell, and He has given us eternal life through the Cross and Resurrection. He is strong and mighty: a warrior. What an interesting picture, a paradox: Jesus Christ is our Warrior - mighty, fierce, powerful, over sin and death - yet He also is so joyous over us. He exults overs us with his joy and rejoices over us with shouts of joy. Another paradox: Jubilantly and loudly God delights in us. His love is extravagant and exuberant. And He also is quiet in His love. Steadfast, calm, peaceful. He is so gentle, so sweet.

I also thought about how He is quiet in His love in response to how I was feeling last week. God is always near and always faithful to us, but sometimes He is quieter than at other times. We must realize that He is always faithful and true no matter what we feel. But God also demonstrates His love for us in awesome and wonderous ways that just blow us away.

I love the song "Amazed" by Jared Anderson. It describes so very aptly my sentiments right now.

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me.

Sickness.

1 Corinthians 1:29-27
"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God."

Recently, I've been having stomach pains, probably due to lack of boundaries --> lack of rest --> lack of sleep + stress + whole wheat products. God has been teaching me alot through this time of physical weakness. He's been humbling me and breaking me of my pride and thinking that I'm invincible and don't need rest. He's showing me that I need to take care of my body, and that He created my body to be frail, so that I would depend on Him. Sleep is sign of dependence on God. I have been neglecting to rest in God. I have been breaking the Sabbath. I have been neglecting the gift of sleep and my need for sleep and rest. And now it has taken its toll on my body.

Not only on my body, but also on my spiritual well-being. I haven't been as excited or passionate lately, and it's because I'm burned out. I'm tired and I don't have the energy to go on like this. God's been teaching me that I need to rely on Him and not to rely on myself. I need to stop striving and be still before Him. I don't feel as intimate or close to God as I have before. But even through this God has been teaching me not to depend on my own feelings, but to focus on His objective saving Truth. Jesus Christ died for my sin so that I may have life! That is what matters!

"Our life in Christ is based on objective truth, and the chief truth among the innumerable glorious truths of Scripture is that Jesus died for your sins. That's the heart of the gospel."
~C.J. Mahaney

Yesterday, we had a sweet time of intense prayer during Real Life and it was exciting to see how many people stayed and the intensity and passion of everyone there. It's exciting and encouraging to see how God is moving and how He is reviving people's hearts. Yet, honestly, I didn't feel as excited or passionate as everyone around me because I wasn't feeling very well, and again God reminded me that it's not about what I feel, it's about how He is moving and working and that He died to set me free! That is what matters!

Something I realized this morning: Whenever there are intense times of prayer within Crusade, I'm usually sick. I think this is God's way of humbling me: to show me that it is nothing on my own power, but only by His strength, so I will not boast in anything I've done, because it's nothing that I've done, and only by God's power. He uses the weak things of this world so that His power may be made even more known. Praise God.

I'm still not feeling the greatest. Please pray that God would once again light that fire within me. Please pray that I would not focus on my feelings and focus on God's awesome truth, and that through that He would give me more passion and more excitement for His Gospel and His amazing grace!

The Cross Centered Life.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarecly die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows his love for us in that while were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."
Romans 5:6-11

I just finished reading The Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney, and it was a sweet read.

It's a short and simple 88 pages, but the message it brings is the heaviest and most important thing in life. Jesus Christ took my sin and shame upon Himself on the Cross so that I can have life in Him! How great and wonderful is that? Oh, how many times has this message grown callous to me? I hear it, and just think, "Been there. Done that." Like a checklist. But accepting the Gospel is not just a one time prayer, it is a relationship, it is life, it is everything. It reminds me to keep the Cross center of everything - to keep Jesus Christ on the forefront of my mind, to gaze my eyes fixed at His Cross, to awaken my heart to see the glories of Calvary, to grow deeper and deeper in experiencing the Cross, to live each day, moment, second in light of the Gospel. It warns me from basing my life around three things:

"1. Legalism, which means basing our relationship with God on our performance.
2. Condemnation, which means being more focused on our sin than on God's grace.
3. Subjectivism, which means basing our view of God our changing feelings and emotions."

Wow, that's exactly what God's been teaching me this past year: breaking my idols of legalism, condemnation, and subjectivism to replace them with more of His cross and more of Him. How many times have I struggled through these things that take my focus off of Christ and put them on me? I still struggle daily with these things, just this morning during Morning Prayer, I realized I was falling into the tempation of legalism as I was thinking to myself, "O.K., I'm good, I woke up for morning prayer, I can do this. Look, God, see what I'm doing for you." And then even during morning prayer, I think, "Oh, look how eloquent are my words. My words must encourage others." Oh! What a wretched sinner I am, and how prideful my heart is! By God's grace and His forgiveness, He has given me life and the strength to do anything. I can't do anything without Him, and it's not by my power, but it's His alone.

And then, I can fall into the trap of condemnation - thinking to myself, "Wow, I can't believe that I thought those things while I was praying. Ugh, how can God love me? I hate that I'm like this. I hate it," forgetting to recieve God's grace and forgiveness. My salvation is secure in Him, He has forgiven me. I don't need to beat myself up. Lord, help me to recieve Your grace.

Last week, I was really feeling dry, and I beat myself up for not feeling near to God, instead of focusing on God's truth, and rejoicing that He has saved me. Oh, may my eyes gaze on the objective Truth of God's Gospel and may He be my Solid Rock.

Lord, keep my eyes focused on Your Gospel, on Your Cross. Never allow me to minimize Your salvation, Your redeeming love. Break down my pride. Break down my idols. Break down my self-dependence. Help me to wholly depend on You. Help me to grow deeper and deeper in love with You. In Your Name, Amen.

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus, Come!

paradox.

i'm a fan of paradox, oxymoron, and irony.

i was just updating my facebook profile and included these things about me:

Interests:
Jesus Christ. prayer. paradox. Christian Hedonism. dying to live. humble orthodoxy. Biblical femininity. holy desperation. passionate puritanism. speaking truth in love. fearless submission. servant leadership. radical traditions. having abundant life through self-denial. freedom in discipline. satisfaction in hunger. loving despite hate. quiet revolution. finding strength in my weakness, joy through sorrow, pleasure in pain, wealth in need. revival. people. community. books. music. beneficial blogs. smiles. the innocence of children. laughing. writing. Filipino food. international cultures. missions. rhodes tickles. yamaha mo8 hammer action. my synth, barnabas. my guitar, sunset.

I also love how God is a God of extremes because He is infinite and all-knowing, but He calls us to balance because we are finite and limited.

I thought about this last Monday while talking to Joyce. Good times.

The Critique of Judgement.

Although Kant is a difficult read and many times I don't understand him initially, when my professor explains concepts it's really interesting to see how philosophy aligns with God's truth. Kant's idea that there are limitations on human reason and knowledge coincides with the Biblical perspective on human nature. He points out that there is a duality of human nature as we are creatures of nature, yet also creatures of freedom. I thought it was interesting that Kant came to this conclusion because this proves God's sovereignty as we are controlled by outside powers showing we have limitations, yet we are also free to act within those limitations showing our free will. Freedom is knowing that there are limitations in our understanding, yet having the ability to act within these constraints. The limitations of the mind show the imperfection of the flesh, revealing we can't know everything, because we are fallen man. God is the only one who is perfect and has complete knowledge.

Kant also emphasizes self-examination and not being dogmatic. This also coincides with Biblical understanding as God calls us to constantly examine ourselves to repent of sin and seek God. Knowing Christ is a personal relationship with God, and not merely a set of rules and regulations that is to be blindly followed. It requires true saving faith in the knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, which God can only give.

Mmm. I love seeing God's truth in my secular college classes.
Oh, and speaking Chaucerian Middle English is fun times.

Tying this in with the tragedies that occurred today at Virginia Tech:
We don't always understand why things happen, but we know that God is sovereign and in control and has a plan for everything, but we can act on what we know. We can pray for the students at Virginia Tech and for the families of those who've lost loved ones. We can use this as a way to share Christ's truth and love with others. We can bring more awareness on the issue of campus safety. By God's grace, he gives us the strength to love strangers.

thankful.

Things I'm thankful for today:

• refining processes
• progressions
• God's perfect timing
• heaters
• the fuzzy insides of sweatshirts
• fresh, warm laundry newly taken from the dryer, emanating the smell of clean
• community
• shoes
• chocolate
• sleep
• rest
• God's provision
• God's truth
• God's wisdom
• family
• encouragement from olders and youngers
• laughter