Sickness.

1 Corinthians 1:29-27
"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God."

Recently, I've been having stomach pains, probably due to lack of boundaries --> lack of rest --> lack of sleep + stress + whole wheat products. God has been teaching me alot through this time of physical weakness. He's been humbling me and breaking me of my pride and thinking that I'm invincible and don't need rest. He's showing me that I need to take care of my body, and that He created my body to be frail, so that I would depend on Him. Sleep is sign of dependence on God. I have been neglecting to rest in God. I have been breaking the Sabbath. I have been neglecting the gift of sleep and my need for sleep and rest. And now it has taken its toll on my body.

Not only on my body, but also on my spiritual well-being. I haven't been as excited or passionate lately, and it's because I'm burned out. I'm tired and I don't have the energy to go on like this. God's been teaching me that I need to rely on Him and not to rely on myself. I need to stop striving and be still before Him. I don't feel as intimate or close to God as I have before. But even through this God has been teaching me not to depend on my own feelings, but to focus on His objective saving Truth. Jesus Christ died for my sin so that I may have life! That is what matters!

"Our life in Christ is based on objective truth, and the chief truth among the innumerable glorious truths of Scripture is that Jesus died for your sins. That's the heart of the gospel."
~C.J. Mahaney

Yesterday, we had a sweet time of intense prayer during Real Life and it was exciting to see how many people stayed and the intensity and passion of everyone there. It's exciting and encouraging to see how God is moving and how He is reviving people's hearts. Yet, honestly, I didn't feel as excited or passionate as everyone around me because I wasn't feeling very well, and again God reminded me that it's not about what I feel, it's about how He is moving and working and that He died to set me free! That is what matters!

Something I realized this morning: Whenever there are intense times of prayer within Crusade, I'm usually sick. I think this is God's way of humbling me: to show me that it is nothing on my own power, but only by His strength, so I will not boast in anything I've done, because it's nothing that I've done, and only by God's power. He uses the weak things of this world so that His power may be made even more known. Praise God.

I'm still not feeling the greatest. Please pray that God would once again light that fire within me. Please pray that I would not focus on my feelings and focus on God's awesome truth, and that through that He would give me more passion and more excitement for His Gospel and His amazing grace!