I love how God always breaks down all my preconceived notions, fears, and anxieties - which always shows His faithfulness despite my lack of trust in Him.
Preconceived Notion: Most of my classmates at Talbot would be middle-aged Caucasian men already very experienced in ministry.
Reality: I've met a very diverse group of people: young, older, men, women, varying ethnicities, varying ministries, varying occupations, from the entertainment biz to elementary school teachers.
Preconceived Notion: Seminary would answer many of my theological questions.
Reality: Theology class is probably the most confusing class I have, which raises more questions.
Fear: I would be lonely in grad school.
Reality: I know at least one person in each of my classes, either previously friends with them, or became friends with them this past week. I also see Erin all the time. Yay!
Fear: I would not have good community after leaving UCLA.
Reality: God's provided sweet community for me through my church and through my teammates from Japan, and I still keep in touch with my UCLA community.
Fear: Driving would be a horrendous experience, and I would get into many accidents.
Reality: It's really not so bad, and I've discovered that I love singing in the car, because I can sing as loud as I want and not worry if I sound good. haha.
Fear: I don't know how I'll make money during my time in grad school.
Reality: Job openings at church. Getting paid for doing things I already love doing.
Oh, how my finite mind looks only at the physical, and not at the spiritual. I feel like one of Jesus' disciples many times as they worried about how Jesus was going to feed the multitudes of people even though they already saw Him feed 5,000 people before.
We just studied Mark 8 last Thursday during C.A.R.E. group, so this is fresh in my mind. One of the questions was "When have you acted similarly, not expecting God to work just after he has met a need in your life?"
As all these fears arise as I start seminary, I realize I lack trust in God, even though I've seen Him guide me and get me to this point.
I hear Jesus saying, "Oh, you of little faith! Just trust in me."
I am a worrier.
Lord, increase my faith.
