Old City Jerusalem

Day 2 - Old City Jerusalem

Yesterday we went around Old City Jerusalem, looking at the different main roads, walls, and gates - with great views of the city and the Mt. of Olives, and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre - where tradition says Jesus was crucified and was buried. My favorite part of the tour was going to the ruins of the Pools of Bethesda - where Jesus healed the lame man in John 5. We sang in the chapel there called St. Anne's Chapel and it had such sweet acoustics. We sang "It Is Well" and "When I Survey" and I just got goosebumps listening to the beautiful sound of only our voices. I was so inspired I wrote a poem right there:

A beautiful melody rings in the chapel
Built on the ruins of the pools
Where the angel stirred the waters
A song of Shalom
Lines the marble walls
The Simple Cross says it all
Here there's healing
Where the lame man jumped for joy
When Yeshua said, "Rise up and walk."
There's healing here.
In the palms of His hands.
In the nail-scarred hands
Where Beauty lies.
Simplicity.
Simple Melody.
Shalom.

P.S. I love our group and my roommate Lauren. Such great fellowship with other seminary students.

Safely Arrived!

Hi all!

We arrived in Tel Aviv yesterday around 3 pm. Right now, I'm sitting in the lobby of our hotel in Jerusalem, called the Gloria Hotel. After a crazy day at the airport with intense security, and a 15 hr. plane ride, we finally made it here and I'm so excited! Last night, we went to see the Wailing Wall at Herod's Temple Mount. It's so crazy that we were at the place where Jesus had his last discourse in John 14-17. Being there seeing all the people praying to the wall was a really interesting experience. I'm still trying to process it all, and honestly I probably won't really have time to process it until after the trip.

I slept pretty well last night, so now I'm ready to go!

P.S. Please pray for one of my group mates, Jen. The airline security didn't let her ride with us yesterday, but she will be coming today. Please pray for her safety.

Thanks all! Love you!

The Best Christmas EVER!

I had the best Christmas/Christmas week EVER! Reasons why:

-The BEST Christmas gift EVER from my brother and sister-in-law! A Kitchen-Aid standmixer! Thanks Bon and Joses! If you know me at all, you would understand just how much I've wanted one of these for a very long time. And it's just exciting spending Christmas with the newlyweds. I loved having bonding times this past week with Bon at their new apartment. Thanks for letting me bake and hang out there!

-Spending Christmas with all my family at my house, and having the youth party at church, building graham cracker houses. good times :)

-Breakfast with Joanna and Joy on Christmas Eve. Thanks Joanna for the Snuggie! It's so warm! And I especially need it right now that my heater is broken at my house. I love it! And thanks for all the sweater! I think sweaters are my favorite article of clothing.

- Feeling accomplished with Team Glasses (a.k.a. Kyle and the Amazing Crisostomos) after recording a demo of an original song by Nate and Kyle. Good job, guys. I'm proud of you.

- Turning in my final paper on Monday and being DONE with the semester! Then regressing with Yen and Easter to watch, "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." So fun! I love being a kid.

- Taking a personal retreat...really refreshing and needed that time with God.

- Waking up on Christmas morning, thinking to myself, "Wow! I'm going to be in the place where Jesus lived! The Christmas story will take on a new dimension this year for me!"

-Woot! Leaving for Israel tomorrow! I am so excited! I woke up this morning thinking about this fact and I felt like I was going to explode from excitement!

Now I gotta finish packing...

The Half-Way Point.

Whoo! This semester has been a whirlwind! Starting my semester off with evacuating my house due to fires, then taking two languages at once (which was not the wisest decision), preparing for my brother's wedding, and preparing for the Christmas concert at church...craziness...I know that it was truly only by God's grace that I got through it all. And I am so grateful! Now I have the opportunity to look forward to Israel! Wow, I can't believe we're leaving this Sunday!

And it's Christmas in a little more than 24 hrs. Crazy. Where did the time go?

I'm halfway done with my M.A. program at Talbot. Wow, I can't believe that either. God has been so good to me through it all.

I will be keeping my blog updated while I'm in Israel, so check back often!

Non-Productivity.

I just read this today from the DesiringGod blog, and it was such a good reminder, especially as I am tempted to forget my Sabbath today and have a desire to do something productive-

http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/2116_you_dont_have_to_be_productive/

Refreshment After Pajama Day

Recently, I've been feeling really tired. Even though I get enough sleep - like 8 or 9 hours, the energy of my youth is waning. I've been going this intense pace for awhile, and it's taking its toll on me. But God is still gracious even in my tiredness.

Last Friday, I spent the whole day in my pajamas. It was cold outside and I was so comfortable just reading, studying, and watching Filipino dramas all warm and cozy in my pjs. So when afternoon rolled around and I knew I had to get ready for AWANA, I was really not in the mood to go anywhere. But I still got up and got dressed. As I was driving to my church, I prayed that God would give me the energy and desire to minister to the kids, since I was feeling so tired and didn't really feel like going. I think it's because I've been thinking to myself... "What you're doing doesn't matter. Why are you in ministry? Why are you in seminary? You're not in the right place. You're not using your gifts. You're not applying anything you're learning. You should do something else." And then discontentment ensues...and I just feel drained.

But God is so gracious to me.
I get to AWANA and God gives me the opportunity to share the Gospel to 3 kids from the neighborhood who have been coming for awhile which I'm so thankful for and I had some sweet 1-on-1 time with one of the high school girls (since she was the only one who came, but I actually really like these 1-on-1 times. I'll have to admit, 1-on-1 time is probably my favorite.)
In these times of ministry, I felt so refreshed by God. My soul really felt revived from pouring out. It's easy to get fat on the overload of spiritual food that I'm taking in at seminary, and I'm so thankful that God's put me in a place to exercise some of the stuff I take in.

Other things I'm thankful for this past week:
~Got to meet Mark Dever, author of "9 Marks of a Healthy Church" and "Deliberate Church," and founder of "9 Marks Ministries" at a Q and A Sesh last Tuesday evening after he spoke at our chapel. I was happy that he answered my question and realized that prayer is really powerful and that I take this for granted many times after he answered my question.
I asked, "How does a small church develop a plurality of elders when there are limited resources?"
The main gist of his answer was to pray. He also said that some churches hold too high of a standard on elders, and that they might have qualified elders in their church, and just need to recognize them. But prayer is key.
Interestingly, I noticed out of a group of about 20-30, I was the only woman at the Q and A sesh.

~The victory of Manny Pacquiao! woot! that was an exciting fight! And I'm cheering in solidarity with all of the other Filipinos in the world. good times watching it at Ate Bon's house with her family. I feel like I've been bonding alot with her extended family...haha good times.

~UCLA reunions: Good times seeing UCLA friends at Keo's housewarming party. Yay makes me really happy :) I miss UCLA.

~Finding biblical allusions in Norma Jean songs. Hardcore music is so apt while reading the judgments of the OT prophets. Found out that Norma Jean is playing "Bless the Martyr, Kiss the Child" at the Nov. 25th show that I'm going to! So stoked!

Hope in Habakkuk

I don't know what I was thinking when I enrolled to take Greek and Hebrew at the same time. I'm now suffering the consequences of my youthful ambition. haha. I am crazy.

This past semester has been hard. Not only academically, but ministry-wise, life in general has been hard.

I was talking to my friend Stephen today, explaining to him how I was writing a research paper on Habakkuk because I feel like Habakkuk is quite relevant to my life right now. We were talking about Habakkuk and Job are different because where Job experienced very personal suffering in his own life and family, Habakkuk cried out to God because of the injustice that he saw around him. Just as Habakkuk cried out to God asking why there was all this evil and suffering around him, these past few weeks I've been crying out to God asking Him why all these hard things are happening around me - not necessarily even to me, but to people around me.

In Habakkuk's case, there was all this evil happening around him in Israel, and then God responds saying that He's raising up a nation, the Chaldeans, to carry out punishment, taking over Israel. Habakkuk doesn't understand why God is using a nation that is even more evil to carry out justice. God responds, saying He'll bring about justice to the Chaldeans also in His own time - and that "the righteous shall live by his faith" (2:4). So at the end of Habakkuk, there is a beautiful prayer showing Habakkuk's trust in God's justice even if he doesn't necessarily understand what's going on around him.
And it ends in some of my favorite verses of the Bible...

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."
Habakkuk 3:17-19

I'm learning how to rejoice in the Lord even when I don't understand what's happening around me. I'm learning how to mourn with those who mourn, and weep with those who weep - to enter in someone else's pain, to sit with them. It's hard.

On a lighter note, we had a bridal party weekend for Ate Bonnie this past weekend and it was so much fun. It was good times hanging out with Ate Bonnie and the bridesmaids - being girlie with them - doing hair, make-up, watching chick flicks (filipino dramas), taking pictures. I have to admit, that I actually enjoyed it. This is quite an improvement from thinking these "girlie" things were a waste of time like I used to. It used to be painful for me, but now I'm slowly starting to enjoy it. hahaha. I guess I'm finally growing up or "blossoming" as they like to say - maybe just 5 years too late. It's funny when the high school girls at church compliment me for wearing eye-liner and give me make-up tips. It's really strange how one piece of make-up can do so much. It's quite a humbling experience learning all these things actually, makes me see how it actually takes skill and practice. hahaha. I'm finally embracing "being a girl." And it's O.K. since I am a girl. haha.

There's No Place Like Home.

Praise God! We were able to go back to our house last Wednesday, Sept. 2. Our house is safe and the firefighters put out the fires near my house. I am so thankful for the firefighters, risking their lives to save our homes. I have alot to be thankful for - for everyone who showed their care and concern during this time, and for those who helped me and my family in tangible ways - housing us and feeding us. We are truly blessed, and there truly is no place like home. I'm glad to be back.

The Fiery Flames Keep on Blazing.

It's strange and surreal watching the news. I hear them talking about the fire, seeing over 100,000 acres being burned to ashes, less than 1/2 a mile from my house, hearing the street names that are so familiar. This is not something far away, something that's across the world from me. It's happening on my street, in my neighborhood. Strange.

I'm sitting in the Talbot lounge, and I should be studying for both Greek and Hebrew -my semester's quite full and I need to get on top of things. And yet, I hardly feel motivated, so I'll blog to remember this craziness.

Saturday was a weird day:

At 7 am, my dad woke me up, telling me, "Grace, we have to start packing in case we have to evacuate." I groggily ask, "Do we really have to leave?" thinking it's just my dad's paranoia that motivates him to start packing. A neighbor asks him, "Are you going to evacuate?" My dad says, "No, just packing just in case." I go back to sleep. Around 9 am, my dad wakes me up and says, "Grace, wake up, Yo-yo Ma is playing on television at Ted Kennedy's funeral." By this time, my parents are done packing, so they are just sitting and watching the funeral, so I decide to join them, and watch the funeral. Around noon, I decide to get dressed because my parents tell me we're going to the beach at Oxnard to get some fresh air to get away from the raining ashes and smoke. I dress in my beach attire, ask if I should start packing, and my dad tells me to at least pack for a few days in case we have to stay somewhere else because of the smoke. I pack my pink Little Twin Stars suitcase, which holds 3 outfits. I don't really think we have to leave. I start checking my email and facebook, then I try studying for Hebrew, but then I get light-headed. Kuya Joseph and Ate Bon come home after going somewhere in the morning, and Bon tells Joseph he should probably start packing stuff just in case. I hear the helicopters hover around, taking water from the reservoir nearby to extinguish the flames. The sky has an orange, foreboding glow. This is when I finally start walking around the house, trying to figure out what to take.

I really don't have very many valuables. I'm not too attached to many material things. My dad tells me to at least pack my trunk full of stuff, so we each pack our own cars full of stuff. I gather my pictures, my diplomas, my awards, a week's worth of clothing, books I need for the semester, and this is what I put in the trunk of my car. I guess that's what's good about being a poor grad student - I've never really had the money to buy expensive things. I really only have lots of books, but those are replaceable.

After I'm done packing, I take my dog, Chuckie, to my aunt's house, because this smoky air can't possibly be good for him. He's covered in ash. On my way to my aunt's house, I pass many fire trucks, observing neighbors, and police cars. I see the fire. It's on the next hillside, probably less than 1/2 a mile away. Crazy. At my aunt's house, while getting Chuckie settled, my mom calls my aunt and tells her that she just heard on the radio that our neighborhood has been issued mandatory evacuations. I go to my church to park three of our cars, and then from there we go to Oxnard. On the way to Oxnard, my mom gets a call from someone to make sure that we've left our house. It's real. It's our house that's in danger.

I sit on the beach, watching the huge body of water in front of me, and it's surreal that a fire is threatening my house. I try to study Hebrew, but I still can't concentrate, so I write, and then I fall asleep as my parents walk along the beach together. Surprisingly, I'm not as stressed as I should think I should be, and my dad's not as frantic as usual. It's good we left early. God is gracious even in the craziness.

I stayed at my pastor's house on Sunday night and have been staying at my friend, Melissa's house the past few days. My parents have been back and forth from my aunt's house, checking in to a hotel, then going back home, and then going to my pastor's house, then going back home. Our neighbhors have stayed in their homes, so my parents figure it's o.k. for them to be at the house.

These past few days have been strange - being at school, supposed to be keeping up with school work, also trying to keep updated with what's happening, really only knowing what's going on by watching the news. But I'm also very thankful and grateful that my family is safe, that we have amazing firefighters doing the best they can, and that I have so many caring friends and family who have taken such good care of me and have checked up on me during this crazy time. I'm thankful for all the prayers, concern, and being shown God's love in tangible ways. I'm thankful for community. I'm thankful for the body of Christ. I'm thankful that God is in control.

A Day on my Front Lawn.

Once again, it's time for musings from my front lawn. It really is quite delightful just sitting outside on my front lawn, soaking in the sun, feeling the gentle breeze.

After having a crazy panic attack last Saturday, I spent some time Son-bathing today. I feel much better now, thanks to friends, community, solitude, rest, prayer, nature, worship music, and God's Word.

You bid me come and partake -
'Drink deeply from the divine waters
Of the crystal lake, so pure and clear
Is the water here.'
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."
You tell me to take a cup and feel the waters
Of repentance - refreshing, reviving to my soul.
I am filled. I am free
To thirst for more of You.

It was a clear, blue sky. I sat in front of my house, listening to the few cars that drove by. The breeze flowing through the leaves of the trees made a sweet rustling sound. An ant scurrying across the light, green hose, escaped the flooded grass. My toes dug into the prickly, green grass - the grass which makes my skin itch as I flicked the ants off my blanket. The trees lined up to make an entry way to the wilderness of the mountains. This land used to be ancient Indian burial grounds. Am I lying on a chief's grave? I wondered what wars happened in these mountains, long ago, before Los Angeles was a Metropolis, before it was necessary for the suburbian birth.

A painting of a man with white hair (a wig?) and a solemn face with penetrating eyes stares at me from the cover of a paperback. But this is no cheap romance novel. "Religious Affections" by Jonathan Edwards. The picture - Jonathan Edwards, I presume. How very nice to meet you, Mr. Edwards. I've heard so much about you through the decades. Heat and light. Knowledge and affections. Oh, how I want my heart to beat, to long, to desire, to cherish the Greatest Good: God, who is the Ultimate Good. May my life be devoted to this God-ward romance, to this God-ward pursuit.

Feasting on Books. Desirataurus the Dinosaur eats the Leaves in the Library.

Now that I'm finished with summer Greek, I actually have time to read for enjoyment. Yay. I feel like I have book ADD because it's hard for me to just sit down and read one book...After a few chapters, I keep on changing books. haha. I've started so many books that I really need to finish. I'm writing this blog post so I can keep track of what books I need to finish...haha.

Currently on my books that I need to finish list and am actually reading right now. an eclectic variety:
- "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands" by Paul David Tripp
- "Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong" by John MacArthur and GCC leaders
- The Anne of Green Gables series - at least the first 3 books, because I have the 1st 3 books in 1 Volume.
- "Blood Red Sunset" by Ma Bo

My goal is to finish at least these books before the Fall Semester starts.

If I have extra time, I need to finish reading these books which I've previously started (some, many years back, so I might just have to start from the beginning):
- "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer
- "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoevsky
- "It Is Not Death to Die: A Biography on Hudson Taylor" by Jim Cromarty
- "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn
- "Confessions" by Augustine
- "Callings - Twenty Centuries of Christian Wisdom on Vocation"
- "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini
- "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller
- "Pilgrim's Progress" by John Bunyan
- "The Souls of Black Folk" by W.E. B. Du Bois

Books which I own which I would like to begin, but probably shouldn't start, until I finish the ones listed above:
- "Religious Affections" by Jonathan Edwards
- "Spectacular Sins" by John Piper
- "The Vanishing Conscience" by John MacArthur
- "Miracles" by C.S. Lewis
- "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas
- "Cities- Missions' New Frontier" by Roger S. Greenway and Timothy M. Monsma
- "Marcos Legacy Revisted: Raiders of the Lost Gold" by Erick San Juan
- "Teacher Power" by my uncle, Eusebio San Diego
- "Hurt- Inside the World of Today's Teenagers" by Chap Clark
- "All the Tea in China" by Jane Orcut

This is a quite extensive list....and there are so many more that I would like to put on this list but I'll just stop now...

I told my brother that I need to finish all these books before I can buy anymore new free reading books...that'll be hard...haha.

(The title of this post refers to a youth retreat mnemonic.)

whoooo! now it's time to play!

Yay! I survived Suicide Greek! So exciting! God is so gracious!

After Mel and I finished watching the BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice," all the intensity of studying for Greek finally hit me yesterday afternoon. My body is definitely beat. I was joking with Kuya Bryan the other week that I feel like I've aged 10 years over this 1 year of seminary, and he said that my body has probably aged 10 years since last year with the intensity of this past year. ack.
I knew it was bad when my face started twitching a few nights before the final. haha.
I probably should also take better care of my body...(but eating Kogi tacos the night before my final with my brother, Mae, and Marie was so worth it! especially since the Kogi truck was in my hometown, and nothing ever happens in my hometown! haha...mmm so good!)
So I survived, but not without a few casualties...
I think this is God's way of humbling me.

So the Wednesday before our Greek final, Mel, Andy, and I were comparing our 1 John tranlsations and when I read 1 John 3:1 - it suddenly just hit me:

"Behold, what sort of love the Father has given to us, that we might be called children of God, and so we are!" (New Grace Version...as Yen likes to call it...haha)

It made me so happy to be reminded that I am God's child...not just called His child, but I am His child! Yay! So many times, I get caught up in the craziness and stress of studying, I tend to forget who I am in Christ. I tend to think that my identity lies in the grades I get and in the ministry I do instead of in Christ. I love these moments when I feel like God gives me a hug and says, "It's o.k., Calm down, my child. You are my child. I am your Abba." Thanks God, for reminding me of who I am in You despite my tendency to forget. The doctrine of adoption is something I love because I am naturally a legalist. Yay! This truth that I am God's child makes me want to dance or even frolick in a field of flowers and sing at the top of my lungs!

And in these times, I am reminded why I am studying Greek. This is why I love studying - I experience God's love and grace in such sweet and powerful ways.

Thanks for your prayers :)

It's Greek to Me.

Finished my first year of seminary.

Lasted through Vacation Bible School. Lots of kids. Crazy. Hectic. Fun. Church body working together.

Survived 2 weeks of suicide Greek. Just 5 more to go. This is gonna be a long summer. Our study group is amazing. Fun times partying it up in the library. hah.

And I've had some time to play. Yay.

God is gracious.

Jesus loves me.

<3.

I know this is where He wants me to be.

Thanks for your prayers.

Letting the Red In.

So I finally bought a Biola sweatshirt, since it was on sale for 35% off. Although I will always be a true Bruin at heart and will always proudly wear my blue and gold, I did buy a red Biola sweatshirt. I figured I'm going to spend the next 3 years there, the same amount I spent at UCLA, so I might as well buy a sweatshirt. I was thinking about buying a Talbot sweatshirt, but I didn't really like the design as much, so I ended up just getting a normal Biola university sweatshirt. I feel very undergradish wearing it, and I probably look very much like an undergrad wearing it. Well, I am supposed to still be an undergrad at the very young age of 22.

I'm 22 and a seminary student. Weird.

Surrender - A difficult yet freeing experience. Still trying to figure out how to do it.

Although seminary's alot of work and studying, which can get stressful at times (especially when I have 40 pages of written work due in one week), I truly do enjoy it at the core of my being. I love delving into God's Word as it challenges my heart and my mind.

At one point in time this past semester, I was so excited about studying God's Word that it made me want to dance. (I think I might've been doing homework in the Psalms for hermeneutics.) So I put on some Israel Houghton, shut the door of my room, and just danced for joy. Danced like David danced. Undignified.

I told my fellow PT 709ers about this experience, and one guy, Ben, said he got a picture of me being like those little kids who have the toy of trying to put the correct shape in the right hole, and that for a while, I was trying different holes, but now I finally put the shape in the right hole, and it's brought me great joy, just as that kid who puts the shape in the right hole gets really happy.

I agree - Discovering more about how God has made me and how I can use the way He has gifted me for His glory.

And that PT 709 class is amazing. I love the transparency and prayer that goes on in there. Those people are so cool.

Community: another reason why seminary's such a sweet experience. Learning from people and being with people who are passionate for God and His Word. Good times.

Prayer request: I'm going to take a year's worth of Greek in the span of six weeks this summer. (They call it suicide Greek for a reason. ahhhh) haha. And the first week of summer school is VBS at my church which I'm heading up....so....yeah, I need lots of prayer :) Thanks.

Tidbits.

So I was reading some articles today, and found some interesting quotes...

"Sacrificial service in the church doesn't start with serving. It starts with being served by God. Then as we are satisfied in Him and who He's revealed Himself to be in His crucified Son, we gladly overflow in service of others. "
~David Mathis, "Served by God, Serving Man"

"I'm finally beginning to realize that I cannot show others the truth about God until I tell myself the truth about His unconditional love.
Can I urge you to do something? Ask Him to tell you about it. Make it your job to hear about it, to immerse yourself in it, to pursue a deeper knowledge of it. Ask others how they know they are unconditionally loved by God. Study the Bible on this subject. Draw pictures, sing songs, tell stories, tell others — whatever it takes to cement this truth in your heart."

"I can't always explain why I do or don't fall in love with someone; how can I expect this of someone else? The good news is that regardless of its romantic potential, each relationship is an excuse for prayer. If it results in faith for someone's purity, well-being, and godliness, even a five-second crush can be a way to expand the Kingdom of God."
~Elisabeth Adams, "One Single Day"

Update on My Life.

(Photo caption: With some Epic Japan project people after the Chris Tomlin concert)

So I've decided to do an update on my life:

-I love it at Talbot. The people there are amazing! From students to faculty, I have felt welcomed and encouraged by their authenticity and open hearts. It's starting to feel like my second home now. (And it probably will be for the like next 5 years...haha.) God is faithful in answering my prayer about community. I love my classes and studying God's Word. My mind and heart have been challenged in so many different ways. It truly is a privilege to study there.

On that note, I'm in the process of changing my program - probably to an M.A. in Biblical Exposition. I realized this program fits me well, since I love learning languages and analyzing texts. Here is where my English major nerdiness fits. haha. I also have been more convicted about the great power there is in God's Word and my very limited understanding of it. It's interesting because I feel like the more I learn in seminary, the more I realize how little I know.

On another side note, meeting up with Erin at Biola every week has been such a blessing to me. It makes me see how God is so gracious in allowing me to see her grow in Him, and how awesome it is that He orchestrated this whole thing.

-I'm enjoying serving at my church, and God continues to give me the grace and joy in ministry. He has provided a super encouraging team of awesome people who serve alongside with me. I also learn alot about through watching children's joy, trust, faith, and simplicity. Teaching high school students has also been a humbling experience as I continue to recognize my own inadequacies and God's grace in supplying all my needs.

Conducting choir has been alot of fun too, and it's just amazing listening to lovely voices worship God. I also started taking voice lessons, which has been quite enlightening, since my voice teacher told me I was a soprano, after singing alto all my life. haha. Who knew? But now that I'm learning how to sing properly, I actually enjoy singing soprano more. :)

-I still don't really know what I'm doing after graduate school, but I'm learning how to be o.k. with this fact. I realized this week that I'm really young - a mere 21, on the verge of 22, and if God wills it, I have my whole life ahead of me. So for now, I'll enjoy the present, and trust God to guide me each step of the way. (It has actually been a difficult process for me to get to this point, as I have the tendency to plan my whole life out and want to take control.)

-Even in the midst of studies and ministry, I have had fun times this past week...going to Disneyland twice, seeing Chris Tomlin live, and running into some Epic Japan project people. God is so good! Again, He reminds me of the great community that He's given me and how privileged I am to have sweet times with friends!

Snow Falls Fast. It Makes Me Smile :)

The beauty of snow.
White, powdery, fresh.
A blanket I'd cover myself in
If it weren't for the cold and watery slush.

Snow man -
I made you
With your leafy limbs and stony eyes.
You stand to show me my frailty,
As you melt in the sun.

I'm happy today
Basking in the rays
Of the sun that's as bright
As a mirror blinding me with its light.

Farewell. It was a pleasure to meet you.
I'll see you again one day.

Out of the Depths.

New favorite song from Sovereign Grace's Psalms CD.

Out of the Depths
by Bob Kauflin

Verse 1
Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You.
When I am tempted to despair.
Though I might fail to trust Your promises,
You never fail to hear my prayer.
And if you judged my sin,
I'd never stand again,
But I see mercy in Your hands.

Chorus
So more than watchmen for the morning,
I will wait for You, my God.
When my fears come with no warning,
in Your Word I'll put my trust.
When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit,
I will wait, I will wait for You.

Verse 2
The secret mysteries belong to You.
We only know what You reveal.
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will.
In every trial and loss my hope is in the cross
Where your compassions never fail.

Roses have no scent: Musings from my front lawn.

"Stop and smell the roses," they always say. So I did that today. But I couldn't really smell anything. Maybe it's because I have a slight cold. But I took some deep breaths, and still, nothing. So I moved on to the next flowers - sampaguita - a quite pungeunt smell. I walked around the garden in my front yard and smelled the flowers. I don't think I've ever done that before, even after living at this house for 20 years of my life. Maybe I have, during those childhood days when I used to turn the small front-yard garden into a tropical rainforest, where behind each bush rustling, there was a tiger or a zebra or an elephant. But those days are gone now.

Anyways, I sat on my front lawn for the first time in over a year. One or two cars passed by, but it wasn't even really on my street. There were no people walking around. I guess that's how it is in the middle of the day in the suburbs. I could hear the gentle trickle of my neighbor's man-made waterfall, or was that just a hose leaking? The light and airy breeze flowed through the windchimes, making an undistinguished melody. I could hear the faraway sound of the freeway and the whizz of a motorcycle, or maybe that was some kind of gardening tool? A lawnmower to keep the grass cut and straight. Front lawns have to be maintained in the suburbs. Otherwise, the city complains.

I miss the sound of the tricycles, the motorcycles, the jipneys that whizz by. I miss the sound of my titas cooking, washing, and laughing. I miss the delicious food, the fresh vegetables and fruits, papayas just picked from our backyard, the fresh meat just killed that day. I miss the smell of burning trash and the sound of roosters crowing at daybreak. I miss the chicks that chirp and hide behind the mother hen. I miss the ducks who wander. I miss the bark of the dogs and the poor three-legged dog that watches out for strangers. I miss the constant flow of people who come and eat, taking a merienda, to just sit and chat for awhile. I miss the slow pace of life - the time to talk and kuwento, time to listen, and play cards. listening to the lives of my family, the happy, the masaya days of their youth, and the hardship of just trying to survive in a land where $5/day is the normal income.

I miss the Philippines.