Dying to Live.

While reading the narrative of the Lord's last week before His death and resurrection, I came across this verse.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."

John 12:24

And the song "Baptize My Mind" by Jon Foreman comes to mind.

Reaching always reaching
Never reaching solid ground
Seeking always seeking
Never seeking what I've found

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First it must die

Both my hands are filled with guilt
(Be my absolution)
Oh with my eyes are blind with filth
(Be my absolution, absolution)

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

I'm learning what it means to die to self...

I guess I'm learning what my self is first, because I need to know what self is before I can die to it...

And our Lord's words of courage comfort me:

"Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father save Me from this hour?' But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name." Then a loud voice came from heaven: "I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again."

(John 12:27-28).

Even though Christ knew that He was going to suffer such great pain on our behalf, and was troubled in His soul, He still went through with it. I'm comforted that He was troubled in soul - that He was fully human and had the feelings of fear that we do, but even in feeling "troubled," he still continued on - and He didn't ask the Father to save Him from the pain, but asked the Father to be glorified in it.

As I think about my own fears in continuing down this journey of facing pain, I am thankful that Christ understands me and is with me in it, and the question that I ask myself is:

"Will I ask the Lord to save me from this pain or will I ask Him to be glorified in it?"