The Start of Seminary.

I love how God always breaks down all my preconceived notions, fears, and anxieties - which always shows His faithfulness despite my lack of trust in Him.

Preconceived Notion: Most of my classmates at Talbot would be middle-aged Caucasian men already very experienced in ministry.
Reality: I've met a very diverse group of people: young, older, men, women, varying ethnicities, varying ministries, varying occupations, from the entertainment biz to elementary school teachers.

Preconceived Notion: Seminary would answer many of my theological questions.
Reality: Theology class is probably the most confusing class I have, which raises more questions.

Fear: I would be lonely in grad school.
Reality: I know at least one person in each of my classes, either previously friends with them, or became friends with them this past week. I also see Erin all the time. Yay!

Fear: I would not have good community after leaving UCLA.
Reality: God's provided sweet community for me through my church and through my teammates from Japan, and I still keep in touch with my UCLA community.

Fear: Driving would be a horrendous experience, and I would get into many accidents.
Reality: It's really not so bad, and I've discovered that I love singing in the car, because I can sing as loud as I want and not worry if I sound good. haha.

Fear: I don't know how I'll make money during my time in grad school.
Reality: Job openings at church. Getting paid for doing things I already love doing.

Oh, how my finite mind looks only at the physical, and not at the spiritual. I feel like one of Jesus' disciples many times as they worried about how Jesus was going to feed the multitudes of people even though they already saw Him feed 5,000 people before.

We just studied Mark 8 last Thursday during C.A.R.E. group, so this is fresh in my mind. One of the questions was "When have you acted similarly, not expecting God to work just after he has met a need in your life?"
As all these fears arise as I start seminary, I realize I lack trust in God, even though I've seen Him guide me and get me to this point.

I hear Jesus saying, "Oh, you of little faith! Just trust in me."

I am a worrier.

Lord, increase my faith.

In the Cross Alone I Glory.

new favorite modern hymn.

In the Cross Alone I Glory

In the cross alone I glory
Recognition laying down
Greatest treasures count as worthless
Standing next to Heaven’s crowns
Standing next to Heaven’s crowns

In the cross alone I glory
Ever reaching for the prize
Pressing on and laying hold of
That for which my savior died
That for which my savior died

In the cross alone I glory
Nothing of my own to give
Only that which Christ has offered
For my soul that I may live
For my soul that I may live

In the cross alone I glory
Holding fast the word of life
Toiling not in vain but being
Poured out as a sacrifice
Poured out as a sacrifice

Never will I seek the glory
That was never meant for me
Always heavenward reflecting
All to Jesus to receive
All to Jesus to receive
All to Jesus to receive

Listen to it here: http://www.worshiptogether.com/songs/songdetail.aspx?iid=561619

We've sang this song a few times at church. Last Sunday, during evening service, this song brought me to tears. These are such hard words to sing. Yet, also so freeing. What a paradox.

I went to the New Student Banquet for Talbot today at Biola. I'm excited to start classes on Wednesday :)

120 Years, One Foundation

(Photo caption: Friday night during our Fiesta celebration, celebrating it Filipino style, serving food on banana leaves. We're one happy family :)

Praise God for a sweet 120th Anniversary for my church, Congregational Christian Church last Sunday. God has been so faithful to us through all these years!

How Reading Rocks My World...Haha...I'm such a nerd

I've been reading some very different books, but all have rocked my view of the world. Some quotes from each:

Book One: Knowing God by J.I. Packer

It's actually a quote from another book:
"Zeal in religion is a burning desire to please God, to do His will, and to advance His glory in the world in every possible way. It is a desire which no man feels by nature - which the Spirit puts in the heart of every believer when he is converted - but which some believers feel so much more strongly than others that they alone deserve to be called 'zealous' men..."
- From Practical Religion by Bishop J.C. Ryle

Book Two: Heaven by Randy Alcorn

"As human beings, whom God made to be both physical and spiritual, we are not designed to live in a non-physical realm - indeed, we are incapable of even imagining such a place (or rather, a non-place). An incorporeal state is not only unfamiliar to our experience, it is also incompatible with our God-given constitution. We are not, as Plato supposed, merely spiritual beings temporarily encased in bodies. Adam did not become a "living being" - the Hebrew word nephesh - until he was both body and spirit (Genesis 2:7). We are physical beings as much as we are spiritual beings. That's why our bodily resurrection is essential to endow us with eternal righteous humanity, setting us free from sin, the Curse, and death." (Pg. 16)

Book Three: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

"In contrast, there should be no pressure for good grades at all. Grades are unimportant. Some children can achieve "A's" without any diligent effort. Others struggle for a good solid "C". What is important is that your child learn to do his work diligently for God. God has promised that he will reward the faithful. Knowing that gifts and abilities are a stewardship from the Lord, your child's objective should be faithfulness. You need to train your child to find in Christ the strength and power to work for GOd's glory. Anything else is training him to think and act unbiblically."
(Pg. 55)

New JJ Heller Album for Free!

Processing.

(Some of my fam. From Left to Right: Mom, Tita Elly and Tito Sebio (just came from the Philippines), Tita Choleng, Mildred, Tito Rado, Aldren)

(Warning: Long Journal Entry Part of my Post Project Processing. haha)

It's been pretty busy for me the past few days since arriving. My uncle and aunt just arrived from the Philippines the night I arrived and they're staying with us. So the rest of my family's been over and we've been entertaining them the past few days. If you don't know, my mom is from a family of 9 children, so you can just think of how many people have been in and out of my house the past few days. haha. It's been super fun and I've really enjoyed spending time with my family, and talking to my Tito Sebio, from the Philippines. I'm realizing that alot of my verbal/English/teaching/activist tendencies come from him. He was a college professor and he fought for teacher's rights in the late 60's and early 70's before martial law in the Philippines. He even talked with President Marcos. He has some pretty sweet stories.

Anyways, since all that jazz is happening, it's been harder for me to sit still and just process. And when I do have time to sit still, I get busy with trying to figure out classes and financial aid stuff for Biola, which is a bit stressful for me, since I was supposed to have most of this done before I left for Japan. oops. O well.

So as I was cooking rice today, I started processing through some of the things I learned this past month. Maybe it's because rice makes me think of Japan, I'm not really sure why. Or maybe it was just because I read Easter's blog about her Epic trip to SanFran and it made me think of things. (Thanks Easter :) Although, I'm realizing how God has been breaking down alot of the ways I compartmentalize things and that I don't necessarily have to be in a room by myself for a long period of time to process through things. (Alot of the time, actually, I find that I think of things during the most random times like sitting on the toilet or in the shower. haha. I'm guessing that I gave you way too much info.) I also find that I process through things as I talk to people too. So I don't think I'm a complete internal or external processor, I guess it's a both/and; maybe I just tend to lean on being more internal.

I also realized on this trip that I'm alot more extroverted than I say or think I am. I'm still an introvert, but I definitely love being with people and talking to people and pouring out. Although it's tiring, it's like this joyful kind of tired. Like I'm super happy when I'm with people. And so when I do have quiet times with God it's even more refreshing, even when I only have like a couple of minutes. I think that God broke down alot of the ways I think about what a quiet time or spending time with Him looks like. Often times, I find comfort in routine and having consistent quiet times with God in the morning and at night. For awhile, because I wasn't having this consistency on project, I was feeling really down and beat up on myself alot. One morning Kester prayed for me (Aww, I miss Kester Pard! He's one of our teammates from Indonesia, but studying at Penn State for college), and he prayed that God would break down my whole notion of what a quiet time looks like, that it doesn't necessarily have to be what I want it to be, that even when I just have a few moments with the Lord throughout the day, that those would be just as refreshing as spending hours with Him. He reminded me that we were there to minister to others, and that in that jam-packed super flexible schedule and being with our team all the time, we might not be able to have the same kind of quiet times we have at home with our normal day-to-day schedule. I really felt God's grace and a sense of freedom when he prayed that over me. Not saying that long hours and consistent quiet times are bad, they're really very good, but sometimes we don't have that kind of time, and God is still so gracious. I'm realizing that because of the consistent quiet times in the past, alot of His Word has been hidden in my heart, and that just at the right times, even during a few seconds, He reminded me of the Words that I just needed to hear that very second. His love is free, I don't have to think I'm a "good" Christian, doing all the "right" things to receive His love. Oh my legalistic attitude! May God break it down more and more!



(Photo Caption: Me and Kester, my Southeast Asian brother, haha)

I also realized that through having this notion of a quiet time, that I have been very prideful in the past, thinking I was some "super spiritual" Christian because I spent hours alone with God, and God constantly reminds me how I'm no better than anyone else, that I need His grace just as much as anyone else, that I'm not a "super spiritual" Christian, that it's hard for me to be excited about spiritual things sometimes even when other people are excited about it. Just because I'm going to seminary, doesn't mean I'm at the top of the spiritual ladder or anything. I'm just as broken and just as in process as everyone else.

God gives me just the right amount of energy and grace I need to minister to others, even when I don't think I've spent enough time with Him, and through spending time with others, I experience His love and grace. Many times I thought I was ministering to others, I realize that God was ministering to me in those times.

God is so good. He is so gracious, and I'm fully redeemed solely by His love.

Thanks to Lyndsey, I got the Koenji train station ringtone, and it makes me so happy :)

I was listening to God of the City while journaling all of these thoughts, then I fell asleep and woke up to her calling me with the Koenji ringtone! It made me really happy :)

(Photo Caption: Lyndsey and I modeling our new makeovers during the women's outreach)



P.P.S. Now that Josh and Britt's engagement is facebook official I can now post pictures and say how excited I am that they're engaged! So excited! I cried when I watched it happen! This was definitely the best moment of the whole summer! It was beautiful! I'm so happy for them! Yay! Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Morey to be! :) My Epic Parents are going to be legit now! Yay!


Oh yeah, Here some other pictures that I got from other people that correspond to some of my past posts:

The Toyo Team with the Japanese-Hawaiian Christian teacher, Kent.

Some of my team with Satoshi's group of friends (all in Kent's English class). Satoshi was the one who talked to Kent to let us talk to his class. From left back to right front: (Lilico, Toyo student; Jessica, teammate; Wilson, teammate; Kazwake, Toyo student; Acchan, Toyo student; Nonchan, Toyo student; Yoshko, Toyo student; Jon, teammate; Satoshi, Toyo student)I will never forget what Satoshi said to me at the train station as we were leaving. He said, "Many Japanese have many prejudices against Christianity and religion, but your team has helped break down those prejudices for me. I know that your team was God's gift to me. Thank you for showing me God's love. I will read and study the Bible even when you leave." He hasn't accepted Christ yet, but I know that God is working in his life. He facebook messaged me yesterday and told me how he was reading 1 Thessalonians and really liked the words, "Rejoice always." It made me really happy. Please pray that God would reveal Himself to Satoshi and that through studying God's Word, that He would truly understand the Gospel.

At Home.

It's strange. I'm home. I miss Japan. I miss my team. Hopefully, I'll see some of them tomorrow at Disneyland. :)