Whoo!

I got into Biola for grad school! yay! so excited! God is so good!

A Few More Weeks...

I took my last midterm of my undergraduate career today. I only have a few more weeks at UCLA, 5 to be exact, which is really quite strange. This place has been my home for these past 3 years. I've loved it from the beginning, and love it even more now. I was looking through my pictures over my college years, and it's really been such a sweet time. As I reflect on my time here, I realize just how faithful God has been to me through the years and how He's grown me and changed me in many unexpected ways. It's interesting that the more I learn about God, the more I realize I don't know anything, and the more I think I've got something figured out, the more I realize I don't have anything figured out. And the more I see the gravity of the sin in my life, the more amazing and sweet God's grace becomes. I guess that's why I love this paradox.

At Epic, we went through Philippians 3:1-11, and so, I've been thinking about Philippians 3:8-9 for the past few days,

"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith."

Do I really count everything as loss compared to knowing Christ? Have I really suffered the loss of all things? So many times, I take pride in my own strength and intelligence - in my own merits and accomplishments instead of attributing praise to Christ and seeing Him as greater than everything, my number one Treasure. I want to gain Christ and know what it means to gain Christ. Through His cross and through His righteousness, He has allowed me to be God's child. So that God sees Christ's blood that covers me, instead of my sin. How marvelous and amazing is that! He no longer sees my sin and my wretchedness, but lovingly looks at me with endearing eyes of grace as a Father looks lovingly at his child. I am completely free from condemnation through Christ, and I don't need to attempt to attain His righteousness, because He has already given it to me. So many times, I forget this, and fall in a legalistic attitude, that if I did more, God would love me more, but how utterly gross this attitude is. God has already cleansed me and freed me from guilt and shame, and I can walk in the confidence and joy that God has saved me.

On another note, I'm so excited about Japan! Whoo! Tokyo here I come! We got our Epic: Tokyo Project notebooks and I'm super stoked! Whoo!

Ironman.

My brother told me today that I am Ironman. dadadanananana....

waiting.

i sent in my application to grad school...

now the waiting begins.

by the way, the ucla campus is beautiful, especially at night. i'm going to miss it greatly.

generations of blessings.

i'm realizing more and more what a blessing it is to be in a family-oriented, multi-generational church, and how many college students don't get to be a part of this kind of environment.

honestly, i'm sometimes discouraged because i'm one of the few college-age people at my church, and i sometimes wish there were more people my age. but as i think about it more, it's been amazing to experience the community of believers of all ages - to gain bits of wisdom from those who are older, and to experience the joy of children.

i'm also really grateful for the sweet community God has blessed me with at UCLA. i shouldn't believe the lies that i'm a lone ranger, because i know i'm not, and God has shown me His love and grace over and over again through amazing people.

Spontaneous Poetry

I haven't written poetry in awhile - I think since freshman year. Maybe I should start again. I think reading T.S. Eliot and William Faulkner inspired me...plus the Acting on Aids event made me think...and I've been thinking about Philippines again...

Here it goes:

It bothers me to see the streets
filled with children who have no food to eat
And their bones protrude from their skin:
The outline of a skeleton.
"Ma'am, ma'am"
with opened hand,
requesting just a dime.
I don't have time.
In their eyes a fire burns
To survive
To try
To see
the next day alive.
I watch it from this balcony
Where I can't touch them
Or feed them
Or clothe them
Or hug them.
A gap -
It grows and I don't know how to stop it.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know
what to do.

Grown-up.

So after the events of this week, I feel like I've outgrown many things such as:

- spending a day at the mall
- listening to screamo/hardcore music and going to screamo/hardcore shows
- loitering around the burbank area

These activities are just not as exciting as they used to be (like in high school, or even freshman year of college) and I'm really exhausted from the freedom of hanging out and driving all around L.A.

spring break is exhausting. i need another week to hibernate.

i think i find more enjoyment in intimate dinner parties and good conversations.

i am old. it's official. i'm 21 - all grown-up.