Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

(Picture from http://theblissfulpixel.com/blog2/page/2/)

A wedding.

A dance party.

A bridal shower.

A graduation.

Times of celebration. These are the moments when I realize that despite all the hardships and pain in life, there are also such great times of joy and laughter. I love being able to celebrate the good moments in life and I am thankful for these times of fun :)

I love being able to dance without inhibition in a place I am comfortable with around good friends.

So fun!

I also celebrate the past year - seeing the areas of growth in my life, seeing how I'm so far from where I was a year ago, when I was struggling so much...Taking one step at a time towards growth wasn't always fun, and many times it was hard and painful, but now I look back, and see so many benefits...

I am so thankful for the Lord's grace through it all. He is truly so good to me.

And I will celebrate His love.

Remembering...

It's 12:20 am and I want to sleep, but my mind keeps on thinking about this past year and all the things that have happened...

It was a year ago that the foundations I had been building of my own good works and my own merits fell crashing down - all built on the sand of my own efforts. Even though I knew all the right answers about God's love and grace in my head, I saw the huge disconnect between the knowledge I knew intellectually and my actual experience. Through the pain of facing my own fear, anger, anxiety, doubt, shame, and guilt, I saw how messed up I really was.

And I was left broken, unable to fix myself, doubting who I was, doubting God and His goodness.

And being in that broken place grieved me because I hated seeing the reality of who I was.

And yet, it was in this broken place, in this place where I realized I could not fix myself, that God met me in great and profound ways.

It was here that He showed me His love was unconditional...that I did not have to do anything to earn His love, that I couldn't even be capable of doing anything to receive His love because I was so broken and messed up.

It was here that He held me, when no one else could. Through my tears and all the emotions, He held me.

In His gentleness, He never judged me or condemned me, but in His love, drew me to Him - to His loving arms.

And I'm still in the process of healing, and He continues to meet me where I'm at...and for this, I'm thankful.

So yes, I would go through this past year again, even through the pain of it all, because it was in this pain that God's love was made real to me.

And now, I know that God is good, not just intellectually, but in a deeper, experiential way.

God is good and His lovingkindness endures forever.

Caring For Your Introvert

Yen posted this article on my facebook wall...

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

so witty and well-written and true!

it feels nice that other people are similar to me i can resonate with their experience.

Another Example of Courage.

"Joseph of Arimathea came, a prominent member of the Council, who himself was waiting for the kingdom of God; and he gathered up courage and went in before Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus."

~Mark 15:43

As I think about the emotions of the people in the Easter story, including this dude, Joseph of Arimathea, who's often looked over, I am struck by how he "gathered up courage" to ask Pilate for the body of Jesus.

He was a member of the Council- the Sanhedrin - he was part of the Jewish leaders who did not believe in the resurrection of the dead, and who were the ones who put Jesus to death. So, for him to 1) believe in the Resurrection himself and 2) come and want to give Jesus a proper burial, took so much courage.

He turned his back on what he was supposed to believe to honor a man who just died a criminal's death and who claimed to be the Son of God. The other members of the Sanhedrin had mocked Jesus to His face, so for Joseph of Arimathea to want to stand up for Jesus, must have been a huge step of courage.

He must have been ostracized from his community, especially in an honor/shame culture - to want to honor the man with a proper burial which his Council had put to death.

While even Jesus' disciples had fled from the authorities, and did not defend Jesus, this man - Joseph of Arimathea, stood up for Jesus' honor, even when Jesus was dead. Of course, no one knew what was coming - the Resurrection - but thinking about this one snapshot, this one glimpse into the story - Joseph of Arimathea demonstrated a great amount of courage.

And so the question I ask myself is:

"Would I stand up for Jesus, follow Him, and His honor, even if no one else believed me, even if I get ostracized from my community?"

Dying to Live.

While reading the narrative of the Lord's last week before His death and resurrection, I came across this verse.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."

John 12:24

And the song "Baptize My Mind" by Jon Foreman comes to mind.

Reaching always reaching
Never reaching solid ground
Seeking always seeking
Never seeking what I've found

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First it must die

Both my hands are filled with guilt
(Be my absolution)
Oh with my eyes are blind with filth
(Be my absolution, absolution)

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

I'm learning what it means to die to self...

I guess I'm learning what my self is first, because I need to know what self is before I can die to it...

And our Lord's words of courage comfort me:

"Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father save Me from this hour?' But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name." Then a loud voice came from heaven: "I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again."

(John 12:27-28).

Even though Christ knew that He was going to suffer such great pain on our behalf, and was troubled in His soul, He still went through with it. I'm comforted that He was troubled in soul - that He was fully human and had the feelings of fear that we do, but even in feeling "troubled," he still continued on - and He didn't ask the Father to save Him from the pain, but asked the Father to be glorified in it.

As I think about my own fears in continuing down this journey of facing pain, I am thankful that Christ understands me and is with me in it, and the question that I ask myself is:

"Will I ask the Lord to save me from this pain or will I ask Him to be glorified in it?"

A Night on the Red Carpet.

Talbot Spring Banquet was so much fun last night!

I honestly wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did, because of the busyness of all the preparations- but it was a really great night full of celebration. It was so much fun seeing everyone dressed up in their nice attire, all dolled up and being able to celebrate what God has done this past year at Talbot. The decor, performances, and awards made it a night to remember. I am so thankful for all who volunteered and contributed to making this night spectacular.

Again, I remember why I love our A.S. team so much. I'm astounded and thankful by the gifts each one has, and how they all contribute to making the night such a special evening.

• Juan: the head mastermind and taskmaster: a visionary eye + understanding logistical details = amazing event planner. Harry Potter would totally be jealous of those awesome search lights.
• Josh C. and Feiser: emcees/actors/comedians - their wit and humor with improv abilities -writing and acting out the Talbot Family Sculpture - brought much laughter and a cohesion to the whole night.
• Josh M.: performer/visionary for the dance - a great opening act with Gail Neal of "Be Our Guest" brought a grand opening of huge momentum that started the evening which kept on going. The dance was also a beautiful picture of the freedom we have in the Holy Spirit.
• Angela : decorating artist - her eye for aesthetics shone through with the magnificence of Sycamore Lawn. breathtaking.
• Mel and Jamie: the flower girls - arranging all the floral centerpieces was hard work and they turned out so beautiful and elegant.
• Toby: the T-man - building giant T's and mounting them shows the manliness and servanthood of this dude. We were also blessed by the worship set of two songs- left us wanting for more time to praise our Lord in community.
• And I realized that even though it was stressful, I actually enjoyed doing the place cards and organizing tables and taking care of these kinds of behind-the-scene logistics. Or maybe I just enjoyed the company that I had in the office, working with A.S. peeps. Tedious admin work is so much better when you're doing it with people.

This team gives me a picture of what it looks like to be a part of God's family, each one using and operating out of their gifts, and working together to accomplish a mission. They have cared for me and encouraged me in so many ways this past year, and I am so blessed by each one of them. They remind me of how God's worked in my life in great ways this year and encourage me in the ways I've grown. Even just remembering the first large event this past year at Much Ado About Autumn, where I was so stressed out and wanted to retreat, last night was so different from that time. Last night was a night which I thoroughly enjoyed - even cleaning up afterwards and just sitting in the office with the team for a little time to reflect and relax before we headed home. I'm thankful that my team didn't leave me in that broken place where I was at the beginning of this year, and how they've held me and supported me, until now - where I feel more stability. They have been such a gift to me. I am thankful.

This night gives me another evidence that we weren't made to be lone-rangers and that we were meant to live in community.

"We are family."

Forever Reign

Pictures from Talbot's Night of Prayer, courtesy of Wade Chan....(Feiser gets holy points for this picture...haha)

New fav. song after singing it at Talbot's Night of Prayer, Worship, and Intercession last March 11.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc

Forever Reign by Hillsong

You are good, You are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love, You are love

On display for all to see

You are light, You are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true

Ever in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life

In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign.

You are more, You are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign.

My heart will sing, no other name

Jesus, Jesus

My heart will sing, no other name

Jesus, Jesus