Twenty-Four.

The Switchfoot song, "Twenty-Four" comes to mind as I celebrate twenty-four years of life today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6rHbv7H5AA&playnext=1&list=PL32612EBB6EB29D3B

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising these...

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh
I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me
Yeah

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
I'm not copping out
Not copping out

The Solid Rock by Edward Mote

I love hymns, and the stories behind hymns...came across the story behind "The Solid Rock."

I like the images that this song depicts of Christ as the solid Rock and as the Anchor.

(This is a picture of Agios Stefanos: a famous monastery on top of the grey rocks of Meteora, Greece)

http://articles.ochristian.com/article6027.shtml

1. My hope is built on nothing less
   Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
   I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
   But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
   • Refrain:
     On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
     All other ground is sinking sand,
     All other ground is sinking sand.
2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
   I rest on His unchanging grace;
   In every high and stormy gale,
   My anchor holds within the veil.
3. His oath, His covenant, His blood
   Support me in the whelming flood;
   When all around my soul gives way,
   He then is all my hope and stay.
4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
   Oh, may I then in Him be found;
   Dressed in His righteousness alone,
   Faultless to stand before the throne.

I am struck by the original lyrics of this song and of the two stanzas that are usually omitted:

" The "Solid Rock" text was written in 1834, and Mote titled it, "The Gracious Experience of a Christian." The completed hymn text originally consisted of six stanzas. Expressions from portions of these two omitted verses are interesting to observe:

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness;

'Midst all the hell I feel within, on His completed work I lean.

I trust His righteous character, His council, promise, and His power;

His honor and His name's at stake, to save me from the burning lake."

After Watching 127 Hours.

I just came home from watching 127 Hours at the dollar theater with my roommate, Maling. I really liked it amidst the gruesome parts- not just for the picturesque landscapes, amazing cinematography and soundtrack, and my fellow Bruin Class of 2008 grad, James Franco, but also for the story of human resiliency. It's quite amazing to see what determination, endurance, and strength Aron Ralston displays in order to survive being stuck in a canyon for 127 hours. Gives so much hope.

I think I've become more fascinated with movies without very much dialogue such as 127 hours, Wall-E, or Cast Away, and how these movies can captivate the audience's attention and emotions even without many words. It's ironic that I want to be a writer, and yet I'm learning more about the value of wordlessness. Images and music have been so powerful for me recently, especially in my prayer times with the Lord. There are times when I'm so tired, I don't really have words, or there are just no words that can express the things in my heart. Sometimes songs or pictures come to mind which have been helpful in expression. I guess that's why there's the cliche saying that "A Picture is worth a 1000 words." and as Victor Hugo said,“Music expresses that which can not be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.”

I'm looking forward to seeing Explosions in the Sky in concert with my brother because they are an amazing instrumental band.

The Story Behind "How He Loves Us"

The story behind this song just makes me love this song even more:

http://vimeo.com/10868953

I am starting to really like John Mark McMillan's album the The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down. Too bad they don't sell this album anymore :(

I want to see this guy play live...

On that note, I saw Charlie Hall play at Biola last Sunday. Good study break from reading for Historical Theology with Wade and Andrew :)

And he played "Marvelous Light." It was great.

Being One of Many.

My friend, Yen, sent this article to me today:

Asian American Teenage Girls Have Highest Rates of Depression; NAMI Releases Report

When I read this article, it made me sad, but I wasn't surprised. I think I've heard these statistics before, and unfortunately, it makes sense to me. Asian-American teenage girls have great pressures to succeed and to hide the reality of their struggles from others, and when we hide, we can't get help, so the struggle worsens. Living in a bi-cultural reality, it's hard to navigate between two, sometimes seemingly, diametrically-opposed cultures. Putting on faces of looking put together on the outside, it's easy to hide the reality of the deadness that is felt inside. It makes alot of sense to me why this statistic is so high - probably because I am one of them.

I am one of these Asian-American girls who has excelled in school and in many other areas of life, who knows how to please people, and knows how to put on an exterior of looking put together on the outside.

I've struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide, and no one would've ever guessed it.

It's easy to hide under my smiling face.

The Lord is good to me, in providing a good community around me to love on me, and to be real with. I am thankful for my sisters and brothers who I can share my struggle with and know that I am loved, and know that I am held. I am thankful that there are people around me who will fight this battle with me - that I am not alone. And as they remind me of who I am in Christ - that I can find freedom in Him, I feel the bondage being broken. I know there is power in Christ's victory, because I have experienced victory over these thoughts by His grace. I am so grateful for my friends who have walked with me through the struggle and pain, who have prayed for me, who have held me. And I believe that a large reason why I am growing in this freedom in Christ is because of this safe community who loves me through it.

So why do I share this on a public forum? Because I'm realizing that God has shown me His love, grace, and freedom in so many ways, and that I want to help others along this journey towards freedom. I want others who struggle with this know that they are not alone in it, that I am one who struggles with you. I want others to see that there is freedom and hope in Christ, especially in times when it feels so hopeless. There is always hope.

Gazing on Beauty.

"Gazing on Beauty" was the theme of our women's retreat this past weekend. It truly was an amazing weekend full of beauty and loveliness. From the beautiful location of Hilltop with the snow, delicious food, good conversations as we listened to each other's stories, and sweet fellowship with the sisters - praising God and seeing His goodness in nature and in each other, and praying for one another, playing in the snow; and spending sweet, quiet moments with the Lord - it was so refreshing. I love my sisters at Talbot. They are amazing, godly women who help me see how great God is, the depth of Jesus' love for me, and are so sensitive to His Spirit - reminding me of the truth of who I am as a daughter of the King, a child of my Abba, carrying me through hard times.

I read Out of Solitude by Henry Nouwen while I was there. I really love that guy. Here is a quote that I really liked from that book:

"To wait patiently, therefore, means to allow our weeping and wailing to become the purifying preparation by which we are made ready to receive the joy which is promised to us."

The waiting is hard - but without the pain of the waiting, we couldn't experience the depth of joy that awaits us. So all the pain is worth it, because even in the pain, the Lord meets me there with His comfort and love, and I find so much joy as I know that He is holding me and giving me hope.

I got accepted into the Institute of Spiritual Formation at Talbot this semester. Although I am excited about the journey that awaits me, I also am nervous of the intensity of this program. I also sometimes wonder what I'm doing pursuing another master's degree - because I know this will be more time, money, and energy. This weekend was God's grace to me in showing me that I am in the right place, on the right track, and that the work of His Spirit in my life and others' lives is exciting - and I will get to see the great way His Spirit works in me and in other people's lives through this program. I know that He will provide for me.

The Comfort of a Clean Room.

I finally cleaned my room today. After coming home from the Philippines, my room has been a mess of luggage and pasalubong everywhere. I am thankful to be home. Traveling around the Philippines has made me realize how much of a homebody I am and how I love just being inside the comfort of my apartment. It's been busy since coming back with the start of school - with classes and A.S. events, and now a part-time job with Graduate Admissions at Biola. I really do live at Biola - spending all the time I do on campus. But I really do love it there. It's a great place and I always feel a sense of peace when I walk around campus and look at the tree blossoms which are blooming, ushering in a sense that spring is near...I took the above picture with my camera phone near the Talbot building because I saw it and thought

it was pretty...haha

And I love the people at Biola - the whole community of students, faculty, and staff are amazing - so many godly people. They give me hope :)

Here is a picture from my Romans class last semester with me and Dr. Russell (courtesy of Michael Park)...I think that has been my favorite class so far...(probably because I felt so much joy that I wanted to dance while writing my Romans 8 paper)

Because I'm on campus all the time, when I do get to go home to my apartment, it is such a great comfort. I love being home. And I love my roommates :)

There is something comforting about a clean and organized room to me- where things are in their place, and there is a sense of order instead of chaos. Perhaps, even through cleaning, in creating a sense of order, we are imitating an attribute of God as He is a God of order. He is stable and unchanging, bringing a sense of calm, peace, and security. He made the world and created order out of nothing. He brings order and peace to my often wavering and chaotic heart.

I am thankful for the peace He gives, and even in the busyness, I know that He gives me His shalom.