The Story Behind "How He Loves Us"

The story behind this song just makes me love this song even more:

http://vimeo.com/10868953

I am starting to really like John Mark McMillan's album the The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down. Too bad they don't sell this album anymore :(

I want to see this guy play live...

On that note, I saw Charlie Hall play at Biola last Sunday. Good study break from reading for Historical Theology with Wade and Andrew :)

And he played "Marvelous Light." It was great.

Being One of Many.

My friend, Yen, sent this article to me today:

Asian American Teenage Girls Have Highest Rates of Depression; NAMI Releases Report

When I read this article, it made me sad, but I wasn't surprised. I think I've heard these statistics before, and unfortunately, it makes sense to me. Asian-American teenage girls have great pressures to succeed and to hide the reality of their struggles from others, and when we hide, we can't get help, so the struggle worsens. Living in a bi-cultural reality, it's hard to navigate between two, sometimes seemingly, diametrically-opposed cultures. Putting on faces of looking put together on the outside, it's easy to hide the reality of the deadness that is felt inside. It makes alot of sense to me why this statistic is so high - probably because I am one of them.

I am one of these Asian-American girls who has excelled in school and in many other areas of life, who knows how to please people, and knows how to put on an exterior of looking put together on the outside.

I've struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide, and no one would've ever guessed it.

It's easy to hide under my smiling face.

The Lord is good to me, in providing a good community around me to love on me, and to be real with. I am thankful for my sisters and brothers who I can share my struggle with and know that I am loved, and know that I am held. I am thankful that there are people around me who will fight this battle with me - that I am not alone. And as they remind me of who I am in Christ - that I can find freedom in Him, I feel the bondage being broken. I know there is power in Christ's victory, because I have experienced victory over these thoughts by His grace. I am so grateful for my friends who have walked with me through the struggle and pain, who have prayed for me, who have held me. And I believe that a large reason why I am growing in this freedom in Christ is because of this safe community who loves me through it.

So why do I share this on a public forum? Because I'm realizing that God has shown me His love, grace, and freedom in so many ways, and that I want to help others along this journey towards freedom. I want others who struggle with this know that they are not alone in it, that I am one who struggles with you. I want others to see that there is freedom and hope in Christ, especially in times when it feels so hopeless. There is always hope.

Gazing on Beauty.

"Gazing on Beauty" was the theme of our women's retreat this past weekend. It truly was an amazing weekend full of beauty and loveliness. From the beautiful location of Hilltop with the snow, delicious food, good conversations as we listened to each other's stories, and sweet fellowship with the sisters - praising God and seeing His goodness in nature and in each other, and praying for one another, playing in the snow; and spending sweet, quiet moments with the Lord - it was so refreshing. I love my sisters at Talbot. They are amazing, godly women who help me see how great God is, the depth of Jesus' love for me, and are so sensitive to His Spirit - reminding me of the truth of who I am as a daughter of the King, a child of my Abba, carrying me through hard times.

I read Out of Solitude by Henry Nouwen while I was there. I really love that guy. Here is a quote that I really liked from that book:

"To wait patiently, therefore, means to allow our weeping and wailing to become the purifying preparation by which we are made ready to receive the joy which is promised to us."

The waiting is hard - but without the pain of the waiting, we couldn't experience the depth of joy that awaits us. So all the pain is worth it, because even in the pain, the Lord meets me there with His comfort and love, and I find so much joy as I know that He is holding me and giving me hope.

I got accepted into the Institute of Spiritual Formation at Talbot this semester. Although I am excited about the journey that awaits me, I also am nervous of the intensity of this program. I also sometimes wonder what I'm doing pursuing another master's degree - because I know this will be more time, money, and energy. This weekend was God's grace to me in showing me that I am in the right place, on the right track, and that the work of His Spirit in my life and others' lives is exciting - and I will get to see the great way His Spirit works in me and in other people's lives through this program. I know that He will provide for me.

The Comfort of a Clean Room.

I finally cleaned my room today. After coming home from the Philippines, my room has been a mess of luggage and pasalubong everywhere. I am thankful to be home. Traveling around the Philippines has made me realize how much of a homebody I am and how I love just being inside the comfort of my apartment. It's been busy since coming back with the start of school - with classes and A.S. events, and now a part-time job with Graduate Admissions at Biola. I really do live at Biola - spending all the time I do on campus. But I really do love it there. It's a great place and I always feel a sense of peace when I walk around campus and look at the tree blossoms which are blooming, ushering in a sense that spring is near...I took the above picture with my camera phone near the Talbot building because I saw it and thought

it was pretty...haha

And I love the people at Biola - the whole community of students, faculty, and staff are amazing - so many godly people. They give me hope :)

Here is a picture from my Romans class last semester with me and Dr. Russell (courtesy of Michael Park)...I think that has been my favorite class so far...(probably because I felt so much joy that I wanted to dance while writing my Romans 8 paper)

Because I'm on campus all the time, when I do get to go home to my apartment, it is such a great comfort. I love being home. And I love my roommates :)

There is something comforting about a clean and organized room to me- where things are in their place, and there is a sense of order instead of chaos. Perhaps, even through cleaning, in creating a sense of order, we are imitating an attribute of God as He is a God of order. He is stable and unchanging, bringing a sense of calm, peace, and security. He made the world and created order out of nothing. He brings order and peace to my often wavering and chaotic heart.

I am thankful for the peace He gives, and even in the busyness, I know that He gives me His shalom.

In the Motherland Again.

It's always nice going to the Philippines - spending time with my family, eating the delicious food, seeing the different sites, experiencing the slow, relaxed pace of provincial life, watching the farm animals in our backyard, enjoying the papayas and bananas from our trees in the backyard, looking at the beautiful ceiling of our "Filipino White House," watching the children play in the middle of the street, riding jipneys and tricycles, pondering under a coconut tree, singing and dancing, seeing the rainforest and jungles and mountains and rice plantations, and bahay kubos, eating with my hands, shopping at the megamalls for clothes and shoes that actually fit me, experiencing the richness and depth and variety of culture here...

it's masaya.

a nice bakasyon. a good break from studying.

but there's no place like home...and i think the more time i spend here, the more i realize that the U.S. is my home.

On Discipline.

(Photo courtesy of Wade Chan)

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

Often times, I don't always see the good that is in the world or in people or even in myself. I'm so focused on the broken parts, that it's hard to see the good parts. Yet, as I enter into this new era of grace in my life - learning how to be more patient with myself and others of being in process, I'm learning to see the blessings that God has given me - the good parts of myself and others. I am thankful for the ways that my parents raised me to be hard-working and disciplined growing up as a child. I studied hard and learned how to manage my time at a young age - and developed a love for reading and learning. My parents instilled in me a value for education and the value of pursuing higher education - and for this I am thankful. I think that's why I'm the nerd that I am and why I love studying, learning, and reading. (It's honestly ironic that I write this post in the middle of finals week, where I am losing motivation to really do anything, but I guess this is why I need to write it.) Since I played piano and violin, and was highly involved in church - I had to learn to not waste time and value every second of it in high school. I think this is the reason why I might not struggle as much in school as others around me, even in graduate school - and for this I am thankful and know that it is an evidence of God's grace in my life. I know He is the One who empowers me to study, and has given me this passion for learning and for education.

After studying the Pastoral Epistles this past semester and seeing how much Paul encourages Timothy to be disciplined - like a soldier, an athlete, or a hard-working farmer (2 Timothy 2) - to be disciplined towards godliness, I am reaping the fruits of the habits of discipline that I have developed even at a young age. Even at a young age, I know that God was working in my life to help me pursue this virtue of discipline. Even if I didn't know it, the Holy Spirit was there, helping me as a young high school student who wanted to pursue excellence. I did have a genuine desire to pursue excellence for God and to make the most out of the opportunity that my parents had given me - being a second generation Filipino-American - and perhaps, this is what motivates me to continue studying, even during finals - when I feel tired and weary, and the 18 years of studying without taking a break is finally catching up to me. In these times, I remember God's grace to me in the past, the privilege He has given me to even be able to study something I love - Him and His Word, and the hope to the future of going deeper in the depths of the knowledge of God and helping others see and savor Him more and more by eventually teaching at the university or seminary level...

So I press on...

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

The other day, I went to my classmates' church, and it was truly a joy seeing the guys who I study with actively ministering to others in their churches. It's just so strange and interesting to see these guys who are just normal dudes in my classes as pastors and teachers, and leaders of churches. It truly is a privilege to be studying with them, and seeing how God is using them for His Kingdom work and His glory. Now as I look around and see my classmates, I see not only them, but also the group of people they minister to - and as each one is being equipped during this time in seminary - they are also representing a group who they will be equipping, and then those others who that group will be equipping...this is really exciting to me...

I believe God is going to do powerful things in this generation and the next generation...

I can feel it coming...

My friend Eui is going to IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City because she really has a passion to pray for the churches, especially in this area. As I've been visiting different churches with her, I feel led to do the same - to really pray for the my fellow classmates' ministries and churches because I know God is going to great things in this generation...I am so excited!

Whoooooooooo!

So if you would like prayer for you or your ministry, let me know, I'd love to pray for you :)

Please pray for me too. I need prayers to get through this week (since my own motivation is dying...I know I need some supernatural motivation) :)

A New Era of Grace.

(Photo courtesy of Eufemio Magsombol, Jr.)

I feel like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

It is freeing :)

Spreading my wings...and flying high...

I think I have entered into a new era of GRACE.

That phrase can be taken in so many ways...

Yay for freedom in Christ!

Thank you for your prayers :)