I am a melancholic. I must have a preponderance of black bile as thought by medieval psychologists.
So i read a very encouraging chapter in Future Grace by John Piper about fighting Despondency. Here is an excerpt:
How Jesus Fought in the Dark Hour
There were several tactics in strategic battle against despondency. First, he chose some close friends to be with him. "He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee" (Matthew 26:37). Second, he opened his soul to them. He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death" (v.38). Third, he asked for their intercession and partnership in the battle. "Remain here and keep watch with Me" (v.39) Fourth, he poured out his heart to his Father in prayer. "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me." (v.39). Fifth, he rested his soul in the sovereign wisdom of God. "Yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt" (v.39). Sixth, he fixed his eye on the glorious future grace that awaited him on the other side of the cross. "For the joy set before Him [He] endured the cross, despising the shame, and had sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2)
When something drops into your life that seems to threaten your future, remember this, the first shockwaves of the bomb are not sin. The real danger is yielding to them. Giving in. Putting up no spiritual fight. And the root of that surrender is unbelief - a failure to fight for faith in future grace. A failure to cherish all that God promiises to be for us in Jesus.
Jesus shows us another way. Not painless, and not passive. Follow him. Find your trusted spiritual friends. Open your soul to them. Ask them to watch with you and pray. Pour out your soul to the Father. Rest in the sovereign wisdom of God. And fix your eyes on the joy set before you in the precious and magnificent promises of God.
mmm...and the insight of John Piper again points me to treasuring my Savior.
Please pray for me as I fight despondency. Thanks.
I also read Psalm 62:1-2; 5-7 which was very encouarging...o how the law of the Lord revives the soul!
"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.
My soul, wait expectantly for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God."
Next to Chaucer, if I could meet a literary figure from the past, I think I would like to meet Milton. He's epic. Gotta love that Paradise Lost.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Amish, personality tests, procrastination, and hair-pulling.
So yesterday I decided that one of my lifelong goals is to live among the Amish for a period of time. My brother told me I should start an Amish exchange program, like for those Amish who want to go out into the world for a year, that I should switch places with them for a year.
Instead of studying for my Shakespeare midterm, I decided to research about the Amish community.
So this was the ADD filled conversation I had with my roommate Nancy. I guess this is what happens when we're procrastinating for midterms:
Me: I want to live with the Amish for a year.
Nancy: The Amish make me think of the guy on the Quaker oats box.
Me: The Quakers and the Amish aren't the same.
Nancy: I know, but it just makes me think of it.
Silence.
Nancy: I'm looking for the Myers-Briggs personality test online.
Me: I'm an INTJ.
Nancy: Oh, we're like opposites. I'm an ISFJ.
Silence.
Me: They don't evangelize.
Nancy: Who?
Me: The Amish.
Nancy: Oh.
Silence.
Nancy: Now I'm an INFJ. You know, someone pulled my friend's hair.
Me: What?
Nancy: Yeah, someone pulled my friends hair. Some girl who was jealous of her pulled her hair.
Me: That's weird.
Silence.
Me: They say it's hard to become Amish, but it can be done.
Nancy: Oh. You're really serious about this aren't you?
Me: Yeah, I'm looking at apartments nearby.
So I felt that conversation had no continuity. It's like little kids thinking out loud, not really talking to each other.
Instead of studying for my Shakespeare midterm, I decided to research about the Amish community.
So this was the ADD filled conversation I had with my roommate Nancy. I guess this is what happens when we're procrastinating for midterms:
Me: I want to live with the Amish for a year.
Nancy: The Amish make me think of the guy on the Quaker oats box.
Me: The Quakers and the Amish aren't the same.
Nancy: I know, but it just makes me think of it.
Silence.
Nancy: I'm looking for the Myers-Briggs personality test online.
Me: I'm an INTJ.
Nancy: Oh, we're like opposites. I'm an ISFJ.
Silence.
Me: They don't evangelize.
Nancy: Who?
Me: The Amish.
Nancy: Oh.
Silence.
Nancy: Now I'm an INFJ. You know, someone pulled my friend's hair.
Me: What?
Nancy: Yeah, someone pulled my friends hair. Some girl who was jealous of her pulled her hair.
Me: That's weird.
Silence.
Me: They say it's hard to become Amish, but it can be done.
Nancy: Oh. You're really serious about this aren't you?
Me: Yeah, I'm looking at apartments nearby.
So I felt that conversation had no continuity. It's like little kids thinking out loud, not really talking to each other.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
No More Night.
Real Life was amazing tonight! God is so Awesome and Good! I could try to explain how excited/overjoyed/overwhelmed/broken/amazed I am by God's grace and His transforming power and how He opens sinners hearts to Him in amazing ways - through His Word, dreams, and people proclaiming His Gospel and demonstrating His love; how He takes the blinders away, even of the hardest of hearts, even of hearts who hated Him and who hated His people, but alas, I'll just give you the lyrics of the song the Holy Spirit put on Darrell's heart to sing today:
No More Night
A timeless theme, earth and heaven will pass away,It’s not a dream,
God will make all things new that day.
Gone is the curse, from which I stumbled and fell,
Evil is banished to eternal hell.
Chorus:
No more night, no more pain,
No more tears, never crying again;
Praises to the great "I Am"
We will walk in the light of the risen Lamb.
See all around, now the nations bow down to sing;
The only sounds are the praises to Christ, our King;
Slowly, the names from the book are read;I know the King,
there is no need to dread.
Bridge:Look! Over there, it’s a mansion prepared for me,
Where I can live with my Savior, eternally!
We will walk in the light of the risen Lamb.
"And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever...And the Spirit and the bridge say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely...He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming quickly." Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"
Revelation 22: 3-5,17,20
Praise God for another brother added to the family! Let's have a party. Like the angels.
i love feeling excitement and joy again, especially after feeling dry for awhile. Praise God for His grace!
May we constantly live in faith of future grace.
Let's continue to pray for those affected by the fires.
No More Night
A timeless theme, earth and heaven will pass away,It’s not a dream,
God will make all things new that day.
Gone is the curse, from which I stumbled and fell,
Evil is banished to eternal hell.
Chorus:
No more night, no more pain,
No more tears, never crying again;
Praises to the great "I Am"
We will walk in the light of the risen Lamb.
See all around, now the nations bow down to sing;
The only sounds are the praises to Christ, our King;
Slowly, the names from the book are read;I know the King,
there is no need to dread.
Bridge:Look! Over there, it’s a mansion prepared for me,
Where I can live with my Savior, eternally!
We will walk in the light of the risen Lamb.
"And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever...And the Spirit and the bridge say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely...He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming quickly." Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"
Revelation 22: 3-5,17,20
Praise God for another brother added to the family! Let's have a party. Like the angels.
i love feeling excitement and joy again, especially after feeling dry for awhile. Praise God for His grace!
May we constantly live in faith of future grace.
Let's continue to pray for those affected by the fires.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Writing Creatively for the Glory of God.
So I'm realizing that I need to bathe my creative writing in prayer. I have a tendency to write in a melancholic humour when I write creatively, and it's so easy to fall into self-pity and depression when I allow my thoughts to wander into myself which are highly prideful, instead of preaching the Word of God to myself. So I ask for prayer from whoever reads this as I write for my creative writing class - that it would be glorifying to God, and not self-focused.
"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. "
~Colossians 3:17
"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. "
~Colossians 3:17
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Encouragement
I read this today from Desiring God ministries and was greatly encouraged:
How do you keep from getting discouraged by Christians who aren't passionate for God and his word?
By John Piper September 19, 2007
The following is an edited transcription of the audio.
How do you keep from getting discouraged when it is apparent that so many people, even in your own church, just aren't passionate for God and his word?I keep from getting discouraged mainly by not focusing on my people but by focusing on the Lord. Then he gives me the heart for the people. If I were to focus on the world and its condition, or the church and its condition--or even my own soul and its condition--I think I would be overcome by discouragement. But that's not where encouragement comes from. We are to draw encouragement mainly from Christ, and from his work on the cross, and from his resurrection power, and from his intercession for at the Father's right hand, and from his promises to work all things together for good, to one day come and wrap up this history and make this creation his own fully, to cast out all ungodliness, and to establish righteousness and peace.So it is contemplaing Christ, the history of redemption, the work of the cross, and the promises of God that establish the heart. That is the most fundamental way I fight discouragement.And the second thing is that there are evidences of grace in the church, even in the weakest saint. And we should give thanks for the smallest evidences that the Holy Spirit has begun a work in our lives. And really, for all of us, that's all he has done: "He who began a good work in you will complete it unto the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:6). He has just begun.So I would say to look first to Christ--that's my hope. And then look for the evidences of his grace, even in the weakest saint. And you can find them. And you can celebrate them, and then bring those people along further.
And some verses that I've been meditating on lately and just wrote a song about yesterday,
"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Psalm 73:23-26,28
How do you keep from getting discouraged by Christians who aren't passionate for God and his word?
By John Piper September 19, 2007
The following is an edited transcription of the audio.
How do you keep from getting discouraged when it is apparent that so many people, even in your own church, just aren't passionate for God and his word?I keep from getting discouraged mainly by not focusing on my people but by focusing on the Lord. Then he gives me the heart for the people. If I were to focus on the world and its condition, or the church and its condition--or even my own soul and its condition--I think I would be overcome by discouragement. But that's not where encouragement comes from. We are to draw encouragement mainly from Christ, and from his work on the cross, and from his resurrection power, and from his intercession for at the Father's right hand, and from his promises to work all things together for good, to one day come and wrap up this history and make this creation his own fully, to cast out all ungodliness, and to establish righteousness and peace.So it is contemplaing Christ, the history of redemption, the work of the cross, and the promises of God that establish the heart. That is the most fundamental way I fight discouragement.And the second thing is that there are evidences of grace in the church, even in the weakest saint. And we should give thanks for the smallest evidences that the Holy Spirit has begun a work in our lives. And really, for all of us, that's all he has done: "He who began a good work in you will complete it unto the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:6). He has just begun.So I would say to look first to Christ--that's my hope. And then look for the evidences of his grace, even in the weakest saint. And you can find them. And you can celebrate them, and then bring those people along further.
And some verses that I've been meditating on lately and just wrote a song about yesterday,
"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Psalm 73:23-26,28
Monday, September 17, 2007
Re-embracing Hymns
I am currently loving hymns - the high view of God, depth of doctrine, and centrality of the Gospel - found in the classics...
One we sang last Sunday that I really enjoy:
"Love Divine, All Loves Excelling" by Charles Wesley
Love divine, all loves excelling, Joy of heav'n, to earth come down!
Fix in us Thy humble dwelling; All Thy faithful mercies crown.
Jesus, Thou art all compassion; Pure, unbounded love Thou art.
Visit us with Thy salvation; Enter every trembling heart.
Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit; Let us find the promised rest.
Take away our bent to sinning; Alpha and Omega be.
End of faith, as its beginning, set our hearts at liberty.
Come, Almighty, to deliver; Let us all Thy life receive.
Suddenly return, and never, Nevermore Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing, Serve Thee as Thy hosts above,
Pray and praise Thee without ceasing, Glory in Thy perfect love.
Finish then Thy new creation; Pure and spotless let us be.
Let us see Thy great salvation Perfectly restored in Thee.
Changed from glory into glory, TIll in heav'n we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before Thee, Lost in wonder, love and praise.
One we sang last Sunday that I really enjoy:
"Love Divine, All Loves Excelling" by Charles Wesley
Love divine, all loves excelling, Joy of heav'n, to earth come down!
Fix in us Thy humble dwelling; All Thy faithful mercies crown.
Jesus, Thou art all compassion; Pure, unbounded love Thou art.
Visit us with Thy salvation; Enter every trembling heart.
Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit; Let us find the promised rest.
Take away our bent to sinning; Alpha and Omega be.
End of faith, as its beginning, set our hearts at liberty.
Come, Almighty, to deliver; Let us all Thy life receive.
Suddenly return, and never, Nevermore Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing, Serve Thee as Thy hosts above,
Pray and praise Thee without ceasing, Glory in Thy perfect love.
Finish then Thy new creation; Pure and spotless let us be.
Let us see Thy great salvation Perfectly restored in Thee.
Changed from glory into glory, TIll in heav'n we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before Thee, Lost in wonder, love and praise.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Amazing times in East Asia
Thank you for your prayers. I can't even begin to describe how much God is moving in East Asia and how much He taught me this summer. God's doing amazing things there. Our team got to see 44 people come to know Christ! Praise God! We also got to meet some national staff which was really exciting, since they came to know Christ in college, and now are STINTing in Central Asia, taking the Gospel to places where it would be difficult for Americans to go- the whole Back to Jerusalem movement. It's sweet to see how that nation is becoming a great sending nation.
God humbled me in many ways this summer. I realized that I came into the project with rose-colored glasses, as I thought that full-time ministry would be all good and happy since I had heard how ripe East Asia is for harvesting. But God is faithful, He shatters my expectations and with every broken piece surrendered to Him, He makes my vision clearer to gaze on Him. Despite sickness, loneliness, and discouragement, God gave me more of His joy and showed me how His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in my weakness as it says in 2 Corinthians 12:9. It was actually really cool because the second week we were there, there were around 4 of us who were really sick, and that was the week the harvest was most plentiful as our team got to see around 25 people come to know Christ. Praise God! I couldn't go out very much that week, so I stayed in my apartment and prayed for my team, but it was so encouraging seeing God use the body to accomplish His work. I actually never got to see someone come to know Christ personally, which was hard for me at first, as I struggled with comparision and feeling like a failure, but God is so faithful of reminding me to rejoice first and foremostly in my salvation, not the results, because it is God who takes care of the results as it says in Habbakuk 3:17-19, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail, and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength, he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."
I was also very encouraged by my team, and saw the great value of community especially when doing ministry. I actually miss them alot. God has grown my heart for East Asia, and I am praying to see if God is leading me to STINT next year or go back in some other way at some other time. Please pray for me as I seek God's direction this next year. I'm graduating, which is a scary thought, but I believe that this trip affirmed that God is calling me to full-time ministry, but I'm not sure what that looks like right now. I'll be applying to Biola to get an M.A. in Intercultural studies. Please be in prayer for that as well.
This is kind of a strange illustration of how much I was at peace being there: My parents told me my acne was much clearer than when I left, even though they expected that it would've gotten worse. I told them that I guess it's because it was most joyous and less stressful being fully focused on ministry. Maybe it's also because it's a simple and slower pace of life there. Please also pray for my parents, as they trust God with my plans as well. I praise God that He grew them alot during this trip, in letting me go, and trusting Him with me. I ask that He continue to grow them and grow their trust in Him since He might lead me to some crazy places in the future.
Oh yeah, and CM 2007 was amazing! It was like a glimpse of heaven.
Now, I'm at home and having a refreshing time resting in God's presence - reading, writing, listening to sermons, playing piano and guitar. It's been very refreshing, especially after experiencing exhaustion in East Asia.
God humbled me in many ways this summer. I realized that I came into the project with rose-colored glasses, as I thought that full-time ministry would be all good and happy since I had heard how ripe East Asia is for harvesting. But God is faithful, He shatters my expectations and with every broken piece surrendered to Him, He makes my vision clearer to gaze on Him. Despite sickness, loneliness, and discouragement, God gave me more of His joy and showed me how His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in my weakness as it says in 2 Corinthians 12:9. It was actually really cool because the second week we were there, there were around 4 of us who were really sick, and that was the week the harvest was most plentiful as our team got to see around 25 people come to know Christ. Praise God! I couldn't go out very much that week, so I stayed in my apartment and prayed for my team, but it was so encouraging seeing God use the body to accomplish His work. I actually never got to see someone come to know Christ personally, which was hard for me at first, as I struggled with comparision and feeling like a failure, but God is so faithful of reminding me to rejoice first and foremostly in my salvation, not the results, because it is God who takes care of the results as it says in Habbakuk 3:17-19, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail, and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength, he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."
I was also very encouraged by my team, and saw the great value of community especially when doing ministry. I actually miss them alot. God has grown my heart for East Asia, and I am praying to see if God is leading me to STINT next year or go back in some other way at some other time. Please pray for me as I seek God's direction this next year. I'm graduating, which is a scary thought, but I believe that this trip affirmed that God is calling me to full-time ministry, but I'm not sure what that looks like right now. I'll be applying to Biola to get an M.A. in Intercultural studies. Please be in prayer for that as well.
This is kind of a strange illustration of how much I was at peace being there: My parents told me my acne was much clearer than when I left, even though they expected that it would've gotten worse. I told them that I guess it's because it was most joyous and less stressful being fully focused on ministry. Maybe it's also because it's a simple and slower pace of life there. Please also pray for my parents, as they trust God with my plans as well. I praise God that He grew them alot during this trip, in letting me go, and trusting Him with me. I ask that He continue to grow them and grow their trust in Him since He might lead me to some crazy places in the future.
Oh yeah, and CM 2007 was amazing! It was like a glimpse of heaven.
Now, I'm at home and having a refreshing time resting in God's presence - reading, writing, listening to sermons, playing piano and guitar. It's been very refreshing, especially after experiencing exhaustion in East Asia.
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