YAY! I'M GRADUATING!

I am so happy :)

Now that I'm done with finals, I can fully celebrate graduating! Yay! I was so excited to turn in my final paper on Tuesday that I skipped across Metzger Lawn with Jamie. It was so much fun :) Then on Tuesday night, I watched Midnight in Paris at the dollar theater with Michael, Mel, Maling, Annalyssa, Andrew, and Babs. When we got home, the roommies and I had a dance party amongst the three of us in our living room to celebrate being done with finals. After my final Greek class on Wednesday night, I skipped down the Talbot hallway with Annalyssa, had a Guppy's run with the roommies, and watched Polar Express in the A.S. office. Today, I am looking forward to getting hooded at Baccalaureate and then Graduation is tomorrow! WHOOOOOOOO! Let the celebration continue!

God has been so faithful to me :)

This song pretty much sums it all up. "Never Once" will be my graduation anthem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bXG4WIesA

Never Once

by Matt Redman

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we’ve come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful You are faithful, God,

You are faithful You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Nearing the End.

Graduation is only 2 weeks away! As graduation approaches, I've been reflecting on the Lord's goodness to me during my time at Talbot, and His transforming work in my life.

I read a few papers from the past few years, and I am overwhelmed by His steadfast love and mercy.

This is the application portion from a paper I wrote on Romans 8:1-11 last fall semester (October 27, 2010), for my Romans class. I actually wrote about the experience in a previous blog post:

"The present realities that there is no condemnation in Christ and the Spirit lives within believers are freeing and exciting truths for believers! These truths describe the life we have in Christ and in the Spirit, which is not a struggle between flesh and spirit – a battle that seems hopeless, but it is a life that is characterized by life and peace. The truth that the very Spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us is powerful.

Writing this paper brought great joy to me, because as I meditated on these truths, I saw and felt much hope and freedom. Because I often feel guilt and condemnation which leads to a spiral down into despair, the truth that there is no condemnation in Christ is greatly freeing. For someone who struggles with the guilt and shame of depression, this truth has been transforming for me and gives me great hope. The reality that the Spirit lives within me and that there is life and power in Him also gives me great hope as I know this is a struggle that is not hopeless, but that there is victory and there is hope in the transforming work of the Spirit. While it is hard to confront the pain of looking at myself and the pain of my past, I see the hope that Christ and the Spirit give. Even in the pain and suffering, I know that Christ is holding me in His loving arms and that the Spirit’s power lives within me – and this gives me great comfort and hope.

I found so much joy in these truths that I actually started dancing in the middle of writing this paper because I cannot contain the joy that I feel while thinking about the great freedom and hope I have in Christ. I am thankful for the consolation God has given me while writing this paper, since it has been awhile since I’ve felt this excited. I love the truths of Romans 8 and having the opportunity to study these truths. I am now exuding with joy."

As I read this paper today, I was moved to tears at the how the Lord has truly brought so much freedom to my life. Even in the midst of a time when I was in a deep depression, the Lord showed me the transforming power of His truth and love through His Word, and through community. I am not the same person I was when I entered Talbot three and a half years ago, or even a year ago, and I am thankful for the Lord's grace in my life.

I am overjoyed! This picture is from a Talbot hoodie photo shoot, courtesy of Wade Chan. I love this jumping picture with my fellow Talbot A.S. teammates with Josh, Andrew, Annalyssa, and Crystal.

I also love this picture - just shows how amazing our Talbot faculty and staff are. From the left: Dr. Richard Rigsby - Hebrew professor/Talbot Bible Lands professor/my Talbot grandpa; Dr. Scott Rae - Philosophy Professor; Anita Regehr - Talbot receptionist a.k.a. Talbot mom; Gail Neal - Bible Exposition/Philosophy Departmental secretary.

Thankful.

It's 3 a.m. and I can't fall asleep, so I figure, might as well write a blog post since I haven't updated in awhile.

As Thanksgiving approaches and graduation is less than month away, there are many things to be thankful for. Today, I am especially thankful for:

- My fellow first-years in the Spiritual Formation program (a.k.a. my ISF cohort group). I did my Family Sculpture today, and I just felt so loved by their listening ears and prayerful hearts.

-Fun music and good times with friends. I saw Andrew Figueroa Chiang and the Blazing Rays of the Sun, Connie Lim, and Jane Lui, last Saturday at the Hotel Cafe with Edith and Lyndsey. It was so much fun :)

-The Lord's goodness and transforming work. I just think about where I was a year and a half ago, and I am so thankful that I see evidences of His love and grace, that I can smile and say that I do feel joy and life :)

-Cheap, good haircuts at Paul Mitchell's School and roommie time with Mel and Maling.

- Friends who have shown me what relationship means -rejoicing with me in the good, and holding me in the bad, for loving me, praying for me, and being there for me.

-The Family of God - seeing God's love and grace through my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially the Talbot family.

-Having the privilege of studying at Talbot. It's been an amazing 3 1/2 years. I am utterly amazed and blown away by the Lord's goodness and grace. And I am so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in getting me through my first degree. I can't believe I'll be graduating with an M.A. in Bible Exposition in less than a month!

Much Ado About Autumn Again.

Last Thursday, we had our first big A.S. event for the year: Much Ado About Autumn: A Talbot Family Celebration. It was so much fun! Many families came, and it was a joy to be able to celebrate God's provision and just have fun. There was a bounce house, petting zoo, games, food, and drinks. At the end of the night, we had a more intimate time of prayer and worship to just praise God and give thanks for what He has done in our community.

We also had "Ebenezer" stones where families could write how God's provided for them.

Even though it was busy preparing for the event and during the event, I thoroughly enjoyed everything we did. I remember last year, when I was so stressed out during this first event - feeling like I was crumbling under the pressure, that after it was all over, I just felt like hiding in a hole and never coming out. I am thankful for the team that the Lord placed around me, that even when I felt weak, that they loved and supported me through it. I am thankful that there are signs of growth this year: that I didn't feel stressed out and that I was able to enjoy it.

I love seeing Talbot students and faculty with their families - seeing the different sides of these men and women as fathers, grandfathers, mothers, grandmothers, husbands, and wives. I love seeing kids and parents playing, singing and dancing. Oh to be a kid again! Such simplicity and such joy! I love being able to worship God and praise Him with other students. I enjoyed coming together with the new A.S. team this year, co-laboring with them in this ministry. It makes my heart full of joy and gratitude :)

It's begun...

My 4th year at Talbot.

Last semester in the M.A. Bible Exposition program. Starting my journey in the M.A. in Spiritual Formation program.

I've been meditating on Psalm 1 recently:

The Way of the Righteous and the Wicked

¹Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
²but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

³He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers. ⁴The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

⁵Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
⁶for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

I've been reflecting on how God's grown me in the past year - how he's been rebuilding a stronger foundation after the foundation I thought I had crumbled to pieces - how He's deepened my roots like a tree and now I actually see fruit, and I am so grateful :)

God is so good and faithful, and His steadfast love endures forever.

Even just looking at the change of how I actually was able to really enjoy Welcome Week this year, instead of being so crazy stressed out and wanting to withdraw like I did last year, is exciting to me.

New A.S. team. We had our planning retreat at Hilltop last weekend. Good times. Amazing people. Excited to see how God's working and how He will work this year.

I'm Biola official.

It's official.

Yesterday was my first day being a staff person at Biola, working as the Assistant to the Manager of Recruiting and Outreach of Graduate Programs - Graduate Admissions. I get to tell people how amazing Biola's grad programs are and convince them to come here.

It's pretty sweet how God has provided this opportunity for me. I'm super thankful :)

*And if you or anyone you know is interested in Biola's grad programs, tell them to call me ;)

Jacaranda Trees.

6.1.11

The first day of June.

“Look at the trees, Papa. They’re purple!”

“Yes, sweetie, they are purple. Come on, don’t dilly-dally. Mommy’s waiting for us.”

“O.K., Daddy, can I just pick up one flower from the purple tree? There’s so much on the ground.”

She went under the tree, picked up one of the small blossoms on the dewy ground, feeling the wet flower on her fingers. She pulled the blossom apart, leaving only the innards- bare and exposed.

“Come on, sweetie, we need to go. Pick up your pace. Hold my hand.”

She dropped the flower on the ground, and stepped on the blossoms that lined the floor. One step at a time, she felt the squishiness beneath her feet, as if she were walking on a kind of carpet. Looking under one of her shoes, she saw that there were flower bits all over the bottom. She scraped the flower bits off on the curb.

“Daddy, can we have purple trees in our backyard? I want to have a purple tree.”

“Sure, sweetie. You can have a purple tree.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, of course. Now, come on, keep up.”

So, she ran to catch up with her father who was now three feet ahead of her. She walked two steps for every one of his large strides, walking doubly fast to keep up with him, and she held his hand.

Dabbling in Photoshop.

Now that I actually have time on my hands (whoo! I love the summer), I've been dabbling in Photoshop with a recent picture that I took at Mt. San Jacinto National Park in Palm Springs:

Original picture:

With a Sepia overlay:

Making a Fujifilm Velvia effect:

For Good.

(A.S. team at Talbot Baccalaureate)

After a weekend of graduation celebrations, the song, "For Good" from Wicked comes to mind as I know the friendships of this past year have been so influential in my life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQJaZO2nfGg

(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you


[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/for-good-lyrics-wicked.html ]

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

Congratulations to the Talbot Class of 2011. I will miss you very much!

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

(Picture from http://theblissfulpixel.com/blog2/page/2/)

A wedding.

A dance party.

A bridal shower.

A graduation.

Times of celebration. These are the moments when I realize that despite all the hardships and pain in life, there are also such great times of joy and laughter. I love being able to celebrate the good moments in life and I am thankful for these times of fun :)

I love being able to dance without inhibition in a place I am comfortable with around good friends.

So fun!

I also celebrate the past year - seeing the areas of growth in my life, seeing how I'm so far from where I was a year ago, when I was struggling so much...Taking one step at a time towards growth wasn't always fun, and many times it was hard and painful, but now I look back, and see so many benefits...

I am so thankful for the Lord's grace through it all. He is truly so good to me.

And I will celebrate His love.

Remembering...

It's 12:20 am and I want to sleep, but my mind keeps on thinking about this past year and all the things that have happened...

It was a year ago that the foundations I had been building of my own good works and my own merits fell crashing down - all built on the sand of my own efforts. Even though I knew all the right answers about God's love and grace in my head, I saw the huge disconnect between the knowledge I knew intellectually and my actual experience. Through the pain of facing my own fear, anger, anxiety, doubt, shame, and guilt, I saw how messed up I really was.

And I was left broken, unable to fix myself, doubting who I was, doubting God and His goodness.

And being in that broken place grieved me because I hated seeing the reality of who I was.

And yet, it was in this broken place, in this place where I realized I could not fix myself, that God met me in great and profound ways.

It was here that He showed me His love was unconditional...that I did not have to do anything to earn His love, that I couldn't even be capable of doing anything to receive His love because I was so broken and messed up.

It was here that He held me, when no one else could. Through my tears and all the emotions, He held me.

In His gentleness, He never judged me or condemned me, but in His love, drew me to Him - to His loving arms.

And I'm still in the process of healing, and He continues to meet me where I'm at...and for this, I'm thankful.

So yes, I would go through this past year again, even through the pain of it all, because it was in this pain that God's love was made real to me.

And now, I know that God is good, not just intellectually, but in a deeper, experiential way.

God is good and His lovingkindness endures forever.

Caring For Your Introvert

Yen posted this article on my facebook wall...

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

so witty and well-written and true!

it feels nice that other people are similar to me i can resonate with their experience.

Another Example of Courage.

"Joseph of Arimathea came, a prominent member of the Council, who himself was waiting for the kingdom of God; and he gathered up courage and went in before Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus."

~Mark 15:43

As I think about the emotions of the people in the Easter story, including this dude, Joseph of Arimathea, who's often looked over, I am struck by how he "gathered up courage" to ask Pilate for the body of Jesus.

He was a member of the Council- the Sanhedrin - he was part of the Jewish leaders who did not believe in the resurrection of the dead, and who were the ones who put Jesus to death. So, for him to 1) believe in the Resurrection himself and 2) come and want to give Jesus a proper burial, took so much courage.

He turned his back on what he was supposed to believe to honor a man who just died a criminal's death and who claimed to be the Son of God. The other members of the Sanhedrin had mocked Jesus to His face, so for Joseph of Arimathea to want to stand up for Jesus, must have been a huge step of courage.

He must have been ostracized from his community, especially in an honor/shame culture - to want to honor the man with a proper burial which his Council had put to death.

While even Jesus' disciples had fled from the authorities, and did not defend Jesus, this man - Joseph of Arimathea, stood up for Jesus' honor, even when Jesus was dead. Of course, no one knew what was coming - the Resurrection - but thinking about this one snapshot, this one glimpse into the story - Joseph of Arimathea demonstrated a great amount of courage.

And so the question I ask myself is:

"Would I stand up for Jesus, follow Him, and His honor, even if no one else believed me, even if I get ostracized from my community?"

Dying to Live.

While reading the narrative of the Lord's last week before His death and resurrection, I came across this verse.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."

John 12:24

And the song "Baptize My Mind" by Jon Foreman comes to mind.

Reaching always reaching
Never reaching solid ground
Seeking always seeking
Never seeking what I've found

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First it must die

Both my hands are filled with guilt
(Be my absolution)
Oh with my eyes are blind with filth
(Be my absolution, absolution)

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

I'm learning what it means to die to self...

I guess I'm learning what my self is first, because I need to know what self is before I can die to it...

And our Lord's words of courage comfort me:

"Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father save Me from this hour?' But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name." Then a loud voice came from heaven: "I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again."

(John 12:27-28).

Even though Christ knew that He was going to suffer such great pain on our behalf, and was troubled in His soul, He still went through with it. I'm comforted that He was troubled in soul - that He was fully human and had the feelings of fear that we do, but even in feeling "troubled," he still continued on - and He didn't ask the Father to save Him from the pain, but asked the Father to be glorified in it.

As I think about my own fears in continuing down this journey of facing pain, I am thankful that Christ understands me and is with me in it, and the question that I ask myself is:

"Will I ask the Lord to save me from this pain or will I ask Him to be glorified in it?"

A Night on the Red Carpet.

Talbot Spring Banquet was so much fun last night!

I honestly wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did, because of the busyness of all the preparations- but it was a really great night full of celebration. It was so much fun seeing everyone dressed up in their nice attire, all dolled up and being able to celebrate what God has done this past year at Talbot. The decor, performances, and awards made it a night to remember. I am so thankful for all who volunteered and contributed to making this night spectacular.

Again, I remember why I love our A.S. team so much. I'm astounded and thankful by the gifts each one has, and how they all contribute to making the night such a special evening.

• Juan: the head mastermind and taskmaster: a visionary eye + understanding logistical details = amazing event planner. Harry Potter would totally be jealous of those awesome search lights.
• Josh C. and Feiser: emcees/actors/comedians - their wit and humor with improv abilities -writing and acting out the Talbot Family Sculpture - brought much laughter and a cohesion to the whole night.
• Josh M.: performer/visionary for the dance - a great opening act with Gail Neal of "Be Our Guest" brought a grand opening of huge momentum that started the evening which kept on going. The dance was also a beautiful picture of the freedom we have in the Holy Spirit.
• Angela : decorating artist - her eye for aesthetics shone through with the magnificence of Sycamore Lawn. breathtaking.
• Mel and Jamie: the flower girls - arranging all the floral centerpieces was hard work and they turned out so beautiful and elegant.
• Toby: the T-man - building giant T's and mounting them shows the manliness and servanthood of this dude. We were also blessed by the worship set of two songs- left us wanting for more time to praise our Lord in community.
• And I realized that even though it was stressful, I actually enjoyed doing the place cards and organizing tables and taking care of these kinds of behind-the-scene logistics. Or maybe I just enjoyed the company that I had in the office, working with A.S. peeps. Tedious admin work is so much better when you're doing it with people.

This team gives me a picture of what it looks like to be a part of God's family, each one using and operating out of their gifts, and working together to accomplish a mission. They have cared for me and encouraged me in so many ways this past year, and I am so blessed by each one of them. They remind me of how God's worked in my life in great ways this year and encourage me in the ways I've grown. Even just remembering the first large event this past year at Much Ado About Autumn, where I was so stressed out and wanted to retreat, last night was so different from that time. Last night was a night which I thoroughly enjoyed - even cleaning up afterwards and just sitting in the office with the team for a little time to reflect and relax before we headed home. I'm thankful that my team didn't leave me in that broken place where I was at the beginning of this year, and how they've held me and supported me, until now - where I feel more stability. They have been such a gift to me. I am thankful.

This night gives me another evidence that we weren't made to be lone-rangers and that we were meant to live in community.

"We are family."

Forever Reign

Pictures from Talbot's Night of Prayer, courtesy of Wade Chan....(Feiser gets holy points for this picture...haha)

New fav. song after singing it at Talbot's Night of Prayer, Worship, and Intercession last March 11.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc

Forever Reign by Hillsong

You are good, You are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love, You are love

On display for all to see

You are light, You are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true

Ever in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life

In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign.

You are more, You are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign.

My heart will sing, no other name

Jesus, Jesus

My heart will sing, no other name

Jesus, Jesus

In the Father's Embrace.

This has been a powerful painting for me:

painting title: In the Father's Embrace

http://councell.net
© Ruth Tietjen Councell
Updated 13 August 2009

i wrote a song a few weeks ago. these are the lyrics:

Tears fall like rain, running down my windowpane

They flow from eyes, like clouds full of sighs

They sound, they sound, like never-ending footsteps on the ground

I let go, I let go, of the dreams that I held dearly

Even though I don’t see clearly,

Because I don’t know if you will ever be mine.

But I trust the One who knows what’s best for us.

And I know He’s good and loves us both so much.

And His arms are holding us through the night

And His strength is pulling us through the fight.

So I say, I say, Goodbye.

I’m laying you down

I’m laying you down

I’m laying us down

At His feet.

Twenty-Four.

The Switchfoot song, "Twenty-Four" comes to mind as I celebrate twenty-four years of life today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6rHbv7H5AA&playnext=1&list=PL32612EBB6EB29D3B

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising these...

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh
I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me
Yeah

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
I'm not copping out
Not copping out

The Solid Rock by Edward Mote

I love hymns, and the stories behind hymns...came across the story behind "The Solid Rock."

I like the images that this song depicts of Christ as the solid Rock and as the Anchor.

(This is a picture of Agios Stefanos: a famous monastery on top of the grey rocks of Meteora, Greece)

http://articles.ochristian.com/article6027.shtml

1. My hope is built on nothing less
   Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
   I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
   But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
   • Refrain:
     On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
     All other ground is sinking sand,
     All other ground is sinking sand.
2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
   I rest on His unchanging grace;
   In every high and stormy gale,
   My anchor holds within the veil.
3. His oath, His covenant, His blood
   Support me in the whelming flood;
   When all around my soul gives way,
   He then is all my hope and stay.
4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
   Oh, may I then in Him be found;
   Dressed in His righteousness alone,
   Faultless to stand before the throne.

I am struck by the original lyrics of this song and of the two stanzas that are usually omitted:

" The "Solid Rock" text was written in 1834, and Mote titled it, "The Gracious Experience of a Christian." The completed hymn text originally consisted of six stanzas. Expressions from portions of these two omitted verses are interesting to observe:

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness;

'Midst all the hell I feel within, on His completed work I lean.

I trust His righteous character, His council, promise, and His power;

His honor and His name's at stake, to save me from the burning lake."

After Watching 127 Hours.

I just came home from watching 127 Hours at the dollar theater with my roommate, Maling. I really liked it amidst the gruesome parts- not just for the picturesque landscapes, amazing cinematography and soundtrack, and my fellow Bruin Class of 2008 grad, James Franco, but also for the story of human resiliency. It's quite amazing to see what determination, endurance, and strength Aron Ralston displays in order to survive being stuck in a canyon for 127 hours. Gives so much hope.

I think I've become more fascinated with movies without very much dialogue such as 127 hours, Wall-E, or Cast Away, and how these movies can captivate the audience's attention and emotions even without many words. It's ironic that I want to be a writer, and yet I'm learning more about the value of wordlessness. Images and music have been so powerful for me recently, especially in my prayer times with the Lord. There are times when I'm so tired, I don't really have words, or there are just no words that can express the things in my heart. Sometimes songs or pictures come to mind which have been helpful in expression. I guess that's why there's the cliche saying that "A Picture is worth a 1000 words." and as Victor Hugo said,“Music expresses that which can not be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.”

I'm looking forward to seeing Explosions in the Sky in concert with my brother because they are an amazing instrumental band.

The Story Behind "How He Loves Us"

The story behind this song just makes me love this song even more:

http://vimeo.com/10868953

I am starting to really like John Mark McMillan's album the The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down. Too bad they don't sell this album anymore :(

I want to see this guy play live...

On that note, I saw Charlie Hall play at Biola last Sunday. Good study break from reading for Historical Theology with Wade and Andrew :)

And he played "Marvelous Light." It was great.

Being One of Many.

My friend, Yen, sent this article to me today:

Asian American Teenage Girls Have Highest Rates of Depression; NAMI Releases Report

When I read this article, it made me sad, but I wasn't surprised. I think I've heard these statistics before, and unfortunately, it makes sense to me. Asian-American teenage girls have great pressures to succeed and to hide the reality of their struggles from others, and when we hide, we can't get help, so the struggle worsens. Living in a bi-cultural reality, it's hard to navigate between two, sometimes seemingly, diametrically-opposed cultures. Putting on faces of looking put together on the outside, it's easy to hide the reality of the deadness that is felt inside. It makes alot of sense to me why this statistic is so high - probably because I am one of them.

I am one of these Asian-American girls who has excelled in school and in many other areas of life, who knows how to please people, and knows how to put on an exterior of looking put together on the outside.

I've struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide, and no one would've ever guessed it.

It's easy to hide under my smiling face.

The Lord is good to me, in providing a good community around me to love on me, and to be real with. I am thankful for my sisters and brothers who I can share my struggle with and know that I am loved, and know that I am held. I am thankful that there are people around me who will fight this battle with me - that I am not alone. And as they remind me of who I am in Christ - that I can find freedom in Him, I feel the bondage being broken. I know there is power in Christ's victory, because I have experienced victory over these thoughts by His grace. I am so grateful for my friends who have walked with me through the struggle and pain, who have prayed for me, who have held me. And I believe that a large reason why I am growing in this freedom in Christ is because of this safe community who loves me through it.

So why do I share this on a public forum? Because I'm realizing that God has shown me His love, grace, and freedom in so many ways, and that I want to help others along this journey towards freedom. I want others who struggle with this know that they are not alone in it, that I am one who struggles with you. I want others to see that there is freedom and hope in Christ, especially in times when it feels so hopeless. There is always hope.

Gazing on Beauty.

"Gazing on Beauty" was the theme of our women's retreat this past weekend. It truly was an amazing weekend full of beauty and loveliness. From the beautiful location of Hilltop with the snow, delicious food, good conversations as we listened to each other's stories, and sweet fellowship with the sisters - praising God and seeing His goodness in nature and in each other, and praying for one another, playing in the snow; and spending sweet, quiet moments with the Lord - it was so refreshing. I love my sisters at Talbot. They are amazing, godly women who help me see how great God is, the depth of Jesus' love for me, and are so sensitive to His Spirit - reminding me of the truth of who I am as a daughter of the King, a child of my Abba, carrying me through hard times.

I read Out of Solitude by Henry Nouwen while I was there. I really love that guy. Here is a quote that I really liked from that book:

"To wait patiently, therefore, means to allow our weeping and wailing to become the purifying preparation by which we are made ready to receive the joy which is promised to us."

The waiting is hard - but without the pain of the waiting, we couldn't experience the depth of joy that awaits us. So all the pain is worth it, because even in the pain, the Lord meets me there with His comfort and love, and I find so much joy as I know that He is holding me and giving me hope.

I got accepted into the Institute of Spiritual Formation at Talbot this semester. Although I am excited about the journey that awaits me, I also am nervous of the intensity of this program. I also sometimes wonder what I'm doing pursuing another master's degree - because I know this will be more time, money, and energy. This weekend was God's grace to me in showing me that I am in the right place, on the right track, and that the work of His Spirit in my life and others' lives is exciting - and I will get to see the great way His Spirit works in me and in other people's lives through this program. I know that He will provide for me.

The Comfort of a Clean Room.

I finally cleaned my room today. After coming home from the Philippines, my room has been a mess of luggage and pasalubong everywhere. I am thankful to be home. Traveling around the Philippines has made me realize how much of a homebody I am and how I love just being inside the comfort of my apartment. It's been busy since coming back with the start of school - with classes and A.S. events, and now a part-time job with Graduate Admissions at Biola. I really do live at Biola - spending all the time I do on campus. But I really do love it there. It's a great place and I always feel a sense of peace when I walk around campus and look at the tree blossoms which are blooming, ushering in a sense that spring is near...I took the above picture with my camera phone near the Talbot building because I saw it and thought

it was pretty...haha

And I love the people at Biola - the whole community of students, faculty, and staff are amazing - so many godly people. They give me hope :)

Here is a picture from my Romans class last semester with me and Dr. Russell (courtesy of Michael Park)...I think that has been my favorite class so far...(probably because I felt so much joy that I wanted to dance while writing my Romans 8 paper)

Because I'm on campus all the time, when I do get to go home to my apartment, it is such a great comfort. I love being home. And I love my roommates :)

There is something comforting about a clean and organized room to me- where things are in their place, and there is a sense of order instead of chaos. Perhaps, even through cleaning, in creating a sense of order, we are imitating an attribute of God as He is a God of order. He is stable and unchanging, bringing a sense of calm, peace, and security. He made the world and created order out of nothing. He brings order and peace to my often wavering and chaotic heart.

I am thankful for the peace He gives, and even in the busyness, I know that He gives me His shalom.

In the Motherland Again.

It's always nice going to the Philippines - spending time with my family, eating the delicious food, seeing the different sites, experiencing the slow, relaxed pace of provincial life, watching the farm animals in our backyard, enjoying the papayas and bananas from our trees in the backyard, looking at the beautiful ceiling of our "Filipino White House," watching the children play in the middle of the street, riding jipneys and tricycles, pondering under a coconut tree, singing and dancing, seeing the rainforest and jungles and mountains and rice plantations, and bahay kubos, eating with my hands, shopping at the megamalls for clothes and shoes that actually fit me, experiencing the richness and depth and variety of culture here...

it's masaya.

a nice bakasyon. a good break from studying.

but there's no place like home...and i think the more time i spend here, the more i realize that the U.S. is my home.