grace on roads

Another Semester...

2012-02-04T13:06:00.001-08:00

Quick update:

Went to the PI for 3 weeks to visit family. Above is a silly picture of my fam bam. They are pretty awesome. Good times.

Now I'm back at Talbot for another semester, continuing the M.A. Spiritual Formation program. I am so glad to be back. I really do feel like Biola is my home :)

First week was super long, but good.

I am excited for what the Lord has in store for this semester...

Here's a picture of our A.S. team from last weekend during planning retreat...

I love them alot. It's pretty awesome getting to serve the Talbot community with my friends :)

I am currently listening to : Hope for a Tree Cut Down by the Church of the Beloved...

http://www.byfor.org/project_hope_for_a_tree.html

I like it alot. Reminds me that I am loved by God.

One song that I especially like is called Blessed by Tara Ward, inspired by Henry Nouwen's book Life of the Beloved. I heard it while visiting Redeemer church in La Mirada a couple weeks ago. They played it during communion. It moved me to tears. Here are the lyrics:

We need reminding always that we belong

to a loving God who wont leave us alone,

but will remind us we are guided

by love on every step of our lives.

Receive. Receive. Receive the blessing of God.

And be reminded we are guided

by love on every step of our lives.

YAY! I'M GRADUATING!

2011-12-15T08:02:00.000-08:00

I am so happy :)

Now that I'm done with finals, I can fully celebrate graduating! Yay! I was so excited to turn in my final paper on Tuesday that I skipped across Metzger Lawn with Jamie. It was so much fun :) Then on Tuesday night, I watched Midnight in Paris at the dollar theater with Michael, Mel, Maling, Annalyssa, Andrew, and Babs. When we got home, the roommies and I had a dance party amongst the three of us in our living room to celebrate being done with finals. After my final Greek class on Wednesday night, I skipped down the Talbot hallway with Annalyssa, had a Guppy's run with the roommies, and watched Polar Express in the A.S. office. Today, I am looking forward to getting hooded at Baccalaureate and then Graduation is tomorrow! WHOOOOOOOO! Let the celebration continue!

God has been so faithful to me :)

This song pretty much sums it all up. "Never Once" will be my graduation anthem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bXG4WIesA

Never Once

by Matt Redman

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we’ve come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful You are faithful, God,

You are faithful You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Nearing the End.

2011-12-03T09:14:00.000-08:00

Graduation is only 2 weeks away! As graduation approaches, I've been reflecting on the Lord's goodness to me during my time at Talbot, and His transforming work in my life.

I read a few papers from the past few years, and I am overwhelmed by His steadfast love and mercy.

This is the application portion from a paper I wrote on Romans 8:1-11 last fall semester (October 27, 2010), for my Romans class. I actually wrote about the experience in a previous blog post:

"The present realities that there is no condemnation in Christ and the Spirit lives within believers are freeing and exciting truths for believers! These truths describe the life we have in Christ and in the Spirit, which is not a struggle between flesh and spirit – a battle that seems hopeless, but it is a life that is characterized by life and peace. The truth that the very Spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us is powerful.

Writing this paper brought great joy to me, because as I meditated on these truths, I saw and felt much hope and freedom. Because I often feel guilt and condemnation which leads to a spiral down into despair, the truth that there is no condemnation in Christ is greatly freeing. For someone who struggles with the guilt and shame of depression, this truth has been transforming for me and gives me great hope. The reality that the Spirit lives within me and that there is life and power in Him also gives me great hope as I know this is a struggle that is not hopeless, but that there is victory and there is hope in the transforming work of the Spirit. While it is hard to confront the pain of looking at myself and the pain of my past, I see the hope that Christ and the Spirit give. Even in the pain and suffering, I know that Christ is holding me in His loving arms and that the Spirit’s power lives within me – and this gives me great comfort and hope.

I found so much joy in these truths that I actually started dancing in the middle of writing this paper because I cannot contain the joy that I feel while thinking about the great freedom and hope I have in Christ. I am thankful for the consolation God has given me while writing this paper, since it has been awhile since I’ve felt this excited. I love the truths of Romans 8 and having the opportunity to study these truths. I am now exuding with joy."

As I read this paper today, I was moved to tears at the how the Lord has truly brought so much freedom to my life. Even in the midst of a time when I was in a deep depression, the Lord showed me the transforming power of His truth and love through His Word, and through community. I am not the same person I was when I entered Talbot three and a half years ago, or even a year ago, and I am thankful for the Lord's grace in my life.

I am overjoyed! This picture is from a Talbot hoodie photo shoot, courtesy of Wade Chan. I love this jumping picture with my fellow Talbot A.S. teammates with Josh, Andrew, Annalyssa, and Crystal.

I also love this picture - just shows how amazing our Talbot faculty and staff are. From the left: Dr. Richard Rigsby - Hebrew professor/Talbot Bible Lands professor/my Talbot grandpa; Dr. Scott Rae - Philosophy Professor; Anita Regehr - Talbot receptionist a.k.a. Talbot mom; Gail Neal - Bible Exposition/Philosophy Departmental secretary.

Thankful.

2011-11-22T03:13:00.001-08:00

It's 3 a.m. and I can't fall asleep, so I figure, might as well write a blog post since I haven't updated in awhile.

As Thanksgiving approaches and graduation is less than month away, there are many things to be thankful for. Today, I am especially thankful for:

- My fellow first-years in the Spiritual Formation program (a.k.a. my ISF cohort group). I did my Family Sculpture today, and I just felt so loved by their listening ears and prayerful hearts.

-Fun music and good times with friends. I saw Andrew Figueroa Chiang and the Blazing Rays of the Sun, Connie Lim, and Jane Lui, last Saturday at the Hotel Cafe with Edith and Lyndsey. It was so much fun :)

-The Lord's goodness and transforming work. I just think about where I was a year and a half ago, and I am so thankful that I see evidences of His love and grace, that I can smile and say that I do feel joy and life :)

-Cheap, good haircuts at Paul Mitchell's School and roommie time with Mel and Maling.

- Friends who have shown me what relationship means -rejoicing with me in the good, and holding me in the bad, for loving me, praying for me, and being there for me.

-The Family of God - seeing God's love and grace through my brothers and sisters in Christ, especially the Talbot family.

-Having the privilege of studying at Talbot. It's been an amazing 3 1/2 years. I am utterly amazed and blown away by the Lord's goodness and grace. And I am so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in getting me through my first degree. I can't believe I'll be graduating with an M.A. in Bible Exposition in less than a month!

Much Ado About Autumn Again.

2011-10-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, we had our first big A.S. event for the year: Much Ado About Autumn: A Talbot Family Celebration. It was so much fun! Many families came, and it was a joy to be able to celebrate God's provision and just have fun. There was a bounce house, petting zoo, games, food, and drinks. At the end of the night, we had a more intimate time of prayer and worship to just praise God and give thanks for what He has done in our community.

We also had "Ebenezer" stones where families could write how God's provided for them.

Even though it was busy preparing for the event and during the event, I thoroughly enjoyed everything we did. I remember last year, when I was so stressed out during this first event - feeling like I was crumbling under the pressure, that after it was all over, I just felt like hiding in a hole and never coming out. I am thankful for the team that the Lord placed around me, that even when I felt weak, that they loved and supported me through it. I am thankful that there are signs of growth this year: that I didn't feel stressed out and that I was able to enjoy it.

I love seeing Talbot students and faculty with their families - seeing the different sides of these men and women as fathers, grandfathers, mothers, grandmothers, husbands, and wives. I love seeing kids and parents playing, singing and dancing. Oh to be a kid again! Such simplicity and such joy! I love being able to worship God and praise Him with other students. I enjoyed coming together with the new A.S. team this year, co-laboring with them in this ministry. It makes my heart full of joy and gratitude :)

It's begun...

2011-08-27T22:23:00.001-07:00

My 4th year at Talbot.

Last semester in the M.A. Bible Exposition program. Starting my journey in the M.A. in Spiritual Formation program.

I've been meditating on Psalm 1 recently:

The Way of the Righteous and the Wicked

¹Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
²but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

³He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers. ⁴The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

⁵Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
⁶for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

I've been reflecting on how God's grown me in the past year - how he's been rebuilding a stronger foundation after the foundation I thought I had crumbled to pieces - how He's deepened my roots like a tree and now I actually see fruit, and I am so grateful :)

God is so good and faithful, and His steadfast love endures forever.

Even just looking at the change of how I actually was able to really enjoy Welcome Week this year, instead of being so crazy stressed out and wanting to withdraw like I did last year, is exciting to me.

New A.S. team. We had our planning retreat at Hilltop last weekend. Good times. Amazing people. Excited to see how God's working and how He will work this year.

I'm Biola official.

2011-07-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

It's official.

Yesterday was my first day being a staff person at Biola, working as the Assistant to the Manager of Recruiting and Outreach of Graduate Programs - Graduate Admissions. I get to tell people how amazing Biola's grad programs are and convince them to come here.

It's pretty sweet how God has provided this opportunity for me. I'm super thankful :)

*And if you or anyone you know is interested in Biola's grad programs, tell them to call me ;)

Jacaranda Trees.

2011-06-15T00:07:00.001-07:00

6.1.11

The first day of June.

“Look at the trees, Papa. They’re purple!”

“Yes, sweetie, they are purple. Come on, don’t dilly-dally. Mommy’s waiting for us.”

“O.K., Daddy, can I just pick up one flower from the purple tree? There’s so much on the ground.”

She went under the tree, picked up one of the small blossoms on the dewy ground, feeling the wet flower on her fingers. She pulled the blossom apart, leaving only the innards- bare and exposed.

“Come on, sweetie, we need to go. Pick up your pace. Hold my hand.”

She dropped the flower on the ground, and stepped on the blossoms that lined the floor. One step at a time, she felt the squishiness beneath her feet, as if she were walking on a kind of carpet. Looking under one of her shoes, she saw that there were flower bits all over the bottom. She scraped the flower bits off on the curb.

“Daddy, can we have purple trees in our backyard? I want to have a purple tree.”

“Sure, sweetie. You can have a purple tree.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, of course. Now, come on, keep up.”

So, she ran to catch up with her father who was now three feet ahead of her. She walked two steps for every one of his large strides, walking doubly fast to keep up with him, and she held his hand.

Dabbling in Photoshop.

2011-06-14T23:42:00.001-07:00

Now that I actually have time on my hands (whoo! I love the summer), I've been dabbling in Photoshop with a recent picture that I took at Mt. San Jacinto National Park in Palm Springs:

Original picture:

With a Sepia overlay:

Making a Fujifilm Velvia effect:

For Good.

2011-05-30T11:59:00.001-07:00

(A.S. team at Talbot Baccalaureate)

After a weekend of graduation celebrations, the song, "For Good" from Wicked comes to mind as I know the friendships of this past year have been so influential in my life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQJaZO2nfGg

(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/for-good-lyrics-wicked.html ]

(Glinda):
Because I knew you

(Both):
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

(Glinda):
And because I knew you...

(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...

(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

Congratulations to the Talbot Class of 2011. I will miss you very much!

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

2011-05-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

(Picture from http://theblissfulpixel.com/blog2/page/2/)

A wedding.

A dance party.

A bridal shower.

A graduation.

Times of celebration. These are the moments when I realize that despite all the hardships and pain in life, there are also such great times of joy and laughter. I love being able to celebrate the good moments in life and I am thankful for these times of fun :)

I love being able to dance without inhibition in a place I am comfortable with around good friends.

So fun!

I also celebrate the past year - seeing the areas of growth in my life, seeing how I'm so far from where I was a year ago, when I was struggling so much...Taking one step at a time towards growth wasn't always fun, and many times it was hard and painful, but now I look back, and see so many benefits...

I am so thankful for the Lord's grace through it all. He is truly so good to me.

And I will celebrate His love.

Remembering...

2011-05-14T00:19:00.000-07:00

It's 12:20 am and I want to sleep, but my mind keeps on thinking about this past year and all the things that have happened...

It was a year ago that the foundations I had been building of my own good works and my own merits fell crashing down - all built on the sand of my own efforts. Even though I knew all the right answers about God's love and grace in my head, I saw the huge disconnect between the knowledge I knew intellectually and my actual experience. Through the pain of facing my own fear, anger, anxiety, doubt, shame, and guilt, I saw how messed up I really was.

And I was left broken, unable to fix myself, doubting who I was, doubting God and His goodness.

And being in that broken place grieved me because I hated seeing the reality of who I was.

And yet, it was in this broken place, in this place where I realized I could not fix myself, that God met me in great and profound ways.

It was here that He showed me His love was unconditional...that I did not have to do anything to earn His love, that I couldn't even be capable of doing anything to receive His love because I was so broken and messed up.

It was here that He held me, when no one else could. Through my tears and all the emotions, He held me.

In His gentleness, He never judged me or condemned me, but in His love, drew me to Him - to His loving arms.

And I'm still in the process of healing, and He continues to meet me where I'm at...and for this, I'm thankful.

So yes, I would go through this past year again, even through the pain of it all, because it was in this pain that God's love was made real to me.

And now, I know that God is good, not just intellectually, but in a deeper, experiential way.

God is good and His lovingkindness endures forever.

Caring For Your Introvert

2011-05-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yen posted this article on my facebook wall...

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

so witty and well-written and true!

it feels nice that other people are similar to me i can resonate with their experience.

Another Example of Courage.

2011-04-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

"Joseph of Arimathea came, a prominent member of the Council, who himself was waiting for the kingdom of God; and he gathered up courage and went in before Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus."

~Mark 15:43

As I think about the emotions of the people in the Easter story, including this dude, Joseph of Arimathea, who's often looked over, I am struck by how he "gathered up courage" to ask Pilate for the body of Jesus.

He was a member of the Council- the Sanhedrin - he was part of the Jewish leaders who did not believe in the resurrection of the dead, and who were the ones who put Jesus to death. So, for him to 1) believe in the Resurrection himself and 2) come and want to give Jesus a proper burial, took so much courage.

He turned his back on what he was supposed to believe to honor a man who just died a criminal's death and who claimed to be the Son of God. The other members of the Sanhedrin had mocked Jesus to His face, so for Joseph of Arimathea to want to stand up for Jesus, must have been a huge step of courage.

He must have been ostracized from his community, especially in an honor/shame culture - to want to honor the man with a proper burial which his Council had put to death.

While even Jesus' disciples had fled from the authorities, and did not defend Jesus, this man - Joseph of Arimathea, stood up for Jesus' honor, even when Jesus was dead. Of course, no one knew what was coming - the Resurrection - but thinking about this one snapshot, this one glimpse into the story - Joseph of Arimathea demonstrated a great amount of courage.

And so the question I ask myself is:

"Would I stand up for Jesus, follow Him, and His honor, even if no one else believed me, even if I get ostracized from my community?"

Dying to Live.

2011-04-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

While reading the narrative of the Lord's last week before His death and resurrection, I came across this verse.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."

John 12:24

And the song "Baptize My Mind" by Jon Foreman comes to mind.

Reaching always reaching
Never reaching solid ground
Seeking always seeking
Never seeking what I've found

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First it must die

Both my hands are filled with guilt
(Be my absolution)
Oh with my eyes are blind with filth
(Be my absolution, absolution)

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

I'm learning what it means to die to self...

I guess I'm learning what my self is first, because I need to know what self is before I can die to it...

And our Lord's words of courage comfort me:

"Now My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, 'Father save Me from this hour?' But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name." Then a loud voice came from heaven: "I have both glorified it, and will glorify it again."

(John 12:27-28).

Even though Christ knew that He was going to suffer such great pain on our behalf, and was troubled in His soul, He still went through with it. I'm comforted that He was troubled in soul - that He was fully human and had the feelings of fear that we do, but even in feeling "troubled," he still continued on - and He didn't ask the Father to save Him from the pain, but asked the Father to be glorified in it.

As I think about my own fears in continuing down this journey of facing pain, I am thankful that Christ understands me and is with me in it, and the question that I ask myself is:

"Will I ask the Lord to save me from this pain or will I ask Him to be glorified in it?"

A Night on the Red Carpet.

2011-04-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

Talbot Spring Banquet was so much fun last night!

I honestly wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did, because of the busyness of all the preparations- but it was a really great night full of celebration. It was so much fun seeing everyone dressed up in their nice attire, all dolled up and being able to celebrate what God has done this past year at Talbot. The decor, performances, and awards made it a night to remember. I am so thankful for all who volunteered and contributed to making this night spectacular.

Again, I remember why I love our A.S. team so much. I'm astounded and thankful by the gifts each one has, and how they all contribute to making the night such a special evening.

Juan: the head mastermind and taskmaster: a visionary eye + understanding logistical details = amazing event planner. Harry Potter would totally be jealous of those awesome search lights.
Josh C. and Feiser: emcees/actors/comedians - their wit and humor with improv abilities -writing and acting out the Talbot Family Sculpture - brought much laughter and a cohesion to the whole night.
Josh M.: performer/visionary for the dance - a great opening act with Gail Neal of "Be Our Guest" brought a grand opening of huge momentum that started the evening which kept on going. The dance was also a beautiful picture of the freedom we have in the Holy Spirit.
Angela : decorating artist - her eye for aesthetics shone through with the magnificence of Sycamore Lawn. breathtaking.
Mel and Jamie: the flower girls - arranging all the floral centerpieces was hard work and they turned out so beautiful and elegant.
Toby: the T-man - building giant T's and mounting them shows the manliness and servanthood of this dude. We were also blessed by the worship set of two songs- left us wanting for more time to praise our Lord in community.
And I realized that even though it was stressful, I actually enjoyed doing the place cards and organizing tables and taking care of these kinds of behind-the-scene logistics. Or maybe I just enjoyed the company that I had in the office, working with A.S. peeps. Tedious admin work is so much better when you're doing it with people.

This team gives me a picture of what it looks like to be a part of God's family, each one using and operating out of their gifts, and working together to accomplish a mission. They have cared for me and encouraged me in so many ways this past year, and I am so blessed by each one of them. They remind me of how God's worked in my life in great ways this year and encourage me in the ways I've grown. Even just remembering the first large event this past year at Much Ado About Autumn, where I was so stressed out and wanted to retreat, last night was so different from that time. Last night was a night which I thoroughly enjoyed - even cleaning up afterwards and just sitting in the office with the team for a little time to reflect and relax before we headed home. I'm thankful that my team didn't leave me in that broken place where I was at the beginning of this year, and how they've held me and supported me, until now - where I feel more stability. They have been such a gift to me. I am thankful.

This night gives me another evidence that we weren't made to be lone-rangers and that we were meant to live in community.

"We are family."

Forever Reign

2011-04-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

Pictures from Talbot's Night of Prayer, courtesy of Wade Chan....(Feiser gets holy points for this picture...haha)

New fav. song after singing it at Talbot's Night of Prayer, Worship, and Intercession last March 11.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc

Forever Reign by Hillsong

You are good, You are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love, You are love

On display for all to see

You are light, You are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true

Ever in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life

In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign.

You are more, You are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to Your arms

I'm running to Your arms

The riches of Your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world, forever reign.

My heart will sing, no other name

Jesus, Jesus

My heart will sing, no other name

Jesus, Jesus

In the Father's Embrace.

2011-03-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

This has been a powerful painting for me:

painting title: In the Father's Embrace

http://councell.net
© Ruth Tietjen Councell
Updated 13 August 2009

i wrote a song a few weeks ago. these are the lyrics:

Tears fall like rain, running down my windowpane

They flow from eyes, like clouds full of sighs

They sound, they sound, like never-ending footsteps on the ground

I let go, I let go, of the dreams that I held dearly

Even though I don’t see clearly,

Because I don’t know if you will ever be mine.

But I trust the One who knows what’s best for us.

And I know He’s good and loves us both so much.

And His arms are holding us through the night

And His strength is pulling us through the fight.

So I say, I say, Goodbye.

I’m laying you down

I’m laying us down

At His feet.

Twenty-Four.

2011-03-21T23:32:00.000-07:00

The Switchfoot song, "Twenty-Four" comes to mind as I celebrate twenty-four years of life today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6rHbv7H5AA&playnext=1&list=PL32612EBB6EB29D3B

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising these...

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh
I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh
I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me
Yeah

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
I'm not copping out
Not copping out

The Solid Rock by Edward Mote

2011-03-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

I love hymns, and the stories behind hymns...came across the story behind "The Solid Rock."

I like the images that this song depicts of Christ as the solid Rock and as the Anchor.

(This is a picture of Agios Stefanos: a famous monastery on top of the grey rocks of Meteora, Greece)

http://articles.ochristian.com/article6027.shtml

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
- Refrain:
  On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
  All other ground is sinking sand,
  All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

I am struck by the original lyrics of this song and of the two stanzas that are usually omitted:

" The "Solid Rock" text was written in 1834, and Mote titled it, "The Gracious Experience of a Christian." The completed hymn text originally consisted of six stanzas. Expressions from portions of these two omitted verses are interesting to observe:

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness;

'Midst all the hell I feel within, on His completed work I lean.

I trust His righteous character, His council, promise, and His power;

His honor and His name's at stake, to save me from the burning lake."

After Watching 127 Hours.

2011-03-12T23:33:00.000-08:00

I just came home from watching 127 Hours at the dollar theater with my roommate, Maling. I really liked it amidst the gruesome parts- not just for the picturesque landscapes, amazing cinematography and soundtrack, and my fellow Bruin Class of 2008 grad, James Franco, but also for the story of human resiliency. It's quite amazing to see what determination, endurance, and strength Aron Ralston displays in order to survive being stuck in a canyon for 127 hours. Gives so much hope.

I think I've become more fascinated with movies without very much dialogue such as 127 hours, Wall-E, or Cast Away, and how these movies can captivate the audience's attention and emotions even without many words. It's ironic that I want to be a writer, and yet I'm learning more about the value of wordlessness. Images and music have been so powerful for me recently, especially in my prayer times with the Lord. There are times when I'm so tired, I don't really have words, or there are just no words that can express the things in my heart. Sometimes songs or pictures come to mind which have been helpful in expression. I guess that's why there's the cliche saying that "A Picture is worth a 1000 words." and as Victor Hugo said,“Music expresses that which can not be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.”

I'm looking forward to seeing Explosions in the Sky in concert with my brother because they are an amazing instrumental band.

The Story Behind "How He Loves Us"

2011-03-04T00:49:00.001-08:00

The story behind this song just makes me love this song even more:

http://vimeo.com/10868953

I am starting to really like John Mark McMillan's album the The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down. Too bad they don't sell this album anymore :(

I want to see this guy play live...

On that note, I saw Charlie Hall play at Biola last Sunday. Good study break from reading for Historical Theology with Wade and Andrew :)

And he played "Marvelous Light." It was great.

Being One of Many.

2011-02-25T11:00:00.001-08:00

My friend, Yen, sent this article to me today:

Asian American Teenage Girls Have Highest Rates of Depression; NAMI Releases Report

When I read this article, it made me sad, but I wasn't surprised. I think I've heard these statistics before, and unfortunately, it makes sense to me. Asian-American teenage girls have great pressures to succeed and to hide the reality of their struggles from others, and when we hide, we can't get help, so the struggle worsens. Living in a bi-cultural reality, it's hard to navigate between two, sometimes seemingly, diametrically-opposed cultures. Putting on faces of looking put together on the outside, it's easy to hide the reality of the deadness that is felt inside. It makes alot of sense to me why this statistic is so high - probably because I am one of them.

I am one of these Asian-American girls who has excelled in school and in many other areas of life, who knows how to please people, and knows how to put on an exterior of looking put together on the outside.

I've struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide, and no one would've ever guessed it.

It's easy to hide under my smiling face.

The Lord is good to me, in providing a good community around me to love on me, and to be real with. I am thankful for my sisters and brothers who I can share my struggle with and know that I am loved, and know that I am held. I am thankful that there are people around me who will fight this battle with me - that I am not alone. And as they remind me of who I am in Christ - that I can find freedom in Him, I feel the bondage being broken. I know there is power in Christ's victory, because I have experienced victory over these thoughts by His grace. I am so grateful for my friends who have walked with me through the struggle and pain, who have prayed for me, who have held me. And I believe that a large reason why I am growing in this freedom in Christ is because of this safe community who loves me through it.

So why do I share this on a public forum? Because I'm realizing that God has shown me His love, grace, and freedom in so many ways, and that I want to help others along this journey towards freedom. I want others who struggle with this know that they are not alone in it, that I am one who struggles with you. I want others to see that there is freedom and hope in Christ, especially in times when it feels so hopeless. There is always hope.

Gazing on Beauty.

2011-02-20T19:44:00.000-08:00

"Gazing on Beauty" was the theme of our women's retreat this past weekend. It truly was an amazing weekend full of beauty and loveliness. From the beautiful location of Hilltop with the snow, delicious food, good conversations as we listened to each other's stories, and sweet fellowship with the sisters - praising God and seeing His goodness in nature and in each other, and praying for one another, playing in the snow; and spending sweet, quiet moments with the Lord - it was so refreshing. I love my sisters at Talbot. They are amazing, godly women who help me see how great God is, the depth of Jesus' love for me, and are so sensitive to His Spirit - reminding me of the truth of who I am as a daughter of the King, a child of my Abba, carrying me through hard times.

I read Out of Solitude by Henry Nouwen while I was there. I really love that guy. Here is a quote that I really liked from that book:

"To wait patiently, therefore, means to allow our weeping and wailing to become the purifying preparation by which we are made ready to receive the joy which is promised to us."

The waiting is hard - but without the pain of the waiting, we couldn't experience the depth of joy that awaits us. So all the pain is worth it, because even in the pain, the Lord meets me there with His comfort and love, and I find so much joy as I know that He is holding me and giving me hope.

I got accepted into the Institute of Spiritual Formation at Talbot this semester. Although I am excited about the journey that awaits me, I also am nervous of the intensity of this program. I also sometimes wonder what I'm doing pursuing another master's degree - because I know this will be more time, money, and energy. This weekend was God's grace to me in showing me that I am in the right place, on the right track, and that the work of His Spirit in my life and others' lives is exciting - and I will get to see the great way His Spirit works in me and in other people's lives through this program. I know that He will provide for me.

The Comfort of a Clean Room.

2011-02-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

I finally cleaned my room today. After coming home from the Philippines, my room has been a mess of luggage and pasalubong everywhere. I am thankful to be home. Traveling around the Philippines has made me realize how much of a homebody I am and how I love just being inside the comfort of my apartment. It's been busy since coming back with the start of school - with classes and A.S. events, and now a part-time job with Graduate Admissions at Biola. I really do live at Biola - spending all the time I do on campus. But I really do love it there. It's a great place and I always feel a sense of peace when I walk around campus and look at the tree blossoms which are blooming, ushering in a sense that spring is near...I took the above picture with my camera phone near the Talbot building because I saw it and thought

it was pretty...haha

And I love the people at Biola - the whole community of students, faculty, and staff are amazing - so many godly people. They give me hope :)

Here is a picture from my Romans class last semester with me and Dr. Russell (courtesy of Michael Park)...I think that has been my favorite class so far...(probably because I felt so much joy that I wanted to dance while writing my Romans 8 paper)

Because I'm on campus all the time, when I do get to go home to my apartment, it is such a great comfort. I love being home. And I love my roommates :)

There is something comforting about a clean and organized room to me- where things are in their place, and there is a sense of order instead of chaos. Perhaps, even through cleaning, in creating a sense of order, we are imitating an attribute of God as He is a God of order. He is stable and unchanging, bringing a sense of calm, peace, and security. He made the world and created order out of nothing. He brings order and peace to my often wavering and chaotic heart.

I am thankful for the peace He gives, and even in the busyness, I know that He gives me His shalom.

In the Motherland Again.

2011-01-22T00:09:00.000-08:00

It's always nice going to the Philippines - spending time with my family, eating the delicious food, seeing the different sites, experiencing the slow, relaxed pace of provincial life, watching the farm animals in our backyard, enjoying the papayas and bananas from our trees in the backyard, looking at the beautiful ceiling of our "Filipino White House," watching the children play in the middle of the street, riding jipneys and tricycles, pondering under a coconut tree, singing and dancing, seeing the rainforest and jungles and mountains and rice plantations, and bahay kubos, eating with my hands, shopping at the megamalls for clothes and shoes that actually fit me, experiencing the richness and depth and variety of culture here...

it's masaya.

a nice bakasyon. a good break from studying.

but there's no place like home...and i think the more time i spend here, the more i realize that the U.S. is my home.

On Discipline.

2010-12-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

(Photo courtesy of Wade Chan)

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

Often times, I don't always see the good that is in the world or in people or even in myself. I'm so focused on the broken parts, that it's hard to see the good parts. Yet, as I enter into this new era of grace in my life - learning how to be more patient with myself and others of being in process, I'm learning to see the blessings that God has given me - the good parts of myself and others. I am thankful for the ways that my parents raised me to be hard-working and disciplined growing up as a child. I studied hard and learned how to manage my time at a young age - and developed a love for reading and learning. My parents instilled in me a value for education and the value of pursuing higher education - and for this I am thankful. I think that's why I'm the nerd that I am and why I love studying, learning, and reading. (It's honestly ironic that I write this post in the middle of finals week, where I am losing motivation to really do anything, but I guess this is why I need to write it.) Since I played piano and violin, and was highly involved in church - I had to learn to not waste time and value every second of it in high school. I think this is the reason why I might not struggle as much in school as others around me, even in graduate school - and for this I am thankful and know that it is an evidence of God's grace in my life. I know He is the One who empowers me to study, and has given me this passion for learning and for education.

After studying the Pastoral Epistles this past semester and seeing how much Paul encourages Timothy to be disciplined - like a soldier, an athlete, or a hard-working farmer (2 Timothy 2) - to be disciplined towards godliness, I am reaping the fruits of the habits of discipline that I have developed even at a young age. Even at a young age, I know that God was working in my life to help me pursue this virtue of discipline. Even if I didn't know it, the Holy Spirit was there, helping me as a young high school student who wanted to pursue excellence. I did have a genuine desire to pursue excellence for God and to make the most out of the opportunity that my parents had given me - being a second generation Filipino-American - and perhaps, this is what motivates me to continue studying, even during finals - when I feel tired and weary, and the 18 years of studying without taking a break is finally catching up to me. In these times, I remember God's grace to me in the past, the privilege He has given me to even be able to study something I love - Him and His Word, and the hope to the future of going deeper in the depths of the knowledge of God and helping others see and savor Him more and more by eventually teaching at the university or seminary level...

So I press on...

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

The other day, I went to my classmates' church, and it was truly a joy seeing the guys who I study with actively ministering to others in their churches. It's just so strange and interesting to see these guys who are just normal dudes in my classes as pastors and teachers, and leaders of churches. It truly is a privilege to be studying with them, and seeing how God is using them for His Kingdom work and His glory. Now as I look around and see my classmates, I see not only them, but also the group of people they minister to - and as each one is being equipped during this time in seminary - they are also representing a group who they will be equipping, and then those others who that group will be equipping...this is really exciting to me...

I believe God is going to do powerful things in this generation and the next generation...

I can feel it coming...

My friend Eui is going to IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City because she really has a passion to pray for the churches, especially in this area. As I've been visiting different churches with her, I feel led to do the same - to really pray for the my fellow classmates' ministries and churches because I know God is going to great things in this generation...I am so excited!

Whoooooooooo!

So if you would like prayer for you or your ministry, let me know, I'd love to pray for you :)

Please pray for me too. I need prayers to get through this week (since my own motivation is dying...I know I need some supernatural motivation) :)

A New Era of Grace.

2010-12-10T21:45:00.000-08:00

(Photo courtesy of Eufemio Magsombol, Jr.)

I feel like a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

It is freeing :)

Spreading my wings...and flying high...

I think I have entered into a new era of GRACE.

That phrase can be taken in so many ways...

Yay for freedom in Christ!

Thank you for your prayers :)

I thank God for you...

2010-11-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

(A.S. family picture from our planning retreat)

"I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers"

Ephesians 1:16

As I reflect on the many things I'm thankful for during this Thanksgiving weekend, I think of one of the greatest things I am thankful for - the amazing community of friends that God has given me. I am thankful for friends who know me and love me - who have seen the good and the bad in me, and still love me. I am thankful for friends who draw me out - who don't take my surface answers when they ask "How are you doing?" and seek out how I'm really doing. I'm thankful for friends who hold me when I'm broken and hopeless, crying my eyes out. I'm thankful for friends who sit with me and come alongside of me, who don't try to fix me, who aren't surprised by me - but love me in my brokenness and show me God's presence - that the intensity of my emotions, my sin, my failures, my fears, my insecurities, my pain don't separate me from God's love.

As Henry Nouwen says in the book In the Name of Jesus:

"We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God."

Thanks for being a vessel of God's love to me.

Machines Ran Away with My Heart.

2010-11-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

(Photo courtesy of julosstock from sxc.hu)

I wish I were a machine,

Then I wouldn't have to feel

The loss, the hurt, the pain.

The guilt, the sadness, the shame.

I wouldn't have to look

At the dark places from where they came.

I wouldn't have to spend time and energy

To tend to the broken parts of me.

I could just go, work, and do.

Efficiency 100% times 2.

Logic rules-

Feelings subdued.

Just keep moving,

Just keep busy.

Just keep doing.

I wouldn't have to try to hide -

The feeling of deadness inside.

But then I wouldn't feel

The comfort, the care, the unconditional love

Of the Father's hands who hold me.

Of my Savior, of the descending Dove.

I wouldn't feel the joy of His presence

His delight, His favor, His grace,

His compassion, His mercy, His strength

To endure and run this race.

So I sit, I cry, I scream, I yell-

Because this is the closest I'll ever get to the depths of hell,

And You are still there.

On Courage.

2010-11-12T22:37:00.001-08:00

Courage.

It's a word I've been hearing alot lately and thinking about lately. What is courage?

Wikipedia defines it as:

"Courage, bravery, fortitude, will, and intrepidity, is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition,shame, scandal, or discouragement."

I often think of courage in people such as a firefighter going into a burning building to save people, or a military man fighting for our country to protect the lives of civilians, or a performer performing in front of an audience of thousands.

I don't often think of myself having very much courage, but it's been a word that other people have given to me to describe my journey of confronting the brokenness of myself and allowing others to see me in this brokenness. I know this must be the Spirit working in my life, and a sign of God's grace in me. It is encouraging to hear because I often times focus on the bad in me, that it's hard to see the good.

I really wish I had everything all together - but at the end of the day, it's in the brokenness and pain that God meets me because as Jesus said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17). And if I had everything all together, there would be no need of Christ's love. Yet, as I face my own demons, I also see the depths of God's love for me. And so, I experience the reality of Paul's prayer for the Ephesians as I experience the depths of God's love for me:

"so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19)

I remember the summer before I started seminary, God kept on bringing to mind the verse, Joshua 1:9:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

And then I remember Rob, telling me that this verse repeatedly came to mind as he thought of me in Spiritual Mentoring Group, during my second semester at Talbot. So here it is again, and again I am reminded that even now, God is with me - that I can be strong and courageous - even as I face my fears, I can take courage in the fact that God is always with me.

Now as I think about courage, I see how courage is around me much more than I realize. I think about the courage of my parents - how they left their homeland of the Philippines, to come to America to make a better life for themselves and their families. Rising up from poverty, they worked hard and excelled in school so that they could provide things for me and my brother the things that they never had growing up. I think of the courage of my dad, coming to America alone - moving to a foreign land full of strangers with no family with him. I think of the courage of my mom, converting to Protestantism even though most of her family was devoutly Roman Catholic. I think of the courage of my parents, moving to a predominantly Caucasian suburb, so that my brother and I would have the comforts of the American upper-middle class. I think of their courage as they worked long and hard hours to send us to a private Christian school, and provide opportunities for us that they never ever had - like enrolling me in piano and violin lessons. I think of their courage as they sought to raise us with good morals and Christian values. I think of the courage my parents have had in hardship as they've both had to mourn the loss of their parents and some of their siblings.

In many ways, they have been great examples for me of courage. And in a sense, perhaps, this is a virtue that I have gleaned from them over the years.

I often don't think much about or thank my parents for the way they raised me. But I am thankful.

And looking back at my childhood - seeing both the good and broken parts doesn't negate either one. Just because I notice the performance-driven patterns in my life in the need to the achieve or gain others' approval, and perhaps work too much, doesn't negate the fact that my parents also demonstrated a great amount of courage and fortitude, in which I have learned from them. Understanding my childhood and looking back at the good times and the painful times, doesn't negate God's goodness or mean that I am ungrateful, but I think it just shows how God's grace and goodness have been in my life and how God uses both the good and broken parts for His glory. His power is truly made perfect in our weaknesses.

I love, love, love...

2010-10-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

I currently love, love, love this song:

"Beautiful Things" by Gungor

(thanks to Toby for sharing it in the AS office)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

I love, love, love experiencing the Psalms:

"Those who sow in tears, will reap with shouts of joy. Though one goes along weeping, carrying the bag of seed, he will surely come back with shouts of joy, carrying his sheaves." Psalm 126:5-6

I am experiencing this verse - as I face the hard realities of pain and suffering, I also feel an immense joy as God shows me His love and faithfulness in the midst of my brokenness. I am thankful for His truth and that He is the only One who truly knows all the depths of me, and still loves all of me. He knows me better than I even know myself, and loves me so deeply. I am so thankful for this.

I love, love, love studying and thinking about Romans 8:

(Lauren and I jumping in Jerusalem)

I wrote a paper on Romans 8:1-11 this past week and it was pretty amazing. I got so excited in the middle of writing it, that I started dancing in my dining room. I haven't felt this happy in a really long time, so I am so thankful that God is restoring His joy in me.

¹There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.²For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. ³For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. ⁵For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. ⁶For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. ⁸Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

⁹You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. ¹⁰But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. ¹¹If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

The reason why I get so excited studying this passage is because I the truth that there is freedom in Christ and the Spirit is so exciting for me. When I often feel condemned, the truth that I am not condemned in Christ because He has condemned sin in the flesh for us is so freeing! When I feel hopeless and weak, it is exciting to know that the Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in me! There is so much power in the Spirit - there is so much hope for growth and transformation in the Spirit! This is exciting!

I love, love, love this book:

"The Good and Beautiful God" by James Bryan Smith

Quotes from Chapter 4 on "God is Generous."

"The sun gratuitously rises and warms our planet and, along with the unmerited rain, nourishes the land, yielding delicious fruits and grains. It is all manna, the unearned provision of a lavish and loving God. We have never been and will never be in a place where we can turn to God and say, "You owe me. I deserve this." We do not deserve anything we have been given. We have earned nothing. Yet God continues to give. That is because God is not interested in what we can do for God. God is interested in something much more important than our good works....God wants you to know and to love him." (85-86)

"The greatest honor we can give to God is to live gladly because of the knowledge of His love."

"What God most wants is to see you smile because you know how much God loves you."

~Julian of Norwich (86)

I think I've already mentioned this in an earlier blog post. But wow, the truths in this book - so simple, yet so powerful. Things I have known in my head, but now I feel like they are actually connecting to my heart - God is so good and beautiful, generous, and trustworthy - I am learning how to believe not just with my head, but also with my heart. For one who is innately a legalist at heart, one who tries to earn God's love and approval and the love and approval of others, it is so amazing to experience the unconditional love that God has given me in Christ, that I don't have to work for His love. It makes me so happy. I feel so loved by God.

Rainy Days are for Wearing Argyle Sweaters and Boots.

2010-10-19T18:32:00.001-07:00

(Photo by Amber S. Wallace, NC from www.sxc.hu)

Today, I enjoyed the rain. I don't always like the rain, but I think because I was prepared for the elements after buying a new pair of stylish water-resistant boots, a warm argyle sweater, and a black-and-white floral umbrella yesterday from Target, I enjoyed the rain today.

Yesterday, I realized that my sneakers do not keep my feet dry in the rain - and I absolutely hate the feeling of walking around in wet socks all day. I remember one day when we were walking around in Jerusalem and it rained - and I was wearing a pair of 5-year-old brown-and-white sneakers with holes in them. My socks got wet early in the morning when I stepped in a puddle and I had to walk around all day with wet socks. I remember finally coming back to our hotel, and we had a couple of hours to chill and wander before dinner. I was exhausted and ready to take a nap. Lauren and I were chilling in our room - and then James, Eufemio, and Jo came to convince us to go walk around Old Jerusalem with them. I was so tired, but then I put on dry socks - and BOOM! - it was like drinking a Red Bull - I was energized and in such better spirits. (Perhaps I should title this post "Dry Socks Gives Me Wings." haha) That was the day we spent an hour in a t-shirt shop and bought our "Shalom Y'all" shirts. I think that night of hanging out with the Shalom Y'all crew was one of my favorite times in Israel. I'm glad I put on those dry socks. It's funny how a change in something so small can influence so much.

(Photo by Eufemio Magsombol from eufemio.zenfolio.com)

So I guess this is something God is teaching me...change doesn't happen overnight, but in steps, even if they are baby steps (haha, now I'm thinking about the movie "What About Bob?")...and that He is holding my hand each step of the way....even in the places where I have to face my fears and my tears. God is good, gentle, and patient with me, even when I am impatient with myself. I am thankful for this.

I am currently reading "The Good and Beautiful God: Falling In Love with the God Jesus Knows" by James Bryan Smith for my Theology class. It is a great book - I highly recommend it. It focuses on how Jesus views God and then has Spiritual Formation Exercises so that the knowledge of who God is doesn't just become head knowledge, but will truly sink deep into the soul. I just read the chapter on how "God is Trustworthy" and the spiritual formation exercise is to count our blessings and praise God for the good gifts He provides....to help us see that He is good and trustworthy. This is something that my Spiritual Director encouraged me to do last semester, but I never really did it...but now as I realize how much I need to internalize this truth, I think this is something I need to start doing more often:

So today's blessings are:

~rain

~boots

~celebrating wearing boots and our femininity with my roommates and the A.S. ladies.

~argyle sweaters

~umbrellas

~being refreshed by worshiping God through music and being reminded that Jesus is risen with other students at chapel

~enjoying food and fellowship with other Talbot students at donut chapel

~Krispy Kreme donuts

~Panera bagels

~Albertson's fried chicken and potato wedges

~A.S. staff meeting - I really love our A.S. team!

~hanging out and having a sleepy day in the A.S. office

~walking around the neighborhood of my apartment and splashing in puddles at the park and having dry socks through it all!

~seeing birds flying in the trees even in the rain

~Wonton soup perfect for cold weather

~free music downloads from Come and Live! - Currently listening to "Lesser Men " by Abel

~blogging and enjoying the quiet, solitude, and reflection in my apartment

There are many things to be thankful for.

Women and Men in Ministry

2010-10-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

Just finished reading Women and Men in Ministry: A Complementary Perspective by Robert L. Saucy and Judith K. TenElshof (2 Talbot profs) for my Pastoral Epistles class. I really liked it.

They provide really good Scriptural, theological, psychological, and cultural support for how there is a created order with the headship of man, yet there is also great value and need of the women's voice in the church.

I think I agree with their perspective, but now figuring out how that practically looks like for me is another story...

I want to work with college students in a ministry setting - whether that be campus ministry and/or -perhaps, eventually becoming a professor, so I'm trying to figure out where I fit in the whole scheme of things - how to utilize the ways God has gifted me for His glory in the ways He wants me to use them.

Healing Begins

2010-09-26T21:32:00.001-07:00

It hurts coming out of hiding, but I am thankful for God's great love and healing...I am finding freedom...

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFUHrXfuNU4

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

More Pretty Places.

2010-07-27T22:57:00.001-07:00

Backyard.

Oxnard, CA.

Pretty Places Make Me Happy :)

2010-07-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

Grand Canyon June 2010.

No, no, nothing can ever separate us.

2010-07-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

I've been camped out in Romans 8 alot recently because I love the truth of this chapter from start to finish reminding me that I am no longer under condemnation through Christ - that I am free in Him - that the Spirit helps me in my weakness - and that nothing can separate me from God's love.

"Who then shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
~Romans 8:35-39

I have to constantly remind myself of these truths so that my introspective nature doesn't lead me to a downward spiral of despair. I am thankful that God holds me and that He reminds me of His unchanging love.

Came across this song by Hillsong called Desert Song. It's a great song and there's also an incredible story behind it.

On Perfectionism.

2010-07-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

I was re-reading Writing with Style: Conversations on the Art of Writing by John R. Trimble (which is an excellent book on writing!)to help a kid I tutor with writing and came across this witty quote. I feel like this can be true not only in writing, but also in life in general:

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a sh****y first draft. Perfectionism will ruin your writing, blocking inventiveness and playfulness and life force (these are words we are allowed to use in California). Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground-- you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it's going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move."

~Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

Came across this blog on Recovering Perfectionists: quite funny since I can totally relate.

Grace. Confidence. Courage.

2010-07-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Another quote from the Of First Importance blog: Wow, I love that blog. Such gospel gems.

"Grace dismantles your confidence in you, while it gives you more hope and courage than you have ever had."

~Paul David Tripp, Twitter post

After being in a season of sitting in my brokeness, things are starting to look brighter. God is showing me His grace and how He is working in me even in the brokenness and pain. I am thankful for His love and how He shows it to me in tangible ways - through the loving support of community who are sources of grace and truth in my life, through reminders in nature, through His unchanging Truth and character, through the goodness of the Gospel - that I am fully loved and accepted by God because of Jesus' work on the cross. I feel very loved and held by God even in the hard times. I am thankful that God's love is constant and unchanging, and that He holds me through everything, even though my love for Him changes. I am saved by His grace alone, and not by anything that I have done. I am thankful so much that I am surrounded by His sea of grace and that nothing can separate me from His love.

I am very thankful for Spiritual Direction and the ways that I am encouraged in seeing God working in everything. I encourage everyone to take advantage of Spiritual Direction if you ever have the opportunity. It has been so beneficial to me and in my relationship with God.
Learn more about it here: Metamorpha.com. They have a list of Spiritual Directors that are available for Spiritual Direction.
If you are a Biola student, the Institute of Spiritual Formation offers Spiritual Direction.

It has been so helpful to me that it makes me think that I might pursue a second M.A. in Spiritual Formation....

Oh, I'm going to be in school forever...haha.

The Essence of Holiness.

2010-07-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

Read this on the Of First Importance blog today:

"You will cleanse no sin from your life that you have not first recognized as being pardoned through the cross. This is because holiness starts in the heart. The essence of holiness is not new behavior, activity, or disciplines. Holiness is new affections, new desires, and new motives that then lead to new behavior. If you don't see your sin as completely pardoned, then your affections, desires, and motives will be wrong. You will aim to prove yourself. Your focus will be the consequences of your sin rather than hating the sin and desiring God in its place."

~Tim Chester in You Can Change

If You Want Me To

2010-06-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

I like this song because it talks about the path of brokeness and suffering that we face in this life.

If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was when I first took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire if You want me to

It may not have been the way I have chosen
When You lead me through a world that is not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness if You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if You want me to

Hope after Destruction.

2010-06-19T23:08:00.001-07:00

Today I went to Deukmeijian Wilderness Park's grand re-opening. This is the park that is across the street from me. I grew up hiking these mountains which were ravaged by the fire last September. They were charred and black this past winter.

But today, I saw the hope of spring and summer as I the different types of plants growing back over the charred areas. Some plants actually only can grow because of the fire and the new constitution of the soil. It's comforting to see new life spring out of a place of deep devastation and destruction. I see hope and I am thankful that God gives me these tangible illustrations of hope. He is truly an amazing Creator and I am thankful that He is with me.

There is a really cool art exhibition from June 19 to July 24 in Glendale called ART from the ashes where many local artists collaborated to make art from salvaged materials from the fire site to provide a cathartic avenue for victims of the fire through art. All proceeds go to the restoration of Deukmeijian Wilderness Park. Check it out.

Oh How He Loves Us!

2010-05-27T18:05:00.001-07:00

In the middle of crazy finals studying, God shows me glimpses of His love.
Lyndsey sent me this song this past week and I was very blessed by it (Thanks Lyndsey! I <3 you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps&feature=player_embedded

How He Loves

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us, so
Oh how he loves us, how he loves us so

We are his portion and he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So, heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves

Ready to Receive?

2010-04-15T23:40:00.001-07:00

An article that I submitted to The Steadfast, Talbot's newsletter:

"To give is better than to receive," is a statement our mothers taught us growing up so that we would be good, generous people. It is a true statement, but at the same time, there is a place for receiving. Being in the Holy Land was a powerful experience, and I will take all of the sights and sounds of Israel with me for life. Yet, the most memorable experience of the trip for me was the lesson of receiving.

A few days before the end of the trip, along with many others in our group, I came down with the stomach flu. During this time, I had to depend on others to care for me. My roommate got me water, crackers, bread -- all the essentials for someone on a limited diet due to the stomach flu. She even did my last-minute souvenir shopping. People checked up on me, took pictures and videos for me, gave me massages, encouraged and prayed for me. I was greatly blessed by the love I felt by the members of our group while I was sick, and realized that this is what it means for the body of Christ to function as the family of God.

Thankfully, the resort we stayed at in En Gev was situated right along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, so I was able to enjoy the beautiful view from my bedroom window. Lying there looking at the Sea of Galilee, I meditated on how Jesus came not for the well, but for the sick. Then I realized how I am that sick person who needs healing -- not only physically, but spiritually. God showed me how I don't have it all together -- how I'm broken and wounded, and how much I need His healing. I used to think that with going into ministry I was on this super-spiritual level, having the whole "I have to save the world" syndrome. However, God showed me that it's not even about me saving people. I need Him just as much as that rowdy kid who never stops talking during a Bible study. I need Christ as much as that man on the street, pushing his grocery cart filled with all his earthly possessions, sleeping on the stairs of my church. I need Jesus as much as that Haitian orphan, who has no home, no family, no place to go. I need God just as much as that adamant atheist who mocks my faith when I try to share with him the best news ever. I need Him as much as that tyrant dictator who has killed so many innocent people.

The essence of the Gospel message is receiving. We must realize that we can't do anything to earn God's love and forgiveness, and simply be open to receiving the free gift He's already given us through Christ's sacrifice. As others cared for me in Israel, this Gospel truth came to life for me in tangible ways. I want this essential truth to be the center of my life. Sadly, in ministry this basic truth can get pushed aside as I try to do things in my own strength instead of seeing how God's grace is made perfect in my weakness. It's in this very place of weakness that effective ministry takes place. We're all broken people, in need of a Savior. Ministry is about coming alongside others, as we look to the One who ultimately heals our brokeness.

5 Years is a Long Time

2010-04-03T11:15:00.001-07:00

"5 years is a long time."

~A quote from Nancy's and my quotebook from 3rd year of college...

I was looking through all my albums on facebook today. It's true that a picture is worth a 1000 words. It's amazing how powerful pictures are and how much it can capture. As I reflect on the past 5 years, I am amazed at God's faithfulness to me through it all. Where was I 5 years ago? I was still a senior in high school, getting ready to graduate, excited for the adventure of UCLA that awaited me.

In this 5 year time span I have: Graduated high school. Graduated college. Started seminary. Travelled to 12 countries. Became a choir director and youth worker at church.

It's pretty crazy to see God's hand throughout my life: changing my direction, from doing my own will to following His will...changing my heart: breaking me free from bondage...helping me enjoy Him supremely. It's encouraging to me to see His faithfulness to me despite my lack of faith so many times, and it's encouraging to me to see how He's grown me through these years - because I often get frustrated at myself for not being "fully sanctified" now. But it's true - we are all in process, and I am in process.

I've seen family and friends graduate from high school, graduate from college, move to different countries, go to grad school, get married, have kids, watch their kids grow older. It's interesting to see how much can change in 5 years or even in 1 year or even in 1 day.

The thing that I realized throughout this whole reflection is how God has brought amazing people in my life to walk alongside of me through this journey - to love me, encourage me, help me, teach me, laugh with me, cry with me. I have learned so much from the community He has given me about His love and grace, and I know I would not be the person I am today without all of you. I am so thankful for my friends who have become my family as we are all one in Christ. I am thankful for y'all, dear friends.

And now, as I look forward to the next 5 years and the new adventures God has in store for me, I await eagerly and expectantly...trusting in His faithfulness...and even though I don't know where the road will take me, I'll take one step at a time as I surrender my will to His perfect plan.

Happy Resurrection Weekend! Let's celebrate our Risen Savior and Lord! woot! partay!

Recording Sesh.

2010-03-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

Had a good recording Sesh last Monday with "Team Glasses" now changing our name to "C is for Cookie." Recorded the song I wrote, "Terraces Will Be Destroyed." We laid down the guitar tracks and the vocal tracks. We still have to add drums and bass. I'll post it once we're done.

If you want to know where I got the name, "Terraces Will Be Destroyed" from, watch this video. I got it from our tour guide at Neot Kedumim Biblical gardens when she was explaining the importance of agriculture in Israel.

I'm currently writing a blurb about Israel for The Steadfast, our school newsletter. I'm looking at pictures and videos from our trip, and it makes me miss Israel. It seems so long ago even though it was only two months ago. It happened so fast, it almost feels like a dream. I can't believe I was in the Holy Land. It still blows my mind. We're having a Talbot chapel dedicated to the Israel trip. I'm excited to remember, reminisce, and share about our trip with the student body and see the Talbot Lands Israel fam.

Guess Who?

2010-03-04T21:32:00.000-08:00

So I finally have a little bit of time to blog.

Wow, how is it already March?

This past month has been a whirlwind. So many things happened. And now I am tired.

A sweet highlight for the month: Heading up to Sac-town to visit Yen with Keo, Easter, and Jessica, and spending the weekend at a cabin up in Truckee. It was quite an adventure getting there, but I am so thankful that I got to spend time with those lovely ladies. So refreshing. Snow makes me happy.

I've been camped out in the book of Genesis lately in my Pentateuch class. Good stuff. Thought-provoking. Dysfunctional families everywhere. God's faithfulness everywhere. I actually wrote poems of different characters in the O.T. last semeseter - I actually intended these to be hardcore song lyrics. You can guess who these portraits are supposed to be from:

She dazzled me with her eyes
So bright they stung me.
With a door cracked open she bid me come
In a voice so sweet with her pomegranate lips.
Shut the door.
I will not go near.
Shut the door.
Don't bid me come.
Run to a safe place fom here.
Run away from her.
"Come lay with me."
She steps out and seals my lips with that fatal kiss.
Run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm a God-fearing man.
She grabs my coat.
Run. Flee.
I left my favorite jacket at her doorstep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You called me
Even when I was still in the womb.
This is my destiny -
To speak Your words
Because it consumes and burns
From the core of my being.
I have to speak,
or else it'll kill me if don't.
I loved her, but You didn't let me
marry the one who's beauty blinded me.
There's no time for this.
Soon the walls will come tumbling down.
Yes, the walls will come tumbling down.
The pieces of pottery cracked and broken.
The walls came tumbling down.
Judgment day has come.
It's the Day of the Lord.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fire and brimstone came down that day
Because they didn't turn from their wicked ways.
Perversion filled the streets
Worshipping false gods and eating idolatrous meat.
The scale tipped -
And judgment came.
Immorality is not a joke.
Take me away from this God-forsaken place.
I don't want to turn into a pillar of salt
Even if I want an occasional drink.

Songwriting Spree.

2010-02-09T01:32:00.000-08:00

So I'm currently on a songwriting spree before school gets too hectic:

I guess I've been inspired by alot lately - by Israel, and by evacuations...

so here's a song I wrote the week I came back from Israel:

Glory to God in the Highest

and I just wrote a song right now about being a stranger on this earth...

i'll upload the video sometime soon...

Hummingbird, So Small, I See You.

2010-02-08T13:25:00.000-08:00

So I wrote a song about hummingbirds...hahahah....yeah...i know many of you will probably laugh because I sure did...That's o.k. I don't really take anything too seriously...But I have to admit, I was completely sincere when I wrote this song...I was singing, "His Eye is on the Sparrow" and it made me want to write a song...I think just listening to it now makes me think, "Wow, I can't believe I wrote a song about hummingbirds and threw in some biological trivia in there that I got from wikipedia...hahahah." It's the T coming out of my INTJ self...as i analyze and make fun of myself for allowing myself to feel because i used to make fun of sappy chick flicks as my friends were bawling their eyes out...
but i'm learning how to feel as i understand God's love in greater ways and am overjoyed at His love for me. so it's a good thing- learning how to feel.
quite a change from "terraces will be destroyed." haha...but yeah i guess i'm multi-faceted like that...haha. i generally dislike showing my "feeling" side and try to put up my walls of sarcasm and laughter to show that i have a tough exterior...like singing songs about judgment day...but i guess this song reveals that i do have a heart...

It's funny how I wrote this right before I was evacuated again...making me realize how God cares for me even as I am a transient on this earth. I'm learning the hard way. Praise God, I'm now back at home, but will probably keep my stuff packed for awhile since I don't know when I'll be evacuated again.

here's the video:

there are the lyrics:

Hummingbird, so small, I see you
Reminding me that God's love is true
You fly so fast, I barely see the motion of your wings
A buzzing sound, it's the music that rings.

You fly so freely
In the sky, so dearly
You show me that I am free
Because God sent down His Son for me.
Hummingbird, so small, I see you.

Hummingbird, so small, I see you.
Drinking of the nectar for food,
You drink so much, consuming more than your weight each day.
Constantly going, God provides a way.

~I should probably thank Eufemio for letting me use his ideas for this song since I pretty much stole them...give credit where credit is due...thanks :)

Gotta Just Get Up and Dance!

2010-02-05T23:17:00.000-08:00

Today God reminded me of how much I love studying. I was reading "The Case for Progressive Dispenasationalism" by Robert Saucy for my theology class and as I came across the Hebrew words habarit wawhahesed meaning "the covenant of love" I got so excited and overjoyed that I just wanted to get up and dance. So I put some Israel Houghton on and just started dancing - basking in the reality that I am God's child - that I am loved by Him and as I study and dance, He sees me and smiles as a Father takes pleasure in watching His child live in the reality of His love. I know this is God's grace to me because last Monday I really had no desire to go back to school, since I've been so tired and burned out recently from studying so much. I realized that the reason why I was burned out is because I was trying to accomplish and strive in my own intellectual capability, taking pride in myself, instead of relying on the Spirit and just exercising the gifts God has given me. It's such a refreshing experience to have this joy once again, and I'm thankful that God breaks me and puts me together again.

a song I've been singing alot recently that I learned during a Junior High camp.
I feel like this sums up my seminary experience so far quite well:

Invitacion Fountain

Verse 1
All who are weak, all who are weary
Come to the rock, come to the fountain
All who have failed on the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea, come on be set free

Chorus
If you lead me Lord, I will follow
Where You lead me Lord, I will go
Come and heal me Lord, I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
I will go, I will go

Verse 2
All who are weak, all who are weary
Come to the rock, come to the fountain
All who have climbed on the mountains of heartache
Reach to the stars, come on give your life

Verse 3
All who are weak, all who are weary
All who are tired, all who are thirsty
All who have failed, all who are broken
Come to the rock, come to the fountain

Life Lessons from Israel.

2010-01-25T21:47:00.001-08:00

Praise God! My house is safe. The evacuation order was lifted a few days ago.
I'm also getting much better, and can now eat meat, which is exciting. Food is so good! I went to Disneyland today with my pastor's family and some friends, and it made me so happy. Now I'm just super tired - but hopefully this will help me finally sleep the whole night through, instead of waking up at 4 am because my body's clock is still off.

Yesterday, I was talking to Keo on the phone and processing with her helped me realize what important lessons I learned from Israel. More than just all the information that I acquired about archaeology or geography, I realized the lessons which I really will take with me were concerning my own brokenness and God's healing power. Sitting in the middle of the wilderness, I realized that in many ways I'm just like an Israelite - seeing God's power and provision time and time again, yet still lacking faith. As I lay on my bed near the Sea of Galilee when I was sick, I meditated on the fact that Jesus came for the sick, not for the healthy - and it was a humbling experience thinking about this while not being able to control my bowel movements. God broke me in many ways - helping me not to rely on my own physical strength, intellect, or academic ability. I experienced a range of emotions during this trip from extreme joy to extreme sadness and I learned what it means to be honest with God through all these emotions. So many lessons which I'll continue to learn through my lifetime.

Terraces Will Be Destroyed

2010-01-22T14:53:00.000-08:00

I recorded a video of the song I wrote, that I mentioned in an earlier post...
I wrote it the week before I left for Israel, but named it in Israel, called "Terraces Will Be Destroyed."
I posted it on facebook here...

Landslides Don't Wait for Anyone.

2010-01-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

It's weird to think that just last week, I was in Israel, and now I'm sitting in my brother's apartment, because I had to evacuate my house due to the potential threat of landslides. This has been the second evacuation I've had to undergo within a year - first with fires, now with landslides. It just makes me realize that there's no permanency in my earthly home. It's interesting because the night before they called me to evacuate I was worrying about the grade that I got in my Israel class - since I know I didn't do very well. Then there's this evacuation - reminding me there are bigger things to be worried about...

It's been a crazy week - being sick with the stomach flu, and then having to evacuate - what a crazy time of testing for me. I know God is refining me through this, but I can't deny the fear I feel. I already have a tendency to worry even without sickness or natural disaster looming over me, but with these things, my worry is intensified - and in these moments, the only thing I can do is cry out to God. I watched the first two Lord of the Rings movies to get my mind off of things - but I know I inevitably have to face these fears that I carry, especially during the times when I wake up in the middle of the night due to jet-lag.

Lauren gave me a mixtape of songs called "Sangalang's Singalong," which is amazing and I've been constantly listening to it. One of the reasons why we got along so well roomming together - she has a fabulous taste in music, movies, and clothing. There's one song in particular which I really like by Sufjan Stevens called, "Oh God, Where Are You Now?" and I can identify with right now...I was listening to it when I was passed out on my bed in Israel, especially the first day I was sick. You can watch it on You Tube - there are cool images that go along with the music...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqbAy_QVc8k

Here are the lyrics:

Oh God, hold me now.
Oh Lord, hold me now.
There's no other man who could raise the dead
So do what you can to anoint my head

Oh God, where are you now?
Oh Lord, say somehow
The devil is hard on my face again
The world is a hundred to one again

Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?

Oh God, hold me now.
Oh God, touch me now.
There's no other man who could save the dead.
There's no other God to place our head.

Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?

There's no other man who could raise the dead.
So do what you can to anoint my head.

Oh God, hold me now.
Oh Lord, touch me now.

I like this song because it makes me think of Habakkuk. I like Habakkuk.

There's No Place Like Home.

2010-01-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

It's good to be home.

I didn't have internet access for awhile so I wasn't able to update all the adventures, and the last few days I've been sick with the stomach flu. I've pretty much been lying in bed in close proximity to a restroom readily available. Praise God that I was able to get through the 16 hr. plane ride. I'm sad I missed out travelling the past few days and all the fun farewell festivities, but the trip was still great despite getting sick. I was looking at my pictures, and the trip was totally worth it.

I have so much to process, but right now, I'm still feeling pretty weak since I haven't really been eating much the past few days other than bread, crackers, and bananas. I'll probably be sleeping away the next week. Please keep me in your prayers, and call me just to make sure I'm still alive and kicking, since my parents are in the Philippines, and I'm home alone right now. Thanks friends.

Floating in the Dead Sea and Crawling into Qumran Caves

2010-01-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Yay for adventures! I love adventures :)

Yesterday, we hiked up Mt. Sinai (or more techincally, Jebel Musa, where Mt. Sinai is thought to be, but scholars are not quite sure). It was an intense hike, 7,500 ft. elevation - around 4,000 stairs, but it was so worth it being on that mountain where God descended to talk to Moses and give His law to His people. We came down, and it grew dark during our descent. I was walking with Susy and Eufemio, and Susy said to look up. The sky was so beautiful filled with bright-shining stars - it was the best sight of stars I've ever seen. So pretty and magnificent. While Eufemio was taking a picture, I started singing all the songs I knew with the word star in it - even "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." haha.

Today was an exciting day. We went up the mountain in Masada - I actually took a cable car because I was too sore too hike up the mountain, since yesterday we hiked up Mt. Sinai. It was a great view - both places.

Then, we went to En-Gedi, saw some sweet waterfalls, ibex - which are deer-like animals, and rock badgers. Todd read Psalm 42 and Psalm 63 - two of my favorite Psalms - about the longing of the psalmist' soul after God like a how an ibex longs for water - and how his soul longs for God in a dry land. Seeing the dry land around me, and then the cool streams of water in the midst of them, these passages have taken on a whole new meaning for me. This is how my soul needs to long for God - the way I longed so much for water today because I was thirsty and coughing - that I actually payed $5 for a bottle of Evian water. (haha, yes, it was an impulse buy, but I really needed water and didn't really look at the prices. ack.)

After En-Gedi, we went floating in the Dead Sea! It really was an amazing experience - just getting in the water, laying back, and floating without exerting any effort. So crazy! It was so much fun. We put some of the mud on our skin, and our skin came out so soft and smooth - like a baby's bottom. haha.

Because Todd is so cool, he took us to see Qumran Cave #1 - a place which is not on any map, and only a handful of people know it's location. It was a steep climb - a bit treacherous - but we made it - just got a couple of cuts on my hand along the way - but again, so worth it. The Qumran Caves are where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. So cool.

Today was a sweet day of adventures! Yay!

But we have a quiz tomorrow which I haven't studied for at all, and right now I feel like I smell like mud and sweat and salt - shower power.

Frolicking in the Meadows of the Shephelah.

2010-01-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday: 1 day, 2 emotional extremes:
In the morning, I went back to the southern steps of the Temple Mount and meditated on the Psalm of Ascents, singing praises to God, and reflecting on how amazing it would've been to go up each step, getting closer to the presence of God as He dwelt in His temple. It was a refreshing time, and when I got to the top, I felt extreme joy that I was redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and that now I can approach God freely through Jesus Christ as my Mediator.

In the afternoon, we went to Yad ve Shem, which is a museum on the Holocaust. Just walking in and seeing the pictures and videos of so many people who died during this horrible atrocity was heart-wrenching for me. I walked through this museum, and just felt such deep sadness. As I walked, I dialogued with God - lamenting and not understanding why tragedies like this happen.

It's interesting how I can feel such differing emotions in one day.

Today we left Jerusalem and headed southwest for the region of the Shephelah. We went to the cities of Gezer, Beth-Shemesh, Azekah, and Lachish - places where many battles between the Israelites and Philistines took place. Samson's story takes place in this region, and David and Goliath also have their showdown in this region - the Elah valley. It was fun reading these stories and picturing them take place in these hills and valleys right before my eyes. I also had fun re-enacting these stories as I posed as David with the rock. We also took many jumping pictures which was alot of fun.

My favorite part of today was being an explorer and going on an adventure with our tour guide, Todd, to a place which has just been recently excavated - Qeiyata, in between Socoh and Azekah, where the story of David and Goliath could've taken place. We frolicked through green meadows and climbed up steep hills, seeing ancient ruins of gates and towers - a fantastic experience. I love adventures.

I've been trying to upload pictures, but the internet here is not very fast, and disconnects frequently, so I probably won't be able to upload the pictures until I get back, unless I find internet that works better in another hotel.

Please pray for our group - there are many who are sick and not feeling well. I'm also starting to get slightly sick - with a sore throat today. Thanks.

New Year's in Israel.

2010-01-01T10:59:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

These past few days have been amazing. Yesterday, we spent the morning at the Temple Mount, seeing the Western Wall, the Dome of the Rock, and Herodian architecture. It's so mindblowing to think that this was the place where the Temple once was stood. This was the place where God's Shekainah glory once dwelt - the actual manifestation of His presence. Wow.

Something that really struck me yesterday was reading the Psalm of Ascents while sitting on the steps leading to the Temple Mount. The Psalm of Ascents are found in Psalm 120-134. A worshipper of Yahweh would read one of these psalms as they approached the temple to offer a sacrifice to Yahweh. As he read, sang, and prayed these psalms, he would look up and be reminded of the greatness and mercy of Yahweh, and his own sin in light of God's goodness, and his need of God's mercy. I really love the psalms, and as our tour guide was talking about this process of worshippers preparing their hearts before offering a sacrifice to God, I realized my own need to prepare my heart before gathering for corporate worship.

Often times, I'm thinking about so many things before and during church - thinking about what music we're playing for the service, thinking about what I need to do for choir, thinking about things I need to do in general - that even though I am gathered in corporate worship, my heart is not even in it. I am learning alot about the way the Israelites intentionally prepared their heart for worship, and I need to do the same when I come to God, so that my heart would be focused on Him.

Today, we went to the Central Benjamin Plateau, Samaria, and Jericho seeing the locations of ancient cities where the Patriarchs walked, where the Israelites fought battles against their enemies, where so much Biblical history happened, seeing how God triumphs. Seeing all these different ruins made me think about a song that I actually wrote before going on the trip. Honestly, I wrote this song after Nate and Kyle wrote their song, and I felt inspired to write since they wrote a song. haha. But pretty much, most of the stuff that I'd been meditating on this past semester just spilled out of this song. After studying the prophets and seeing the judgment of God, and being evacuated from fires - the themes of judgment and fires have been in my thoughts. Now that I actually see the ruins of these judgments, it all seems to be coming full circle for me. So I leave you with the lyrics:

Chorus
Run, run from the destruction of the city
'Cause fire consumes both the living and the dead.
Flee, fast, far away from here
The flood will wash us away.

Look outside tonight
The sky shines bright
It blinds my eyes.
Don't stay in tonight.
The creepers will bite
There's no good-byes.

Chorus

Hold on tight
Run with all your might
There's so much to fear.
Don't look back
At the angry attack
Let's get out of here.

Chorus

After the fire is over,
We'll go back and see
The land that's laid to waste.
We'll dance in the moonlight
In the remains of the ruins
Of a faraway place.

Let's waltz on the rooftop,
Let's swing on the doorstep
That's no longer here.
There's no picket fences,
No nicely-trimmed lawns,
Only memories we held dear.

Chorus

I recorded a rough version of this, but Team Glasses will be coming out with a real demo after I get back from Israel. Ask me for it if you're interested.

Thanks for reading! Love you all!

Old City Jerusalem

2009-12-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

Day 2 - Old City Jerusalem

Yesterday we went around Old City Jerusalem, looking at the different main roads, walls, and gates - with great views of the city and the Mt. of Olives, and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre - where tradition says Jesus was crucified and was buried. My favorite part of the tour was going to the ruins of the Pools of Bethesda - where Jesus healed the lame man in John 5. We sang in the chapel there called St. Anne's Chapel and it had such sweet acoustics. We sang "It Is Well" and "When I Survey" and I just got goosebumps listening to the beautiful sound of only our voices. I was so inspired I wrote a poem right there:

A beautiful melody rings in the chapel
Built on the ruins of the pools
Where the angel stirred the waters
A song of Shalom
Lines the marble walls
The Simple Cross says it all
Here there's healing
Where the lame man jumped for joy
When Yeshua said, "Rise up and walk."
There's healing here.
In the palms of His hands.
In the nail-scarred hands
Where Beauty lies.
Simplicity.
Simple Melody.
Shalom.

P.S. I love our group and my roommate Lauren. Such great fellowship with other seminary students.

Safely Arrived!

2009-12-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

Hi all!

We arrived in Tel Aviv yesterday around 3 pm. Right now, I'm sitting in the lobby of our hotel in Jerusalem, called the Gloria Hotel. After a crazy day at the airport with intense security, and a 15 hr. plane ride, we finally made it here and I'm so excited! Last night, we went to see the Wailing Wall at Herod's Temple Mount. It's so crazy that we were at the place where Jesus had his last discourse in John 14-17. Being there seeing all the people praying to the wall was a really interesting experience. I'm still trying to process it all, and honestly I probably won't really have time to process it until after the trip.

I slept pretty well last night, so now I'm ready to go!

P.S. Please pray for one of my group mates, Jen. The airline security didn't let her ride with us yesterday, but she will be coming today. Please pray for her safety.

Thanks all! Love you!

The Best Christmas EVER!

2009-12-26T11:07:00.000-08:00

I had the best Christmas/Christmas week EVER! Reasons why:

-The BEST Christmas gift EVER from my brother and sister-in-law! A Kitchen-Aid standmixer! Thanks Bon and Joses! If you know me at all, you would understand just how much I've wanted one of these for a very long time. And it's just exciting spending Christmas with the newlyweds. I loved having bonding times this past week with Bon at their new apartment. Thanks for letting me bake and hang out there!

-Spending Christmas with all my family at my house, and having the youth party at church, building graham cracker houses. good times :)

-Breakfast with Joanna and Joy on Christmas Eve. Thanks Joanna for the Snuggie! It's so warm! And I especially need it right now that my heater is broken at my house. I love it! And thanks for all the sweater! I think sweaters are my favorite article of clothing.

- Feeling accomplished with Team Glasses (a.k.a. Kyle and the Amazing Crisostomos) after recording a demo of an original song by Nate and Kyle. Good job, guys. I'm proud of you.

- Turning in my final paper on Monday and being DONE with the semester! Then regressing with Yen and Easter to watch, "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." So fun! I love being a kid.

- Taking a personal retreat...really refreshing and needed that time with God.

- Waking up on Christmas morning, thinking to myself, "Wow! I'm going to be in the place where Jesus lived! The Christmas story will take on a new dimension this year for me!"

-Woot! Leaving for Israel tomorrow! I am so excited! I woke up this morning thinking about this fact and I felt like I was going to explode from excitement!

Now I gotta finish packing...

The Half-Way Point.

2009-12-23T23:19:00.000-08:00

Whoo! This semester has been a whirlwind! Starting my semester off with evacuating my house due to fires, then taking two languages at once (which was not the wisest decision), preparing for my brother's wedding, and preparing for the Christmas concert at church...craziness...I know that it was truly only by God's grace that I got through it all. And I am so grateful! Now I have the opportunity to look forward to Israel! Wow, I can't believe we're leaving this Sunday!

And it's Christmas in a little more than 24 hrs. Crazy. Where did the time go?

I'm halfway done with my M.A. program at Talbot. Wow, I can't believe that either. God has been so good to me through it all.

I will be keeping my blog updated while I'm in Israel, so check back often!

Non-Productivity.

2009-11-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

I just read this today from the DesiringGod blog, and it was such a good reminder, especially as I am tempted to forget my Sabbath today and have a desire to do something productive-

http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/2116_you_dont_have_to_be_productive/

Refreshment After Pajama Day

2009-11-15T20:47:00.001-08:00

Recently, I've been feeling really tired. Even though I get enough sleep - like 8 or 9 hours, the energy of my youth is waning. I've been going this intense pace for awhile, and it's taking its toll on me. But God is still gracious even in my tiredness.

Last Friday, I spent the whole day in my pajamas. It was cold outside and I was so comfortable just reading, studying, and watching Filipino dramas all warm and cozy in my pjs. So when afternoon rolled around and I knew I had to get ready for AWANA, I was really not in the mood to go anywhere. But I still got up and got dressed. As I was driving to my church, I prayed that God would give me the energy and desire to minister to the kids, since I was feeling so tired and didn't really feel like going. I think it's because I've been thinking to myself... "What you're doing doesn't matter. Why are you in ministry? Why are you in seminary? You're not in the right place. You're not using your gifts. You're not applying anything you're learning. You should do something else." And then discontentment ensues...and I just feel drained.

But God is so gracious to me.
I get to AWANA and God gives me the opportunity to share the Gospel to 3 kids from the neighborhood who have been coming for awhile which I'm so thankful for and I had some sweet 1-on-1 time with one of the high school girls (since she was the only one who came, but I actually really like these 1-on-1 times. I'll have to admit, 1-on-1 time is probably my favorite.)
In these times of ministry, I felt so refreshed by God. My soul really felt revived from pouring out. It's easy to get fat on the overload of spiritual food that I'm taking in at seminary, and I'm so thankful that God's put me in a place to exercise some of the stuff I take in.

Other things I'm thankful for this past week:
~Got to meet Mark Dever, author of "9 Marks of a Healthy Church" and "Deliberate Church," and founder of "9 Marks Ministries" at a Q and A Sesh last Tuesday evening after he spoke at our chapel. I was happy that he answered my question and realized that prayer is really powerful and that I take this for granted many times after he answered my question.
I asked, "How does a small church develop a plurality of elders when there are limited resources?"
The main gist of his answer was to pray. He also said that some churches hold too high of a standard on elders, and that they might have qualified elders in their church, and just need to recognize them. But prayer is key.
Interestingly, I noticed out of a group of about 20-30, I was the only woman at the Q and A sesh.

~The victory of Manny Pacquiao! woot! that was an exciting fight! And I'm cheering in solidarity with all of the other Filipinos in the world. good times watching it at Ate Bon's house with her family. I feel like I've been bonding alot with her extended family...haha good times.

~UCLA reunions: Good times seeing UCLA friends at Keo's housewarming party. Yay makes me really happy :) I miss UCLA.

~Finding biblical allusions in Norma Jean songs. Hardcore music is so apt while reading the judgments of the OT prophets. Found out that Norma Jean is playing "Bless the Martyr, Kiss the Child" at the Nov. 25th show that I'm going to! So stoked!

Hope in Habakkuk

2009-10-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I was thinking when I enrolled to take Greek and Hebrew at the same time. I'm now suffering the consequences of my youthful ambition. haha. I am crazy.

This past semester has been hard. Not only academically, but ministry-wise, life in general has been hard.

I was talking to my friend Stephen today, explaining to him how I was writing a research paper on Habakkuk because I feel like Habakkuk is quite relevant to my life right now. We were talking about Habakkuk and Job are different because where Job experienced very personal suffering in his own life and family, Habakkuk cried out to God because of the injustice that he saw around him. Just as Habakkuk cried out to God asking why there was all this evil and suffering around him, these past few weeks I've been crying out to God asking Him why all these hard things are happening around me - not necessarily even to me, but to people around me.

In Habakkuk's case, there was all this evil happening around him in Israel, and then God responds saying that He's raising up a nation, the Chaldeans, to carry out punishment, taking over Israel. Habakkuk doesn't understand why God is using a nation that is even more evil to carry out justice. God responds, saying He'll bring about justice to the Chaldeans also in His own time - and that "the righteous shall live by his faith" (2:4). So at the end of Habakkuk, there is a beautiful prayer showing Habakkuk's trust in God's justice even if he doesn't necessarily understand what's going on around him.
And it ends in some of my favorite verses of the Bible...

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."
Habakkuk 3:17-19

I'm learning how to rejoice in the Lord even when I don't understand what's happening around me. I'm learning how to mourn with those who mourn, and weep with those who weep - to enter in someone else's pain, to sit with them. It's hard.

On a lighter note, we had a bridal party weekend for Ate Bonnie this past weekend and it was so much fun. It was good times hanging out with Ate Bonnie and the bridesmaids - being girlie with them - doing hair, make-up, watching chick flicks (filipino dramas), taking pictures. I have to admit, that I actually enjoyed it. This is quite an improvement from thinking these "girlie" things were a waste of time like I used to. It used to be painful for me, but now I'm slowly starting to enjoy it. hahaha. I guess I'm finally growing up or "blossoming" as they like to say - maybe just 5 years too late. It's funny when the high school girls at church compliment me for wearing eye-liner and give me make-up tips. It's really strange how one piece of make-up can do so much. It's quite a humbling experience learning all these things actually, makes me see how it actually takes skill and practice. hahaha. I'm finally embracing "being a girl." And it's O.K. since I am a girl. haha.

There's No Place Like Home.

2009-09-11T14:06:00.001-07:00

Praise God! We were able to go back to our house last Wednesday, Sept. 2. Our house is safe and the firefighters put out the fires near my house. I am so thankful for the firefighters, risking their lives to save our homes. I have alot to be thankful for - for everyone who showed their care and concern during this time, and for those who helped me and my family in tangible ways - housing us and feeding us. We are truly blessed, and there truly is no place like home. I'm glad to be back.

The Fiery Flames Keep on Blazing.

2009-09-01T10:54:00.001-07:00

It's strange and surreal watching the news. I hear them talking about the fire, seeing over 100,000 acres being burned to ashes, less than 1/2 a mile from my house, hearing the street names that are so familiar. This is not something far away, something that's across the world from me. It's happening on my street, in my neighborhood. Strange.

I'm sitting in the Talbot lounge, and I should be studying for both Greek and Hebrew -my semester's quite full and I need to get on top of things. And yet, I hardly feel motivated, so I'll blog to remember this craziness.

Saturday was a weird day:

At 7 am, my dad woke me up, telling me, "Grace, we have to start packing in case we have to evacuate." I groggily ask, "Do we really have to leave?" thinking it's just my dad's paranoia that motivates him to start packing. A neighbor asks him, "Are you going to evacuate?" My dad says, "No, just packing just in case." I go back to sleep. Around 9 am, my dad wakes me up and says, "Grace, wake up, Yo-yo Ma is playing on television at Ted Kennedy's funeral." By this time, my parents are done packing, so they are just sitting and watching the funeral, so I decide to join them, and watch the funeral. Around noon, I decide to get dressed because my parents tell me we're going to the beach at Oxnard to get some fresh air to get away from the raining ashes and smoke. I dress in my beach attire, ask if I should start packing, and my dad tells me to at least pack for a few days in case we have to stay somewhere else because of the smoke. I pack my pink Little Twin Stars suitcase, which holds 3 outfits. I don't really think we have to leave. I start checking my email and facebook, then I try studying for Hebrew, but then I get light-headed. Kuya Joseph and Ate Bon come home after going somewhere in the morning, and Bon tells Joseph he should probably start packing stuff just in case. I hear the helicopters hover around, taking water from the reservoir nearby to extinguish the flames. The sky has an orange, foreboding glow. This is when I finally start walking around the house, trying to figure out what to take.

I really don't have very many valuables. I'm not too attached to many material things. My dad tells me to at least pack my trunk full of stuff, so we each pack our own cars full of stuff. I gather my pictures, my diplomas, my awards, a week's worth of clothing, books I need for the semester, and this is what I put in the trunk of my car. I guess that's what's good about being a poor grad student - I've never really had the money to buy expensive things. I really only have lots of books, but those are replaceable.

After I'm done packing, I take my dog, Chuckie, to my aunt's house, because this smoky air can't possibly be good for him. He's covered in ash. On my way to my aunt's house, I pass many fire trucks, observing neighbors, and police cars. I see the fire. It's on the next hillside, probably less than 1/2 a mile away. Crazy. At my aunt's house, while getting Chuckie settled, my mom calls my aunt and tells her that she just heard on the radio that our neighborhood has been issued mandatory evacuations. I go to my church to park three of our cars, and then from there we go to Oxnard. On the way to Oxnard, my mom gets a call from someone to make sure that we've left our house. It's real. It's our house that's in danger.

I sit on the beach, watching the huge body of water in front of me, and it's surreal that a fire is threatening my house. I try to study Hebrew, but I still can't concentrate, so I write, and then I fall asleep as my parents walk along the beach together. Surprisingly, I'm not as stressed as I should think I should be, and my dad's not as frantic as usual. It's good we left early. God is gracious even in the craziness.

I stayed at my pastor's house on Sunday night and have been staying at my friend, Melissa's house the past few days. My parents have been back and forth from my aunt's house, checking in to a hotel, then going back home, and then going to my pastor's house, then going back home. Our neighbhors have stayed in their homes, so my parents figure it's o.k. for them to be at the house.

These past few days have been strange - being at school, supposed to be keeping up with school work, also trying to keep updated with what's happening, really only knowing what's going on by watching the news. But I'm also very thankful and grateful that my family is safe, that we have amazing firefighters doing the best they can, and that I have so many caring friends and family who have taken such good care of me and have checked up on me during this crazy time. I'm thankful for all the prayers, concern, and being shown God's love in tangible ways. I'm thankful for community. I'm thankful for the body of Christ. I'm thankful that God is in control.

A Day on my Front Lawn.

2009-08-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

Once again, it's time for musings from my front lawn. It really is quite delightful just sitting outside on my front lawn, soaking in the sun, feeling the gentle breeze.

After having a crazy panic attack last Saturday, I spent some time Son-bathing today. I feel much better now, thanks to friends, community, solitude, rest, prayer, nature, worship music, and God's Word.

You bid me come and partake -
'Drink deeply from the divine waters
Of the crystal lake, so pure and clear
Is the water here.'
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."
You tell me to take a cup and feel the waters
Of repentance - refreshing, reviving to my soul.
I am filled. I am free
To thirst for more of You.

It was a clear, blue sky. I sat in front of my house, listening to the few cars that drove by. The breeze flowing through the leaves of the trees made a sweet rustling sound. An ant scurrying across the light, green hose, escaped the flooded grass. My toes dug into the prickly, green grass - the grass which makes my skin itch as I flicked the ants off my blanket. The trees lined up to make an entry way to the wilderness of the mountains. This land used to be ancient Indian burial grounds. Am I lying on a chief's grave? I wondered what wars happened in these mountains, long ago, before Los Angeles was a Metropolis, before it was necessary for the suburbian birth.

A painting of a man with white hair (a wig?) and a solemn face with penetrating eyes stares at me from the cover of a paperback. But this is no cheap romance novel. "Religious Affections" by Jonathan Edwards. The picture - Jonathan Edwards, I presume. How very nice to meet you, Mr. Edwards. I've heard so much about you through the decades. Heat and light. Knowledge and affections. Oh, how I want my heart to beat, to long, to desire, to cherish the Greatest Good: God, who is the Ultimate Good. May my life be devoted to this God-ward romance, to this God-ward pursuit.

Feasting on Books. Desirataurus the Dinosaur eats the Leaves in the Library.

2009-08-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm finished with summer Greek, I actually have time to read for enjoyment. Yay. I feel like I have book ADD because it's hard for me to just sit down and read one book...After a few chapters, I keep on changing books. haha. I've started so many books that I really need to finish. I'm writing this blog post so I can keep track of what books I need to finish...haha.

Currently on my books that I need to finish list and am actually reading right now. an eclectic variety:
- "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands" by Paul David Tripp
- "Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong" by John MacArthur and GCC leaders
- The Anne of Green Gables series - at least the first 3 books, because I have the 1st 3 books in 1 Volume.
- "Blood Red Sunset" by Ma Bo

My goal is to finish at least these books before the Fall Semester starts.

If I have extra time, I need to finish reading these books which I've previously started (some, many years back, so I might just have to start from the beginning):
- "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer
- "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoevsky
- "It Is Not Death to Die: A Biography on Hudson Taylor" by Jim Cromarty
- "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn
- "Confessions" by Augustine
- "Callings - Twenty Centuries of Christian Wisdom on Vocation"
- "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini
- "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller
- "Pilgrim's Progress" by John Bunyan
- "The Souls of Black Folk" by W.E. B. Du Bois

Books which I own which I would like to begin, but probably shouldn't start, until I finish the ones listed above:
- "Religious Affections" by Jonathan Edwards
- "Spectacular Sins" by John Piper
- "The Vanishing Conscience" by John MacArthur
- "Miracles" by C.S. Lewis
- "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas
- "Cities- Missions' New Frontier" by Roger S. Greenway and Timothy M. Monsma
- "Marcos Legacy Revisted: Raiders of the Lost Gold" by Erick San Juan
- "Teacher Power" by my uncle, Eusebio San Diego
- "Hurt- Inside the World of Today's Teenagers" by Chap Clark
- "All the Tea in China" by Jane Orcut

This is a quite extensive list....and there are so many more that I would like to put on this list but I'll just stop now...

I told my brother that I need to finish all these books before I can buy anymore new free reading books...that'll be hard...haha.

(The title of this post refers to a youth retreat mnemonic.)

whoooo! now it's time to play!

2009-08-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yay! I survived Suicide Greek! So exciting! God is so gracious!

After Mel and I finished watching the BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice," all the intensity of studying for Greek finally hit me yesterday afternoon. My body is definitely beat. I was joking with Kuya Bryan the other week that I feel like I've aged 10 years over this 1 year of seminary, and he said that my body has probably aged 10 years since last year with the intensity of this past year. ack.
I knew it was bad when my face started twitching a few nights before the final. haha.
I probably should also take better care of my body...(but eating Kogi tacos the night before my final with my brother, Mae, and Marie was so worth it! especially since the Kogi truck was in my hometown, and nothing ever happens in my hometown! haha...mmm so good!)
So I survived, but not without a few casualties...
I think this is God's way of humbling me.

So the Wednesday before our Greek final, Mel, Andy, and I were comparing our 1 John tranlsations and when I read 1 John 3:1 - it suddenly just hit me:

"Behold, what sort of love the Father has given to us, that we might be called children of God, and so we are!" (New Grace Version...as Yen likes to call it...haha)

It made me so happy to be reminded that I am God's child...not just called His child, but I am His child! Yay! So many times, I get caught up in the craziness and stress of studying, I tend to forget who I am in Christ. I tend to think that my identity lies in the grades I get and in the ministry I do instead of in Christ. I love these moments when I feel like God gives me a hug and says, "It's o.k., Calm down, my child. You are my child. I am your Abba." Thanks God, for reminding me of who I am in You despite my tendency to forget. The doctrine of adoption is something I love because I am naturally a legalist. Yay! This truth that I am God's child makes me want to dance or even frolick in a field of flowers and sing at the top of my lungs!

And in these times, I am reminded why I am studying Greek. This is why I love studying - I experience God's love and grace in such sweet and powerful ways.

Thanks for your prayers :)

It's Greek to Me.

2009-06-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

Finished my first year of seminary.

Lasted through Vacation Bible School. Lots of kids. Crazy. Hectic. Fun. Church body working together.

Survived 2 weeks of suicide Greek. Just 5 more to go. This is gonna be a long summer. Our study group is amazing. Fun times partying it up in the library. hah.

And I've had some time to play. Yay.

God is gracious.

Jesus loves me.

<3.

I know this is where He wants me to be.

Thanks for your prayers.

Letting the Red In.

2009-04-26T20:17:00.000-07:00

So I finally bought a Biola sweatshirt, since it was on sale for 35% off. Although I will always be a true Bruin at heart and will always proudly wear my blue and gold, I did buy a red Biola sweatshirt. I figured I'm going to spend the next 3 years there, the same amount I spent at UCLA, so I might as well buy a sweatshirt. I was thinking about buying a Talbot sweatshirt, but I didn't really like the design as much, so I ended up just getting a normal Biola university sweatshirt. I feel very undergradish wearing it, and I probably look very much like an undergrad wearing it. Well, I am supposed to still be an undergrad at the very young age of 22.

I'm 22 and a seminary student. Weird.

Surrender - A difficult yet freeing experience. Still trying to figure out how to do it.

Although seminary's alot of work and studying, which can get stressful at times (especially when I have 40 pages of written work due in one week), I truly do enjoy it at the core of my being. I love delving into God's Word as it challenges my heart and my mind.

At one point in time this past semester, I was so excited about studying God's Word that it made me want to dance. (I think I might've been doing homework in the Psalms for hermeneutics.) So I put on some Israel Houghton, shut the door of my room, and just danced for joy. Danced like David danced. Undignified.

I told my fellow PT 709ers about this experience, and one guy, Ben, said he got a picture of me being like those little kids who have the toy of trying to put the correct shape in the right hole, and that for a while, I was trying different holes, but now I finally put the shape in the right hole, and it's brought me great joy, just as that kid who puts the shape in the right hole gets really happy.

I agree - Discovering more about how God has made me and how I can use the way He has gifted me for His glory.

And that PT 709 class is amazing. I love the transparency and prayer that goes on in there. Those people are so cool.

Community: another reason why seminary's such a sweet experience. Learning from people and being with people who are passionate for God and His Word. Good times.

Prayer request: I'm going to take a year's worth of Greek in the span of six weeks this summer. (They call it suicide Greek for a reason. ahhhh) haha. And the first week of summer school is VBS at my church which I'm heading up....so....yeah, I need lots of prayer :) Thanks.

Tidbits.

2009-03-06T00:38:00.001-08:00

So I was reading some articles today, and found some interesting quotes...

"Sacrificial service in the church doesn't start with serving. It starts with being served by God. Then as we are satisfied in Him and who He's revealed Himself to be in His crucified Son, we gladly overflow in service of others. "
~David Mathis, "Served by God, Serving Man"

"I'm finally beginning to realize that I cannot show others the truth about God until I tell myself the truth about His unconditional love.
Can I urge you to do something? Ask Him to tell you about it. Make it your job to hear about it, to immerse yourself in it, to pursue a deeper knowledge of it. Ask others how they know they are unconditionally loved by God. Study the Bible on this subject. Draw pictures, sing songs, tell stories, tell others — whatever it takes to cement this truth in your heart."

"I can't always explain why I do or don't fall in love with someone; how can I expect this of someone else? The good news is that regardless of its romantic potential, each relationship is an excuse for prayer. If it results in faith for someone's purity, well-being, and godliness, even a five-second crush can be a way to expand the Kingdom of God."
~Elisabeth Adams, "One Single Day"

Update on My Life.

2009-03-01T22:58:00.000-08:00

(Photo caption: With some Epic Japan project people after the Chris Tomlin concert)

So I've decided to do an update on my life:

-I love it at Talbot. The people there are amazing! From students to faculty, I have felt welcomed and encouraged by their authenticity and open hearts. It's starting to feel like my second home now. (And it probably will be for the like next 5 years...haha.) God is faithful in answering my prayer about community. I love my classes and studying God's Word. My mind and heart have been challenged in so many different ways. It truly is a privilege to study there.

On that note, I'm in the process of changing my program - probably to an M.A. in Biblical Exposition. I realized this program fits me well, since I love learning languages and analyzing texts. Here is where my English major nerdiness fits. haha. I also have been more convicted about the great power there is in God's Word and my very limited understanding of it. It's interesting because I feel like the more I learn in seminary, the more I realize how little I know.

On another side note, meeting up with Erin at Biola every week has been such a blessing to me. It makes me see how God is so gracious in allowing me to see her grow in Him, and how awesome it is that He orchestrated this whole thing.

-I'm enjoying serving at my church, and God continues to give me the grace and joy in ministry. He has provided a super encouraging team of awesome people who serve alongside with me. I also learn alot about through watching children's joy, trust, faith, and simplicity. Teaching high school students has also been a humbling experience as I continue to recognize my own inadequacies and God's grace in supplying all my needs.

Conducting choir has been alot of fun too, and it's just amazing listening to lovely voices worship God. I also started taking voice lessons, which has been quite enlightening, since my voice teacher told me I was a soprano, after singing alto all my life. haha. Who knew? But now that I'm learning how to sing properly, I actually enjoy singing soprano more. :)

-I still don't really know what I'm doing after graduate school, but I'm learning how to be o.k. with this fact. I realized this week that I'm really young - a mere 21, on the verge of 22, and if God wills it, I have my whole life ahead of me. So for now, I'll enjoy the present, and trust God to guide me each step of the way. (It has actually been a difficult process for me to get to this point, as I have the tendency to plan my whole life out and want to take control.)

-Even in the midst of studies and ministry, I have had fun times this past week...going to Disneyland twice, seeing Chris Tomlin live, and running into some Epic Japan project people. God is so good! Again, He reminds me of the great community that He's given me and how privileged I am to have sweet times with friends!

Snow Falls Fast. It Makes Me Smile :)

2009-02-20T23:43:00.000-08:00

The beauty of snow.
White, powdery, fresh.
A blanket I'd cover myself in
If it weren't for the cold and watery slush.

Snow man -
I made you
With your leafy limbs and stony eyes.
You stand to show me my frailty,
As you melt in the sun.

I'm happy today
Basking in the rays
Of the sun that's as bright
As a mirror blinding me with its light.

Farewell. It was a pleasure to meet you.
I'll see you again one day.

Out of the Depths.

2009-01-24T23:18:00.000-08:00

New favorite song from Sovereign Grace's Psalms CD.

Out of the Depths
by Bob Kauflin

Verse 1
Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You.
When I am tempted to despair.
Though I might fail to trust Your promises,
You never fail to hear my prayer.
And if you judged my sin,
I'd never stand again,
But I see mercy in Your hands.

Chorus
So more than watchmen for the morning,
I will wait for You, my God.
When my fears come with no warning,
in Your Word I'll put my trust.
When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit,
I will wait, I will wait for You.

Verse 2
The secret mysteries belong to You.
We only know what You reveal.
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don't change the wisdom of Your will.
In every trial and loss my hope is in the cross
Where your compassions never fail.

Roses have no scent: Musings from my front lawn.

2009-01-21T14:44:00.000-08:00

"Stop and smell the roses," they always say. So I did that today. But I couldn't really smell anything. Maybe it's because I have a slight cold. But I took some deep breaths, and still, nothing. So I moved on to the next flowers - sampaguita - a quite pungeunt smell. I walked around the garden in my front yard and smelled the flowers. I don't think I've ever done that before, even after living at this house for 20 years of my life. Maybe I have, during those childhood days when I used to turn the small front-yard garden into a tropical rainforest, where behind each bush rustling, there was a tiger or a zebra or an elephant. But those days are gone now.

Anyways, I sat on my front lawn for the first time in over a year. One or two cars passed by, but it wasn't even really on my street. There were no people walking around. I guess that's how it is in the middle of the day in the suburbs. I could hear the gentle trickle of my neighbor's man-made waterfall, or was that just a hose leaking? The light and airy breeze flowed through the windchimes, making an undistinguished melody. I could hear the faraway sound of the freeway and the whizz of a motorcycle, or maybe that was some kind of gardening tool? A lawnmower to keep the grass cut and straight. Front lawns have to be maintained in the suburbs. Otherwise, the city complains.

I miss the sound of the tricycles, the motorcycles, the jipneys that whizz by. I miss the sound of my titas cooking, washing, and laughing. I miss the delicious food, the fresh vegetables and fruits, papayas just picked from our backyard, the fresh meat just killed that day. I miss the smell of burning trash and the sound of roosters crowing at daybreak. I miss the chicks that chirp and hide behind the mother hen. I miss the ducks who wander. I miss the bark of the dogs and the poor three-legged dog that watches out for strangers. I miss the constant flow of people who come and eat, taking a merienda, to just sit and chat for awhile. I miss the slow pace of life - the time to talk and kuwento, time to listen, and play cards. listening to the lives of my family, the happy, the masaya days of their youth, and the hardship of just trying to survive in a land where $5/day is the normal income.

I miss the Philippines.

Rediscovering the Joy of Reading, especially Jane Austen

2008-12-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

"Because they neither flattered herself nor her children, she could not believe them good-natured; and because they were fond of reading, she fancied them satirical: perhaps without exactly knowing what it was to be satirical; but that did not signify."
~Sense and Sensibility, Vol. 2, Chapter XIV, pg. 201.

This satirical self-consciousness is one of the reasons why I have had such an enjoyable time reading Sense and Sensibility. Although I had read Pride and Prejudice in high school, I don't think I understood Austen's wit and satire, which now makes me laugh out loud, making my family give me strange stares. I think I'm also drawn to her protagonists, who I, along with so many others, feel like we can relate to.

It now makes sense why so many people love her. I think Jane Austen brings the world together. haha.

I also like how Austen upholds virtue, while making a mockery of pride, foolishness, emotionalism, and impropriety.
It's quite refreshing reading well-written satirical fiction. And she "keeps it real" without having to indulge in crude sensuality. It's all good, clean fun.

An article on Crosswalk talks about how Austen's sense of right and wrong which stemmed from her faith is what draws many people in.
http://www.crosswalk.com/books/11552212/
The fact that people are drawn to her writing, I believe, shows how people innately have a higher sense of morality, attributing to a higher moral order.

After not having read a work of fiction for a semester since I graduated, and after not having read a work of fiction for fun since I don't even remember, it's quite exciting being able to enjoy fiction again and being able to choose what I want to read, instead of forcing myself to analyze a piece of literature for a class.

Oh, Reading! How I've missed you! It's like seeing a long-lost friend again. :)

(These last two posts have shown the extent of my English-major nerdiness...haha)

Compound Gerunds...How Many Can I Use in One Entry?

2008-12-19T23:49:00.001-08:00

i am such an english nerd. haha.

GERUND PHRASE
Gerunds, verbals that end in -ing and that act as nouns, frequently are associated with modifiers and complements in a gerund phrase. These phrases function as units and can do anything that a noun can do. Notice that other phrases, especially prepositional phrases, are frequently part of the gerund phrase.
Cramming for tests is not a good study strategy. [gerund phrase as subject]
John enjoyed swimming in the lake after dark. [gerund phrase as object]
I'm really not interested in studying biochemistry for the rest of my life. [gerund phrase as object of the preposition in ]

(http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/phrases.htm#participle)

How do I describe my first semester at seminary? It's definitely been:

life-challenging
mind-stretching
heart-wrenching
soul-searching
God-wrestling
love-filling
Spirit-experiencing
ministry-giving
grace-receiving
community-building
direction-changing
fear-facing
music-making
spontaneous-singing
joy-fulfilling
vision-adjusting
Truth-learning
Gospel-centering
season-grieving
present-embracing
future-surrendering
motivation-processing.
Christ-praising.

The more I learn about God, the more I realize how much I don't understand, and how His grace is truly sufficient in my weakness.

O Heart Bereaved and Lonely

2008-12-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

So I discovered another group of musicians who put old, unfamiliar hymns to modern music called Indelible Grace Music from one of my friend's facebooks.
I downloaded their latest album, "Wake Thy Slumbering Children."
It's such a good album! Amazing lyrics and sweet music. I'm a big fan.
I like all of the songs, and it's hard for me to decide which is my favorite right now, but here is one of the songs I thought had beautiful lyrics.

It's a hymn written by Fanny Crosby called "O Heart Bereaved and Lonely." Fanny Crosby is one of the greatest hymn writers. She wrote familiar hymns such as "Blessed Assurance," "To God Be the Glory," and "Jesus Is Tenderly Calling You Home."

"Fanny Crosby was probably the most prolific hymnist in history. Though blinded by an incompetent doctor at six weeks of age, she wrote over 8,000 hymns. About her blindness, she said:

It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank him for the dispensation. If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me.

In her lifetime, Fanny Crosby was one of the best known women in the United States. To this day, the vast majority of American hymnals contain her work."

(http://www.cyberhymnal.org/bio/c/r/o/crosby_fj.htm)

Wow! What an inspiration! This lady is one of my heroes. :)

O Heart Bereaved And Lonely

1. O heart bereaved and lonely,
Whose brightest dreams have fled
Whose hopes like summer roses,
Are withered crushed and dead
Though link by link be broken,
And tears unseen may fall
Look up amid thy sorrow,
To Him who knows it all

2. O cling to thy Redeemer,
Thy Savior, Brother, Friend
Believe and trust His promise,
To keep you till the end
O watch and wait with patience,
And question all you will
His arms of love and mercy,
Are round about thee still

3. Look up, the clouds are breaking,
The storm will soon be o'er
And thou shall reach the haven,
Where sorrows are no more
Look up, be not discouraged;
Trust on, whate'er befall
Remember, O remember,
Thy Savior knows it all

His Eye Is On the Sparrow

2008-11-04T23:57:00.000-08:00

I love this hymn.

Why should I feel discouraged,
why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely,
and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth,
but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted,
whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

After praying and processing in the car this past weekend - seeing the depth of the ways I try to take control, instead of surrendering my life to God - I started singing this song.

I Like It When Kids Cry

2008-10-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

By the title, you might think I'm some kind of mean person. Let me explain myself...

Whenever I try to leave my pastor's house, his 2 year old daughter grabs my hand and makes me sit down. She says, "Stay." After watching a few minutes of her cartoons of unknown animals or hand puppets, I try to get up without her noticing. Her eyes are glued to the T.V., but out of the corner of her eye, she sees me inching towards the door, grabs my hand again, and says, "Stay." I tell her, "Micah, I have to go now. Sorry. I'll see you later. Bye." She starts crying and her mommy says to give me a hug and a kiss, and says "Bye, Tita Grace."

I feel loved when she tries to get me to stay, and then starts crying when I leave. I feel loved because she wants me to stay with her and is sad that I'm leaving. She just wants my presence. I feel loved when she calls me "Tita Grace," and knows my name. - That's why I like it when kids cry.

Oh, I love the simplicity of children and the joy they bring.

Missions Fundraising Concert

2008-10-04T17:17:00.000-07:00

My church, Congregational Christian Church, is hosting a Missions Fundraising Concert. Please invite all your friends to come!

On November 2nd, The 10 member singing group "MAJESTY" from The Masters College (http://www.masters.edu/) are coming to minister in song and help our fundraising efforts. We have tickets but all are welcome to come. It will be held at the First Church of the Nazarene, 3700 East Sierra Madre Blvd, Pasadena, CA 91107. The doors will be open at 5:30 pm.Your $20 or my $10 may not go far, but if we pool our petty cash together, we can make a significant difference to a church, a body of believers. The picture on the left is of a church plant in the Philippines still unfinished after two years because of lack of funds.
We are realizing that the best way to impact our world is through church planting. Hence, we are raising funds for our church planting projects:
SHORT TERM: Help build or complete a church building for one or more of our church planters.
LONG TERM: Support a local church planter full time so they can focus on equipping the people and reaching out to the lost. We desire to support local church planters from different nations such as Russia, China, Africa, South America, etc. You can go to www.firstgiving.com/cccmissions to donate toward kingdom building. If you would like to help, please contact Pastor Bryan, sidlakxii@yahoo.com, (213) 383-4321.

The Start of Seminary.

2008-09-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

I love how God always breaks down all my preconceived notions, fears, and anxieties - which always shows His faithfulness despite my lack of trust in Him.

Preconceived Notion: Most of my classmates at Talbot would be middle-aged Caucasian men already very experienced in ministry.
Reality: I've met a very diverse group of people: young, older, men, women, varying ethnicities, varying ministries, varying occupations, from the entertainment biz to elementary school teachers.

Preconceived Notion: Seminary would answer many of my theological questions.
Reality: Theology class is probably the most confusing class I have, which raises more questions.

Fear: I would be lonely in grad school.
Reality: I know at least one person in each of my classes, either previously friends with them, or became friends with them this past week. I also see Erin all the time. Yay!

Fear: I would not have good community after leaving UCLA.
Reality: God's provided sweet community for me through my church and through my teammates from Japan, and I still keep in touch with my UCLA community.

Fear: Driving would be a horrendous experience, and I would get into many accidents.
Reality: It's really not so bad, and I've discovered that I love singing in the car, because I can sing as loud as I want and not worry if I sound good. haha.

Fear: I don't know how I'll make money during my time in grad school.
Reality: Job openings at church. Getting paid for doing things I already love doing.

Oh, how my finite mind looks only at the physical, and not at the spiritual. I feel like one of Jesus' disciples many times as they worried about how Jesus was going to feed the multitudes of people even though they already saw Him feed 5,000 people before.

We just studied Mark 8 last Thursday during C.A.R.E. group, so this is fresh in my mind. One of the questions was "When have you acted similarly, not expecting God to work just after he has met a need in your life?"
As all these fears arise as I start seminary, I realize I lack trust in God, even though I've seen Him guide me and get me to this point.

I hear Jesus saying, "Oh, you of little faith! Just trust in me."

I am a worrier.

Lord, increase my faith.

In the Cross Alone I Glory.

2008-08-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

new favorite modern hymn.

In the Cross Alone I Glory

In the cross alone I glory
Recognition laying down
Greatest treasures count as worthless
Standing next to Heaven’s crowns
Standing next to Heaven’s crowns

In the cross alone I glory
Ever reaching for the prize
Pressing on and laying hold of
That for which my savior died
That for which my savior died

In the cross alone I glory
Nothing of my own to give
Only that which Christ has offered
For my soul that I may live
For my soul that I may live

In the cross alone I glory
Holding fast the word of life
Toiling not in vain but being
Poured out as a sacrifice
Poured out as a sacrifice

Never will I seek the glory
That was never meant for me
Always heavenward reflecting
All to Jesus to receive
All to Jesus to receive
All to Jesus to receive

Listen to it here: http://www.worshiptogether.com/songs/songdetail.aspx?iid=561619

We've sang this song a few times at church. Last Sunday, during evening service, this song brought me to tears. These are such hard words to sing. Yet, also so freeing. What a paradox.

I went to the New Student Banquet for Talbot today at Biola. I'm excited to start classes on Wednesday :)

120 Years, One Foundation

2008-08-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

(Photo caption: Friday night during our Fiesta celebration, celebrating it Filipino style, serving food on banana leaves. We're one happy family :)

Praise God for a sweet 120th Anniversary for my church, Congregational Christian Church last Sunday. God has been so faithful to us through all these years!

How Reading Rocks My World...Haha...I'm such a nerd

2008-08-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've been reading some very different books, but all have rocked my view of the world. Some quotes from each:

Book One: Knowing God by J.I. Packer

It's actually a quote from another book:
"Zeal in religion is a burning desire to please God, to do His will, and to advance His glory in the world in every possible way. It is a desire which no man feels by nature - which the Spirit puts in the heart of every believer when he is converted - but which some believers feel so much more strongly than others that they alone deserve to be called 'zealous' men..."
- From Practical Religion by Bishop J.C. Ryle

Book Two: Heaven by Randy Alcorn

"As human beings, whom God made to be both physical and spiritual, we are not designed to live in a non-physical realm - indeed, we are incapable of even imagining such a place (or rather, a non-place). An incorporeal state is not only unfamiliar to our experience, it is also incompatible with our God-given constitution. We are not, as Plato supposed, merely spiritual beings temporarily encased in bodies. Adam did not become a "living being" - the Hebrew word nephesh - until he was both body and spirit (Genesis 2:7). We are physical beings as much as we are spiritual beings. That's why our bodily resurrection is essential to endow us with eternal righteous humanity, setting us free from sin, the Curse, and death." (Pg. 16)

Book Three: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

"In contrast, there should be no pressure for good grades at all. Grades are unimportant. Some children can achieve "A's" without any diligent effort. Others struggle for a good solid "C". What is important is that your child learn to do his work diligently for God. God has promised that he will reward the faithful. Knowing that gifts and abilities are a stewardship from the Lord, your child's objective should be faithfulness. You need to train your child to find in Christ the strength and power to work for GOd's glory. Anything else is training him to think and act unbiblically."
(Pg. 55)

New JJ Heller Album for Free!

2008-08-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

Processing.

2008-07-29T18:33:00.001-07:00

(Some of my fam. From Left to Right: Mom, Tita Elly and Tito Sebio (just came from the Philippines), Tita Choleng, Mildred, Tito Rado, Aldren)

(Warning: Long Journal Entry Part of my Post Project Processing. haha)

It's been pretty busy for me the past few days since arriving. My uncle and aunt just arrived from the Philippines the night I arrived and they're staying with us. So the rest of my family's been over and we've been entertaining them the past few days. If you don't know, my mom is from a family of 9 children, so you can just think of how many people have been in and out of my house the past few days. haha. It's been super fun and I've really enjoyed spending time with my family, and talking to my Tito Sebio, from the Philippines. I'm realizing that alot of my verbal/English/teaching/activist tendencies come from him. He was a college professor and he fought for teacher's rights in the late 60's and early 70's before martial law in the Philippines. He even talked with President Marcos. He has some pretty sweet stories.

Anyways, since all that jazz is happening, it's been harder for me to sit still and just process. And when I do have time to sit still, I get busy with trying to figure out classes and financial aid stuff for Biola, which is a bit stressful for me, since I was supposed to have most of this done before I left for Japan. oops. O well.

So as I was cooking rice today, I started processing through some of the things I learned this past month. Maybe it's because rice makes me think of Japan, I'm not really sure why. Or maybe it was just because I read Easter's blog about her Epic trip to SanFran and it made me think of things. (Thanks Easter :) Although, I'm realizing how God has been breaking down alot of the ways I compartmentalize things and that I don't necessarily have to be in a room by myself for a long period of time to process through things. (Alot of the time, actually, I find that I think of things during the most random times like sitting on the toilet or in the shower. haha. I'm guessing that I gave you way too much info.) I also find that I process through things as I talk to people too. So I don't think I'm a complete internal or external processor, I guess it's a both/and; maybe I just tend to lean on being more internal.

I also realized on this trip that I'm alot more extroverted than I say or think I am. I'm still an introvert, but I definitely love being with people and talking to people and pouring out. Although it's tiring, it's like this joyful kind of tired. Like I'm super happy when I'm with people. And so when I do have quiet times with God it's even more refreshing, even when I only have like a couple of minutes. I think that God broke down alot of the ways I think about what a quiet time or spending time with Him looks like. Often times, I find comfort in routine and having consistent quiet times with God in the morning and at night. For awhile, because I wasn't having this consistency on project, I was feeling really down and beat up on myself alot. One morning Kester prayed for me (Aww, I miss Kester Pard! He's one of our teammates from Indonesia, but studying at Penn State for college), and he prayed that God would break down my whole notion of what a quiet time looks like, that it doesn't necessarily have to be what I want it to be, that even when I just have a few moments with the Lord throughout the day, that those would be just as refreshing as spending hours with Him. He reminded me that we were there to minister to others, and that in that jam-packed super flexible schedule and being with our team all the time, we might not be able to have the same kind of quiet times we have at home with our normal day-to-day schedule. I really felt God's grace and a sense of freedom when he prayed that over me. Not saying that long hours and consistent quiet times are bad, they're really very good, but sometimes we don't have that kind of time, and God is still so gracious. I'm realizing that because of the consistent quiet times in the past, alot of His Word has been hidden in my heart, and that just at the right times, even during a few seconds, He reminded me of the Words that I just needed to hear that very second. His love is free, I don't have to think I'm a "good" Christian, doing all the "right" things to receive His love. Oh my legalistic attitude! May God break it down more and more!

(Photo Caption: Me and Kester, my Southeast Asian brother, haha)

I also realized that through having this notion of a quiet time, that I have been very prideful in the past, thinking I was some "super spiritual" Christian because I spent hours alone with God, and God constantly reminds me how I'm no better than anyone else, that I need His grace just as much as anyone else, that I'm not a "super spiritual" Christian, that it's hard for me to be excited about spiritual things sometimes even when other people are excited about it. Just because I'm going to seminary, doesn't mean I'm at the top of the spiritual ladder or anything. I'm just as broken and just as in process as everyone else.

God gives me just the right amount of energy and grace I need to minister to others, even when I don't think I've spent enough time with Him, and through spending time with others, I experience His love and grace. Many times I thought I was ministering to others, I realize that God was ministering to me in those times.

God is so good. He is so gracious, and I'm fully redeemed solely by His love.

Thanks to Lyndsey, I got the Koenji train station ringtone, and it makes me so happy :)

I was listening to God of the City while journaling all of these thoughts, then I fell asleep and woke up to her calling me with the Koenji ringtone! It made me really happy :)

(Photo Caption: Lyndsey and I modeling our new makeovers during the women's outreach)

P.P.S. Now that Josh and Britt's engagement is facebook official I can now post pictures and say how excited I am that they're engaged! So excited! I cried when I watched it happen! This was definitely the best moment of the whole summer! It was beautiful! I'm so happy for them! Yay! Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Morey to be! :) My Epic Parents are going to be legit now! Yay!

Oh yeah, Here some other pictures that I got from other people that correspond to some of my past posts:

The Toyo Team with the Japanese-Hawaiian Christian teacher, Kent.

Some of my team with Satoshi's group of friends (all in Kent's English class). Satoshi was the one who talked to Kent to let us talk to his class. From left back to right front: (Lilico, Toyo student; Jessica, teammate; Wilson, teammate; Kazwake, Toyo student; Acchan, Toyo student; Nonchan, Toyo student; Yoshko, Toyo student; Jon, teammate; Satoshi, Toyo student)I will never forget what Satoshi said to me at the train station as we were leaving. He said, "Many Japanese have many prejudices against Christianity and religion, but your team has helped break down those prejudices for me. I know that your team was God's gift to me. Thank you for showing me God's love. I will read and study the Bible even when you leave." He hasn't accepted Christ yet, but I know that God is working in his life. He facebook messaged me yesterday and told me how he was reading 1 Thessalonians and really liked the words, "Rejoice always." It made me really happy. Please pray that God would reveal Himself to Satoshi and that through studying God's Word, that He would truly understand the Gospel.

At Home.

2008-07-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

It's strange. I'm home. I miss Japan. I miss my team. Hopefully, I'll see some of them tomorrow at Disneyland. :)

At Debriefing.

2008-07-25T07:38:00.000-07:00

(Our team in front of the world at Disney Sea)

Wow. I can't believe project is almost over. We go home in two days after debriefing in Kawaguchiko at the foot of Mt. Fuji. It's crazy how fast project's gone by. Vivan, one of the Epic national staff who's helping debrief us, told us that we should prepare a one word answer to give to people when they ask us, so "How was your summer?" If you ask me in person I'll probably respond: FUN. She also said to prepare a one sentence answer. So my answer is: I had the most fun summer of my life.

I feel like I don't sound as spiritual because I haven't said all of the things that God has done this summer in Tokyo, in my team, and in my heart. But how am I supposed to explain to people the tremendous work that He's done and explain my experience in one sentence? It's pretty much impossible. So I'll stick with FUN.

I don't think I've ever laughed as hard and as much as I did this past month and a half. I love my team. God is a God of joy.

By the way, if you haven't checked out my pictures, I posted some of them on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=2525980

I'm actually on album #5, and I still have more to post.

P.S. Mt. Fuji is beautiful. I love the Japanese countryside.

P.P.S. Please pray for me as I transition back to the U.S. It's always harder for me to transition back to America. Please pray that I would stay connected with people from my team and that I would not have a critical and judgemental attitude on America and Los Angeles. Please also pray for me as I process through the summer, that God would help me take back the things I've learned and apply them in my ministry at home. Please also pray for me as I start seminary at the end of August. While I'm super excited about going to Biola and studying the Bible, I still have many fears and questions about the future and going into full-time ministry. I'm also really sad about leaving the UCLA community and Japan project community. Please pray that this would also be a smooth transition.

Thanks again so much for all your prayers!

The Last Lap.

2008-07-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

(Photo Caption: From back left: Stef, Lyndsey, Naomi, Mai, Carolin, Grace Shin, and I waiting to go to the top of the Tokyo Tower)

Last Thursday, we spent our last time with two friends, Naomi and Mai, who are from International Christian University. Although this university is Christian by name, they are no longer a Christian university. Yet, both Naomi and Mai have been coming to church with us and are very interested in learning more about Christianity. We went to Tokyo Tower and saw the beautiful skyline of Japan.

The song by Chris Tomlin, "God of the City" came to mind as I looked over the city. Josh put this song on repeat during one of our prayer times, so it was pretty fresh in my mind.

These are the lyrics:

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this City

You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You AreYou're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are

Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here.

Please continue to pray for breakthrough in Tokyo. Please pray for Naomi and Mai as God would open up their hearts to the Gospel as they learn more about what it means to have a genuine relationship with God. Please also continue to pray for strength for our team to finish strong and to be united.

I can't believe that it's already the last week of project. It went by way too fast! We are going to Disney Sea tomorrow, having our last couple of days on campus, then heading to Mt. Fuji on Thursday for debriefing. I've had an amazing time in Japan, and as I was reflecting about the trip, I realized that the biggest thing I've learned on project is learning how to be comfortable with who God made me to be and my identity in Him - using my God-given gifts and abilities for His glory and for building up the body; and knowing and admitting my areas of weakness. I've been surprisingly comfortable here around my team, exposing my weird and crazy self, yet they still love me and are still blessed by me. I think, "Wow, this must be God's grace because I feel like I'm so foolish and strange at times, so I know it's not anything I do." I've been thinking about Joshua 1:9 for awhile, and I guess this is what it means to be strong and courageous because God is with me. I don't feel like I have to put on this "super spiritual" front like before, but can act like my normal self. I'm learning that this is what it means to do ministry out of an overflow of love and out of a confidence in my identity in Christ, instead of doing ministry for appearance' sake - like a self-righteous Pharisee, which is what I'm sometimes inclined to do. I've realized that alot of my natural tendency is to be legalistic and have a performanced-based relationship with God, thinking that if I do more for Him, He'll love me more. I think I've experienced alot of His grace through my team, which has definitely deepened my understanding that my relationship with Him is solely by grace, and nothing of my own doing.
I've been so encouraged by my team and their faith and boldness for Christ. It's been so awesome spending these past few weeks with them, I feel like I'm going to have really bad summer project withdrawal when I get home. haha.
Although today, we went to a church that reminded me of my church, and I started really missing home.

Please also continue to pray that God would teach me what true humility, authenticity, and grace is.

Thanks so much!

Fun Times.

2008-07-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

I've learned much about contemporary Japanese fashion and culture the past few days.

Here are some pictures to show you what I've learned:

<-- Japanese baseball games are so much better than American baseball games because of all their awesome cheers and enthusiasm.

Fashion is all about dressing up and looking cute -->

It's all about the hair and expression!

Hope you got a kick out of that!

Amazing Day.

2008-07-10T08:12:00.001-07:00

(Me, Lauren, Kei, Erin, Anita, and Brittany)

So we had a really good day today! One of the girls, Kei, from Tsuda University went to the Student Impact meeting that we went to today. Lauren, Erin, and I had the chance to share the Gospel with her and she was very open and engaged with us the whole time. She wanted to pray to receive Christ so we went to a quieter room with her and Brittany and we prayed with her. She was so sweet and genuinely wanted to learn more about Christ and the Bible. She is so open to learning more about what it means to follow Christ. It was cool, because at the beginning of the conversation, she said she had no faith or religion, and then throughout the whole time we were sharing the Gospel with her, she was very interested and excited to hear about it, and then she said how she wanted to put Christ at the center of her life and accept Him. She said that it was the first time she had heard the complete Gospel and that after hearing the Gospel, her whole way of thinking changed. She felt very happy after we prayed with her and told her that she can pray to God anytime she wants to pray to Him. So exciting! Praise God! I believe that He is working mightily in her life, and that she made a large step today in wanting to know more about Christ. Please continue to pray for her, that God would continue to reveal Himself to her, and that she would come to a deeper understanding of the Gospel and what it means to truly follow Christ. I praise God that we have a partnership with J.C.C.C and that the staff women can follow up with her. So cool! It's exciting to see God work!

In the Classroom

2008-07-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Today we had the opportunity to join an English conversation class. One of the students that the guys have been meeting up with, Satoshi, asked his English conversation professor if we could come to class. So the teacher lets us go to his class and have discussion groups with the students, and we find out he is a Christian too! He is a Japanese-American from Hawaii and teaches English at Toyo University. It was such a blessing meeting him! He split the class into groups and we got to go around talking to the students. The crazy thing is that we had already met half of the class during our random evangelism times, and we had no idea that they were all in the same class when we had met them. So we saw many familiar faces. At the end of the class, the teacher said in front of the whole class of around 30 students, "I am not only connected to these group of students from America because we are all Asian-America, but we are also all Christians and brothers and sisters in Christ. This group of students came all the way from America to tell you that God loves you and that Jesus Christ died for you." Wow! Now I was amazed that he was saying this in front of the class at a secular university! That's such a bold step! And we were worried that he was putting his job on the line, which is quite possible. But wow, I was so encouraged by that professor! He's so cool! Hopefully, we'll be able to keep in contact with him. I believe that God is truly working in the classroom through that teacher, and that teacher has probably been praying for that class. So exciting to see!

Yeah, we've been having some really awesome stories. Brittany got to see a girl come to know Christ at the 4th of July outreach event. You can read more about it on her blog: http://brittanywong.blogspot.com/

Praise God for what He's doing in Japan!

Please pray for more hearts to be opened in Japan. We are praying a student from each university, Toyo, Todai, Tsuda, and Rikyo to come to know Christ this week. Please continue to pray for strength, boldness, compassion, and love.
Although today was a really good day, I really felt tired and a bit distracted even while talking to students. It was hard for me to focus on the conversation at times, and it takes alot more energy talking to Japanese students, initating with them, and trying to understand them.

We're Free!

2008-07-04T08:20:00.001-07:00

John 8:36
"So if the Son makes you free , you will be free indeed."

Happy 4th of July everyone! Yay, we're free!

Today was such a sweet day! Even though I felt really tired this morning, God was gracious in giving me energy to get through the day. But now I'm so excited from the times we've spent with our friends, that I'm energized again. We went to another campus today, Tsuda college, which is an all girls school. We met with Jessica, one of the STINTers, Naomi, one of the JCCC staff, and Anita, one of the JCCC staff from Taiwan on the way to campus. The campus is really nice, it's surrounded by trees, and looks like an East Coast college. It's really peaceful and very different from Toyo University which is very modern-looking. We had an English lunch and talked to two girls. We also met the team from Taiwan, which was cool. Lyndsey and I befriended three girls in the cafeteria and they were very friendly. Hopefully, we will be able to eat ice cream with them next Friday.

By this time, around 5 pm, I was feeling really tired, but we still had the 4th of July outreach that we were hosting. Thankfully, being around all of the students actually energized me, and then two girls from Tsuda came and we were able to talk to them for quite awhile. They were so nice and friendly. We even ate dinner with them at Ootsoya afterwards. Naomi, a JCCC staffer, and her husband, Takano, also came to eat with us. It was really fun talking with them, and I didn't feel tired afterwards. I actually felt more energized because they were excited to hang out with us and also asked us questions, so it wasn't as difficult to keep the converation flowing.

An interesting thing happened to be at the outreach party. They played a short video about Student Impact (It's the name of Japanese Campus Crusade for Christ in Japan), and all the different ministries of Student Impact, and I started crying, seeing how the Lord is working in Japan through Student Impact. It's so amazing!

I think one of the things that touched me the most was meeting one of the students that came to Christ this year through the Gospel Choir. It's cool because I read about her in Laura's STINT prayer update letters, and it was so cool meeting her in person. The world has become such a smaller place. Yesterday, I also met some Toyo students who went to UCLA for the homestay program, so I've seen them before when they came, and they know many mutual friends. It's a small world after all.

Day 5

2008-07-02T05:11:00.000-07:00

I've been really enjoying these past few days. It's been great being on campus at Toyo University and meeting students. There are only 4 Christians on a university of 30,000. Although this sounds like such a daunting task, it's been very encouraging meeting the Christian students on campus like Daichi and Yuki. They are so excited that we are here and they have such a heart for their campus. It's so encouraging seeing their love for God despite their small numbers. It must be so hard to be one of the few Christians in a place of hard soil. I've also been blessed by the partnership we have with Japanese Campus Crusade for Christ. Today Erin and I went out meeting students with one of the JCCC staff, Fumi, and it was cool seeing how we could tag team it, as students wanted to talk to us since we're foreigners, but then she could go deeper into spiritual things. She was able to share the Gospel to one of the girls we met, and it was so uplifting to see the Gospel shared in a different language. Even though we speak different languages, the Gospel is the same.

(Photo Caption: Erin, Fumi, and I, and yes, I am wearing suspenders with culottes. I figured I could totally get away with wearing this in Japan, since their style is so different, haha, and if it's not fashionable here, I could always use the excuse that I'm a foreigner.)

We also met this other guy named Satoshi who is really excited that we're here and he's introduced us to alot of his friends. A highlight for me was finding out that he listened to Rilo Kiley. If you don't know Rilo Kiley, they're an indie band from Echo Park, so it was just really surprising that a Japanese student knew who they are, since they're not super popular in America. I've seen them live twice, and although I haven't listened to their music for awhile, I still think Jenny Lewis has a beautiful voice and was excited to hear that he knew who they were.

<--Team Dinner at Big Momma's. I also have really enjoyed being with my team and learning about the culture in Japan. It's only Day 5, and I already feel really comfortable with my team. (I mean, really comfortable. I've already revealed my crazy emo/hardcore/headbanging days with them, and I've worn suspenders with culottes, who does that? I've definitely exposed my weird/crazy side that usually takes awhile to come out). It's really interesting seeing how comfortable I am with my team. Even though I know it's really different, I feel like I compare my experience in East Asia to my experience here often. It took me awhile to feel really comfortable in East Asia, and I'm not sure if I even felt this comfortable with everybody on my team. I know that alot of it is due to the different natures of the projects, like how here our whole team can actually be together alot, and in East Asia, we couldn't really be together as a team as much for security purposes. Another reason why I probably feel more comfortable this time around is because I knew some of the people coming into the project, like Brittany, Josh, and Kris. I didn't think that ethnicity really mattered to me that much, but it really does affect me, and I think because this is an Epic project with all Asian-Americans, I've felt like I can connect with people better. I actually feel more outgoing and outspoken, which is quite strange, since people usually think I'm quiet and reserved.

On that note, it's been a good thing having alot of people time, but at the same time, I feel like I haven't been spending as much quality time with God. Please pray that I would really take the time to spend time with God and really get my fuel and feeding from Him, because without relying on Him, I know I will burn out really fast. Thanks for all your prayers. I love you all! (Me in my Yukata, modeling a map of Japan)

We're here!

2008-06-29T05:46:00.000-07:00

We finally arrived in Tokyo last night after many hours of travelling. It's really nice having leaders who are familiar with the area and know how to get around. Carrying luggage around and travelling was quite an adventure, but we made it to our apartments safe and sound. It's been such a fun day. I can't believe we've only been here for a day. I feel like I've been here so long, I guess it's because I feel pretty comfortable here, since I love Asia. We're staying in this busy commercial area of Koenji. Our apartment is really cute and fully furnished. We went on a scavenger hunt this morning around the city and then went to this Hawaiian-Japanese international church which was a fun experience. It was really neat worshipping God on the other side of the world with brothers and sisters in Christ.

On another note, the food here is soo good! Since I'm like falling asleep now, I think I will update more later and add pictures...

Leaving tomorrow!

2008-06-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

It's been super sweet spending time and getting to know people on my team. I think we are all super anxious to go now. We're the only team left at Vanguard University out of all of the WSN international teams, so we're just waiting around until we leave tomorrow for the airport at 4:30 am. God has been so faithful. Our team was short $11,000 two days ago, and today they just announced that we made all of our support! Praise God! I'm super excited to see what God is going to do in Japan and I'm ready to go!

Japan Prayer Requests

2008-06-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

I can't believe briefing is next week! So excited for Japan! Briefing starts on the 24th and we leave for Tokyo on the 27th! Please pray for:

--Breakthrough in Japan!!! (yes!) - With 127 million people in Japan, and 0.7 percent of those being Christian, Japan is the largest un-reached people group in the world. That will change as laborers are raised up to share with this dying nation. Many have never even heard the Gospel.

--For wisdom and guidance for our project leaders: Darrin and Vivian Mabuni, Tricia Kavle, Joshua Morey, Brittany Wong, Steph Cheng, Nich Beebee, and Wayne Katayama.

--For all of our final support to come in.

--For our team to be united and to represent Christ's love in our body - There are a total of 40 of us from all different schools in the U.S. Most of us are meeting each other for the first time next week. We'll be split into two teams: one going to Tokyo and Nagoya. I'll be on the Tokyo team.

--For boldness and compassion for us as we share the Gospel of Christ.

--For many Japanese souls who will meet Christ through us, that God would prepare their hearts now to hear the great news of His grace and that the Holy Spirit would illumine their hearts to know how great His love is for them.

--For Japanese staff as they prepare to host us in Japan, that we would be a blessing to them.

Thank you for your partnership with me in the Gospel for the glory of God!